Penelope, your insight is very helpful. I'm thinking that you're right. Though I get vibes from C when we're together that make me feel like she is as into it as I am, the truth is she probably isn't. And that isn't her fault, and I don't hold that against her in any way. I just wish it was more clear and easier to tell. I'm now taking the approach of "If you want to see me let me know. I'm done chasing you." So far so good. I told her I may be in town this weekend and that if she wanted to meet up to let me know. Got a text today, we'll see what happens. But I'm not going out of my way. I'm going to do what I want and if she is a part of it great. If not, I guess that answers a lot of questions pretty easily. I am not interested in someone I'm going to be doomed to try to entertain, impress, chase, keep whatever. I'm not in high school anymore.
I've been seeing a lot of lists lately of what guys should do, or what girls want or all of that stuff from a dating perspective and it kind of made me want to make a list of my own. Here goes.
10 Things my dream girl knows:
1. If you want something, ask for it. Chances are 99% of the time you'll get it. If you beat around the bush, or hint or just expect me to know chances are I won't. I'm a guy I generally don't pick up on that subtlety stuff and then you'll be mad because I didn't know what you wanted. As the old saying goes: Ask and you shall receive.
2. Be honest with me. I'm a big boy. I can take it. If honesty says you don't think we'll work out because we're just different, or you don't feel a connection, just say that. I can handle it. What I can't handle is when people do things like just stop answering their phone or don't call back or act standoff-ish and aloof. Just tell me. It will save us both a lot of trouble.
3. Don't be flakey. If you say you're going to do something, do it. I understand that things happen and sometimes there's nothing you can do, but honestly, if you say you're going to call, call. I can't think of a reason why you wouldn't be able to get on the phone for 2 seconds and say "Hey I'm real busy can we talk tomorrow" or even just send a text. It's not hard, and it means a lot.
4. Don't judge me based on my clothes or my car or how much money I make. I know, its hard. I freely admit that I'm more superficial than I'd like to be, but I promise the substance of the person I am is not embodied in my vehicle or the pictures I have hanging on my walls.
5. It is ok to be forward. I know in your grandma's day it was taboo to be the person who made the phone call or suggested meeting, but this is 2008. If you have free time and you'd like to see me, call. Chances are I would be psyched to see you.
6. Dinner Etiquette: If I take you out to dinner, get what you want. Don't sit there and say "Oh that is too much." or just order a salad to save me money or make me think that you don't eat. I asked you out to dinner, I understand what that entails. And when the dessert menu comes around, get something if you want it. It doesn't make you a pig or any less attractive. Also, don't even THINK about putting your hands anywhere near that check. I would honestly leave a restaurant hanging my head in shame if you paid any part of the bill.
7. How you interact with my friends says a lot about you. I'm not saying you have to like them all. Hell there's things about all of them that I don't like. But if you sit around with a stuck up "I'm over it" look on your face all night not even trying to have fun or talk to people it does not reflect well on you. I won't leave you alone, but I also don't want to be the only person you talk to all night. Also, if you have a friend that is a man hater, it would be nice to know before I get the eye roll for daring to speak to her.
8. Guys want sex. Always. Pretty much always. I can think of very few times that we don't. Girls, on the other hand, don't. Now, this leaves us guys in the interesting position of trying to guess when you girls want to get laid. I understand that this needs to happen sometimes, and that sometimes I need to get you in the mood to want to have sex, but honestly, if you want sex, and I'm around, say the word. Don't tell me the next day "Oh I really wanted to have sex last night but I wasn't sure you were into it." Here's your answer. I was. I am. Chances are I always will be. (with a few exceptions)
9. Relax. This is just a general sentiment. In my experience the girls I have dated have constantly felt like there was a problem, or had some reason that they should be freaking out in one way or another. Especially with regard to me/our relationship. Know what ruins a relationship really quick? A girl who makes up problems that aren't there, or constantly asks if everything is ok when there is no reason everything wouldn't be ok. If there is a problem I will let you know.
10. Don't play me. I'm a nice guy. I'm not playing you. I'm going into whatever this happens to be in good faith, and you should too. I know its hard. I have a hard time with it myself. And I'm sure you've had your experiences with douche bags who are just trying to get into your pants. But thats not me and I'm not ready to be that jaded old man who thinks everyone is fucking with him, so please don't contribute to me ending up that way.
There's a quick diatribe if you will. I've never really made a list on this blog before but that was an interesting experiment. I really had to think about that. Anyway, thoughts are appreciated. I'll probably post again later but I gotta do some laundry.
Also, if you read this list and your first thought is "Good luck. There's not a snowball's chance in hell you're ever finding that." That would be helpful to know. Because I don't think its all that outlandish.
3 comments:
Okay, seriously, I hope I don't over comment on your page.For some reason I love that you're so open and enjoy talking back to you.
Love the list. I think you develop a list from the girls that weren't the one and with that list you find her. There's a HUGE chance you'll find that and more.
I have a list (should blog it out sometime) of my future mate. I think I've been making that since I was in high school. (I'm such a girl)
On C: Most girls love to be chased in moderation. I think you pulling back may get her to thinking what she really wants. She may pursue and give you great signs, but be careful if she only keeps things on the surface. You seem like someone who wants to find HER soon and is not interested in just dating right now. If that's the case, you're going to want a girl who tells you about her childhood, asks about your family, wants to know what you believe in and shares who she is. When a girl starts laying that down, it means she wants to keep seeing you. It's when everything is based on the day and what's happening tomorrow that can show you if she's interested toward the long run.
I know if I like a guy and want to be with just him, I'll start investing who I am. I'll tell my stories of childhood, family, work, and friends. I'll want you to know me because I'm hoping you'll do the same. That's how I always know when a guy isn't interested in more than right now. Same goes for girls.
You're figuring it out and soon you'll get to the point were you can read a girl without having to ask "what is this". :)
It is ashame I am married.......I would have to say I would probably hit on you, especially knowing what I now know :)
But back to C. - sounds like she is not mature enough for you.
GREAT list. Now, just try to keep these standards - shoot them out into the universe - and try not to cave too much when you meet the next beautiful girl. Your dream girl is out there.. I promise you. Just always remember it's about what you want. It's your life :)
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