Who is Dependable?

One of the things that is really striking me now that I don't have a significant other in my daily life is the lack of dependability in the people that surround me.  For the most part it isn't intentional, though there are many who don't give a rat's ass about fucking me over.  But I honestly can think of maybe 2 or 3 people (who aren't my parents) that I could really depend on for something.  That, to me, is sad.  I mean, when did it all of the sudden become ok for people to not do what they said they are going to do, or to just be intentionally misleading or flakey?  I think that I am dependable.  I mean, if I tell someone that I am going to do something I generally get it done.  I guess this is why I'm the person who gets the 2 AM calls from the police station.  It is frustrating to have to assume that people will not come through, and behave like it is a luxury for someone to stand by their word.  I have a huge problem with the fact that this is an acceptable form of behavior in our society.  It is easy.  Make a plan, then do it.  Done.  Over.  There you are.  You're not a flake, you're dependable.  That is all it takes.  I'm not hard to please.  This is all stemming from a few situations I've been involved in lately, but I would say it is due mostly to the fact that I don't have a girlfriend that I can depend on every day.

In other news, the weekend was great.  C came into town Saturday night and we made a great night out of less than ideal circumstances.  We went to dinner with a group of my friends for a friend's birthday.  She was perfect.  Looked beautiful, was social, happy and fit right in.  Then we all came back to my place, as it has become the default after party locale.  In an apartment full of people I managed to slip away to my roof deck with C and got a chance to have a really great conversation with her, which included her saying "you just seem like a really nice and genuine guy to me...and that is hard to find."  She also said that the last guy she hung out with a few months ago was "trying to force me into a relationship when I just wasn't ready for it."  Like an idiot I didn't take that opportunity to ask if she still felt that way, but the rest of our conversation led me to believe that she may be open to something more now.  That is something I will have to find out later.

By the end of the night we were both very drunk...again...she apologized profusely for being so intoxicated, to which I replied "you don't have to apologize.  you're doing great.  I can barely tell."  She grabbed me by the arm and whispered in my ear "If I get really drunk will you please take care of me?"  I replied "Of course I will.  I promise I won't let anything bad happen to you.  You have my word."  She kissed me then and there and looked truly happy.  Kind of made me wonder about the kind of guys she's been around if me taking care of her when she's off her ass drunk is a luxury she didn't assume she would be given.  As if I would have thrown her out on the street in that condition?!

We ended up in my room on my bed at the end of the night.  It was pretty obvious where it was going, but I had to stop it, and in the most awkward 20 seconds of my entire life I said "listen, I think you're wonderful, and beautiful and honestly I want you so insanely bad right now that I don't know why I'm doing this, but we are both really really drunk and I don't want it to happen like this."  I held my breath and waited for her reaction.  She threw her arms around my neck pulled me close and kissed me.  Pulled back and said "You are right.  Thank you for saying that."

I called her yesterday after 18 holes (yeah, 18 holes in 98 degree heat with a raging hangover....not the best idea in the world.)  I told her I was thankful that she came into Boston and told her how wonderful I think she is and that next time it was going to be just her and I.  She said she had a great time and that it was no problem at all that we hung out with all of my friends all night.

So there we are.  I'm kind of on cloud 9 at this point, and have pretty much had a smile on my face since she left Sunday morning saying "I wish I didn't make plans to go to the beach with my friends today..."  Well, except on the side of the 6th green where I promptly deposited all of the water that I'd been drinking all morning in a sand trap...