So, I went to the bar for the blogger meet up Friday, and JUST before I walked in the door I realized that I haven't slightest clue what anyone looks like in real life. I figured, what the hell, I'll stand there and look around and it will become obvious who I'm looking for. Not so. I got there right around 7. Stood in the middle of the place looking around trying to make eye contact with everyone in the room hoping to recognize someone or maybe get a "Hey you're a blogger, here we are." kind of look. Didn't happen. So basically I stood in the bar for about 5 minutes. Perhaps you saw me. I was the guy making awkward eye contact with everyone in there. I walked out to the deck to look around, and then left. I propose that the next time there is a meet up we make a banner. Or name tags. Or SOMETHING that would help a lost soul such as myself know who I'm trying to meet up with.
I'm sorry I lack patience. I'm sure if I stood there a little longer SOMETHING might have happened. Who knows. I hope the meet up went well.
In other news, I'm still completely lost about the Russian. I don't have any idea what to do. I can't and don't want to just drop her. That would be horrible, and add to an already astounding amount of bullshit that she's no doubt dealing with. At the same time I don't want to be the first guy she's with after that (which she told me I am) because there will no doubt be some emotional connection that I know I can't live up to. Especially with her living on the other side of the planet. Lost. Just. Lost.
As far as the weekend goes, it was reasonably uneventful. Saw my cousin from N.C. who is in the midst of wedding planning. And of course when she, my mother and her fiance (Note: I hate the word fiance. Won't use it in real life. I call all of my friends fiances "future wives") got together all they could talk about was wedding crap and babies. Needless to say neither is my particular cup of tea.
Spent Saturay on the beach with the rest of the family. I have a pretty large family so it is always a show when I get to see them. My cousin who is becoming an FBI agent was there, and it was pretty cool to talk to him about that, and what they're allowed and not allowed to do. (Not so Random Tangent: If an FBI agent pulls a gun on you, stop doing whatever you're doing. I was told, and I quote, "If an agent ever pulls a gun they are shooting to kill. Period." Felt like you all should know that.)
Sunday was golf day, and then I saw the Russian again. Bad decision. I need to try to distance myself from her a bit, but not in a way that will be too noticeable. Does this sound horrible? I mean, I want to help the girl, I want her to feel comfortable, but at the same time, as I stated above, I can't be her security blanket. It just isn't possible.
Today I got to work and realized that I hadn't called L2 since our little date on Thursday. ASS! She is totally going to think that I'm pulling the whole "wait a few days so you seem cool" thing and that absolutely is not what I'm doing. I'm going to call her tonight, apologize and make sure I mention that. I don't want to play games with this girl. I'm not playing games with this girl. I truly just forgot based on all of the other peripheral bullshit that I'm dealing with lately.
If any of you have ANY advice on how I handle the Russian situation, anything helps. Lynn, don't feel bad about your previous post. I felt the same way. It happens. This is one of those kinds of moments in your life that you never forget. I was the person after a rape. I AM the person after a rape. I feel for this girl. I've honestly been thinking about her for the past few days. Thinking what I can do or say to help. I'm realizing that there is really nothing that I can do. But I feel like I need to try. I need to do SOMETHING.
I just don't know what.
4 comments:
aw, this makes me sad! i wish we would have noticed you looking around! there's always next time though (which will be soon!)
Now sure how you are to approach the situation, but I wish the best. Seems like a tough thing to thing about.
Hey there, my long lost blogger friend. Too bad we didn't have a blogger function here, because I would have loved to meet you. Next time you should wait. You never know who you could meet.
Oh, the little Russian. Okay, a very, very similar situation happened to my best friend from high school and she ran in all sorts of directions trying to fix it. The worst direction she (Russian) could run into is the emotional/sexual aspects of being with someone she does NOT love. You can't just cover it up because it will follow you forever until you deal with it and let it go. It is a very, very painful, hard, horribly long process, but if she can move on now in a healthy way she will help her self in the long run.
The BEST thing you can do NOW is stop the relationship dead in it's tracks. You're not wanting that commitment and she needs someone who is. So, you need to be her friend immediately. Don't leave her, but change gears all together. Meet up with her to be her friend NOT make-out, hold hands, cuddle buddy. As much as that may be what she thinks she needs, she really needs to start building a healthy relationship with a guy again.
I think you're totally right on pulling away from the relationship, but whatever you do don't pull away from her as a friend. Invite her out with your friends to dinner or take her to a baseball/basketball/something game where things can stay clean/healthy and friendly.
Every time you get wigged out, think about her as a person and how she has to start her whole "guy/relationship" thing over and YOU get to be the first, real guy to be her friend. She's not in your life much longer...at least you can help her while she's still here.
omg I can't believe you were at the bar and couldn't find us!! I feel so bad. Actually, I wasn't even there till 7:30, but I'm pretty sure other people were on time. We'll have to make a meeting spot next time!
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