Continued....

Sorry, got hung up yesterday and couldn't finish the post....

Right now I'm sitting in my office waiting for L2 (the girl I got set up with) to get out of work so we can meet up for a drink. Again, I'm being left with WAAAAAAAY too much time to think about this whole situation. I should have gone home, changed my clothes and driven back down town, but I stayed in the office because I'm planning on playing golf tomorrow afternoon and putting in some extra hours today can't hurt right?

So I've come to a few realizations in the past couple of days. The first and most important to me is my new found insecurity. Now, I'm not insecure. I wouldn't characterize myself as such, but lately I've realized that a lot of how I feel about myself has started to be based on other people. For instance, when C started playing her games I felt HORRIBLE about myself. All I could think of was "Why does she not want to be with me?" What I should have been thinking, and would have been in the past is "Oh well, her loss." I guess ideally you'd want to be somewhere in between? I mean, caring what people think is important to some extent, but not when you let it make you feel bad about yourself. Thats what I think.

Along those lines, I'm interested to see how I react if this little set up doesn't work out. Obviously there are 1000 variables between here and there, but if I think she is cool, attractive and someone I may be intersted in, and she just thinks "Blah, he's not it" I really don't have any idea how I will handle that.

In the last 2 months I've had both ends of the spectrum: C, who I absolutely destroyed myself over, and now this Russian, who honestly, if I don't ever see her again, I would be fine. Maybe it had to do with the proximity to my break up? I mean, I guess it is still reasonably fresh. I was the middle of April, so I'm going on being 3 months out of a 2+ year relationship at this point. at the one and a half month mark maybe I wasn't back to being myself yet?

At any rate, I'm looking forward to tonight, though again, I feel like I've had FAR too long to think about this whole situation. Here's hoping I don't F it up.