UPDATE:

I called, left a message.  She called back.  We're planning to meet up next week because I'll be at a sailboat race all weekend.

Good times.

I kissed a girl.....

So, I got a call from a friend last night who wanted to head out to the bar across the street to watch the sox yanks game.  I figured what the hell.  My apartment is a mess, but I can always clean it tomorrow.  I met him at Harry's and we got some food and beer.  His girlfriend was with him, which I have no problem with, and we hung out and shot the shit and watched the game.

His girlfriend said, "I think it's trivia night!"

I responded, "No, trivia night is Monday.  Believe me I avoid this trivia guy like the plague."

Turns out it was trivia night because they had a party in the bar the night before and had to postpone it.  I was THRILLED (sarcasm).  She wanted to play, so we said what the hell, and got to it.

It was around this point that I noticed the cute blonde next to me (a lot of blondes for me lately?  Normally not my thing.)  Let's call her E.  So we played, I got to talking to her about books, which was great because I read like a fiend.  So there was a question about geometry.  I had already told her I was an engineer when we went out to smoke together, so you would think she would believe me.  She didn't.  She put the wrong answer on her paper, and I bet her a drink that I was right.

I won.  It was math...it really wasn't fair.  I told her not to worry about paying up.  I had plenty to drink already but she insisted.  At this point my friend and his girlfriend were ready to go, so they stood up and got read to leave and I said I needed to stay with E to finish my drink and chat.

"Do you know that girl?"

"Umm, I do now."

"You're unbelievable."

 (Side Note:  Turns out my friend and his girlfriend wanted to "introduce" me to her roommate that very night, but she had to stay in because she had an early morning apparently.)

So they left, we chatted a bit more.  The normal first time you meet people chat, but we got into some very personal stuff about her and how asshole guys had hurt her in the past.  Needless to say I was incredulous to some extent, though I tried to contain my frustration with douche bags who would hurt a girl in the ways she was telling me she'd been hurt.  I finished my drink and she hers.  She excused herself to use the ladies room, and I asked the bartender about her, since she seemed to know him.

"Is she an alright girl?"

"Oh yeah she's great.  We have some deep conversations every once in a while.  But yeah, she's definitely pretty cool."

When she came back she asked if I wanted a shot.  I said what the hell and we did a shot of whisky....yup, she is apparently a whisky drinker.

I offered to walk her home, and she agreed with a bit of excitement.  She only lived 2 blocks away, so it didn't take long to get her to her door.

"So, I don't suppose you would want to give me your phone number?"

"Of course!  Here I have a pen."

I took out a business card and wrote E's number.  

"No B.S.  I'm calling you tomorrow.  I want to see you again."

She smiled, put her arms around my neck and kissed me.

"I can't wait."

So, we were both kind of drunk.  Her moreso than me, and I'm reasonably certain that she wanted me to come inside, but I have some morals.  She kissed me again, hugged me and then opened her door.  

"I will talk to you soon."

I turned and began walking away.  As I left I looked back and saw her looking at me from her door.  I didn't turn back.

So here I am with E's number, and a TINY bit of a dilemma (a.k.a. my neurotic tendencies acting up again)  I don't THINK she was too drunk to remember me, but nothing is impossible.  So here I am, sitting on her number, being an asshole and not calling her because I'm having doubts about whether she remembers giving me her number.

Fuck it.  I'm calling.  I'm not letting my stupid obsessive thoughts fuck up something like this.

Wish me luck.

And we're BAAAACK!

Ok, after some absence her I am.  I apologize for not writing for a while.  I think this may be the longest time I haven't had an entry since I started blogging.  So let's recap the weekend shall we?

First, I left work Friday at noon.  My boss decided he was going to give me shit for it, at which point I said "Well, I have plenty of vacation time, and since I haven't taken a vacation all summer, I don't think its really a big deal that I take a few Friday afternoons off.  If you really have a problem with me doing so, then let's discuss it."  We didn't discuss it, I left.

Got to Gloucester, got a haircut and went to parent's house where the reception was going to be.  We have a huge back yard with a big lawn and a great place to have a band.  I helped my cousin who was getting married with a few of the last minute set up things that he had to do, and then we left for the rehearsal dinner.

This was the first time I saw the ex with her BF since...oh I don't know, 2 years ago or so?  She made a point to completely avoid me at every opportunity.  Her boyfriend, however, was very friendly and we talked a few times, in a more than civil manner.  Though that made no difference to her.  We had dinner and drinks and the grooms brother (we've spoken about him) got up and gave a little toast.  I didn't like it.  It wasn't really personal or heart felt at all.  He tried to be too funny, and really didn't say anything very deep about the bride or groom, which I guess is to be expected since he really doesn't know either all that well.

After dinner myself and a friend of mine went to the liquor store to get cigarettes and some after dinner refreshments for a little gathering at my parent's place.  We hung out, and at the end of the night it was myself and the groom with a couple of cigarettes and glasses of scotch talking things over.  He wasn't nervous at all.  It was great.  I'm not sure what I would have said if he was, because clearly I'm not the person to be giving advice, but he was calm, relaxed, and as far as I know looking forward to the day ahead.  We toasted our lives thus far, and hit the sack.

The next day I woke up early to help finish up the last of the last minute stuff, and get my wedding attire ironed.  (Yup, my mom ironed my clothes....she likes it though, I swear to god)

The groom got in my car and we left for the wedding.  They got married on a boat, and it was honestly a beautiful ceremony.  It could not have been a better day on the water.  It was warm, sunny and windy.  After the ceremony we went for a sail and had some drinks.  Again, the ex avoided me like the plague.

So at the reception dinner was a bit late.  During dinner I made it clear to the groom's brother that I would be giving the toast.  I didn't write anything.  I simply decided on a time (after everyone had a while to eat, but weren't getting up yet) got the mic from the band and spoke from the heart.  

To be honest, I don't remember exactly what I said.  I believe it centered around how the groom was always a brother to me, and how great it was that he had found someone so amazing and beautiful.  I was self deprecating, in that I said "I'm clearly not one to be giving advice here,"  I do remember one thing that I said.  

"It seems to me that the key to true and lasting love is never forgetting or taking for granted how lucky you are to have found the person that makes you so happy."

I thought that was nice.  Kind of off the cuff, though I had thought about it before.  Then when it came time to actually toast I realized that I didn't even have a glass.  Now, I have a reputation as a bit of a drinker within my family, so again, in self deprecating style I said "And look at this, one of the few times you see me without a glass in my hand..." and my cousin (who is probably 12, blonde and female) ran up from the crowd with a glass of water for me.  It was adorable.

Throughout the night people complimented me on how well I did, but the most important thing was from the groom.  When I went back to the head table he stood up, hugged me and said, "That was perfect man.  You are my brother.  I love you."

So the night went on.  The band was good.  If you get a chance to see them in Boston definitely check out Elephant House.  They're kind of raggae/hip hop type stuff along the lines of Sublime.  Their lead singer has a great voice and is a really good guitar player.  I danced my ass off, per princess B's recommendation, though they didn't play shout.  It was fun, and as is implied by the fact that I was dancing, I was a bit more than three sheets to the wind.

So at some point in the night I get to talking to the ex's parents.  They love me, always have.  I designed a house for them that I never got to see finished.  The whole time we were talking I could see the ex standing a few feet away eves dropping.  It was pretty funny.  So at one point the groom realized that he didn't have his check book to pay the band.  He asked if I could run to his house and grab it.  I said sure, but I am WAY to drunk to be driving.  The ex's dad offered a ride and off we went.  It was good to talk to him, as I haven't seen him in 4 years or so.  When we got back I got the STINK EYE from the ex.  Her dad caught a glimpse and asked me, "What's her problem?"  "I don't know M.  I don't know.  But if you figure it out let me know."

Her mom and dad invited me over to see the finished house.  Her mom saying "look, I know there's.....whatever, but I really want you to come see the house."

I haven't taken her up on the offer, but I may next weekend as I'll be in Gloucester participating in the Schooner race either way.

Throughout the night I had TONS of interaction with the ex's new bf.  He seems like an alright guy.  We got drunk and he got me stoned since I didn't have any weed.  We talked a bit, but I really didn't get a chance to sit him down and just be like:

"look, you know you have nothing to worry about right?  Like that shit was a LONG time ago, and its over and always will be.  I think you're cool, but if you're uncomfortable with me around, I can understand.  Just know there's nothing there."

Maybe another time....when I see him again in 2 years or so?

Anyway, the night went off without a hitch, and my father and I were the last ones up at around 230.  We had a cigar, some scotch and a chat and went to bed.

As far as female prospects were concerned, it was kind or a tough situation.  The groom's cousins were gorgeous.  Right around my age and definitely my type, but with all the crap I had to do, and all the people I had to talk to I really didn't have a chance to say more than a few words to them.  My cousin brought her roommate, who was absolutely stunning.  Of course she was 19.  That didn't stop my brother from shamelessly trying to get in her pants in front of the whole family, but I'm not shameless.  My cousin introduced me to her with a wink and a nod, but I couldn't in good conscience do anything about it.  We talked for a little while, and she was definitely giving off the "He's older and cute and I'm so excited he's talking to me" vibe, so I was nice and cordial, but I didn't make any moves of any kind, aside from helping her walk my drunk cousin to her car so she could give her a ride home.

All in all a pretty good weekend.  Can't complain about anything other than the female situation really.  So there it is.  Thanks for reading, and I hope I haven't lost you all because it's been so long since I posted.  

Till next time.

The weekend....belated

Alright, so the bachelor party turned out better than I thought.  There were some rumblings and grumblings about money and rooms, but I just completely disregarded it and had a good time despite all of that.

I lost my shirt at the tables.  Too much money.  To the point where I had to stop myself from gambling at about 5PM on Saturday night...with another 16 hours left in the casino.  It was good though.  I hung out with the non gambling crowd and showed them around the casino.  They were newbies, needless to say, I'm a veteran.  

Mohegan sun is an amazing place.  Very easy to get "lost" but also has some great bars and restaurants.  My favorite has to be Leffinwell's in the Sky casino.  Anyone who has been to Mohegan has to know about Leffingwell's.  There is a large "glass" mountain in the middle of the sky casino, above which is an active planetarium with stars, the moon, and active lights that imitate the dawn and rising moon.  On top of the mountain, below the planetarium, is Leffingwell's.  It has amazing comfortable seats and couches, and has views of the entire sky casino.  If you haven't been, I would definitely recommend it.  Check out the picture below.

I took a few of the newbies there.  They had NO idea it was there, and were pumped when we got up there and got some great seats, smoked a few cigars and had a couple of glasses of scotch.  

Now, after many questions and much debate to check with the crowd to get some buy in on strippers, the general consensus was that it isn't a bachelor party without strippers.  So I made a phone call.  Scheduled 2 girls to come at midnight.  I collected the money and got everyone in the room at about 10 of 12 for the show.  Right about then I got a phone call from the "driver" saying one of his girls had gone home sick.  Ok, I said, what can you do for me?  "Well, I can have 2 girls for you at 3AM or 1 girl at 12."  I said 1 girl at 12 would be just fine.

At about quarter past 12 I got a call from a different "driver" who said "I have two girls for you, I just left Providence I will be there in a half hour."  Now, anyone who has driven from Providence to Mohegan Sun knows that it take at least an hour, so I called him on it.

"My GPS says 40 minutes"

"Well, your GPS is wrong.  I've made that trip at least 5 times and it has never taken less than an hour.  So what, you'll be here at like 130?"

"No guy, I'll be there at 1230."

(I fucking HATE it when people call me "guy" or "Chief" or "bud"  its trashy.)

"Look, I'm not an idiot.  I know how long it takes.  And you're sitting here telling me a half hour because you know if you tell you're gonna be here at 130 I will just say no.  That isn't gonna work for me.  What happened to the guy who was here with 1 girl for 12?"

"I don't know guy, thats not my fucking problem.  You gonna flake out on my like a bitch or what?"

WTF????

"I'm gonna flake out on you?  You're gonna be here an hour and a half later than you're supposed to.  You're the one who's flaking out.  Half of these guys didn't sleep last night, and honestly it's everything I can do to keep half of them awake, and the other half out of the casino, so don't start giving me shit cuz you guys fucked up."

The whole time two friends are watching me have this conversation.  At this point they're both like "fuck this guy, cancel."

"Ya know what man, forget about it.  I'm not waiting till 130, paying you full price for a show you're gonna be an hour and a half late for.  So forget it."

"Oh yeah?  Forget it?  I'm comin there anyway.  I know what room you're in."

"Are you threatening me?"

"I'm not threatening, I'm just saying"

"Ok tough guy, well here's what I'm just saying.  I'm sitting in this room with 10 other guys.  You wanna roll up like a tough guy be my guest, but I would say it wouldn't be a great idea."

"Fuck you mother fucker.  You think I can't get more action at Mohegan Sun?  I'll get another show."

"Good I hope you do."

"Rather gamble than see some girls.  You some kind of homo?"

"Go fuck yourself you piece of shit.  You call me again and I'm calling the cops.  You show up to my room, I take no responsibility for what 10 drunk guys do to your ass.  Fuck off."

Thats when I hung up.

I walked out to the living room into the circle of guys expecting a show, and said "Well gentlemen, no show tonight.  Go to bed or gambling."  I explained the situation to my cousin who understood.  Didn't look like he was too disappointed.

So I guess thats what you get when you're dealing with those types of people.  They guy lied to me, then got pissed off when I called him out on it.  Then when I cancelled he really freaked and literally was threatening toward me until I told him it wouldn't be a good situation for him to show up.  Asshole.

I spent the rest of saturday night drinking like a fish until about 530 AM.  Yes, the bars close at 130 at Mohegan, but since we had a suite with a refrigerator we had a few 30 packs that we poured into Dunkin' Donuts cups and walked around.  A few people gambled, but even though I was completely trashed I restrained myself.  At about 515 a friend of mine sat down at a table.  Played for a little while, and then hit 30-1 on a 5 dollar bet.  I said "Dude, walk away.  You're up, the weekend's over.  Let's go."  We went to the suite and crashed till about 9 am.

I woke up, showered, checked out, paid.  Drove two and a half hours to Boston just in time to make the Sunday afternoon Sox game and sit in the bleachers in 90 degree heat.  Not the best experience, but since they got smoked we "upgraded" to seats literally right behind home.

I finished the weekend up by crashing at about 8 sunday night.  All in all a great weekend.  Would have been better if I won money and possibly saw some naked women, but I can't complain.

Next weekend is the wedding.  I've run it by a few people and it seems I should be prepared to say something at the reception.  I'm not worried.  I don't care about speaking in front of people, and given the time I've got I can come up with some good stuff to say.

As I've said, I'm flying solo.  My ex from 2 exes ago is in the wedding party.  Should be interesting since she's got a jealous boyfriend type who doesn't really like me.  I'm sure he'll be giving me the evil eye all night.  Becky told me I should dance with the ex just to piss him off, but I don't want to cause the drama that I know would be caused if I even had the gaul to ask.

Till next time.

(BTW, I'm glad people are kind of realizing that I'm really not a douche and didn't really deserve the "Worst Blogger of the Year Award."  Your support doesn't go unappreciated.  I truly don't mean to offend anyone, and again don't mean to hurt feelings.  Thank you all for reading.)

Seriously?

I want to thank PrincessB  for calling my attention to my first known blog bashing.  Seems AverageGirl felt slighted that I didn't address her comments directly.  I tried to explain it in a comment on her page, but let me delve in a little more here.

First of all, it's pretty lame to give a "Worst Blogger of the Year Award" to anyone.  Period.  Now, my blog is very personal, as anyone who reads it can tell.  I try to address comments as much as I can, as quickly as I can.  I admit that I miss some.  I admit that I don't address them all.  If anyone else out there feels slighted by this, I apologize, but honestly, you all know how hard it is.

Now, according to AverageGirl it seems that the comment she left on this post is the one that makes her the most upset.  This is not a posting that I ignored.  This is not a posting that I didn't want to address.  The real reason why I didn't say anything is specifically because it was personal, and because she did seem to struggle with whether or not she should post it.  Rather than call attention to something like this, and address it in an open blog, I avoided doing just that.  Again, if AverageGirl was upset about this, I apologize, but rather than inquire as to my reasons for doing what I did, she trashed me on her blog.

I'm going to try to be nice about this, but honestly, is that not a TINY bit immature?  If you have an issue with me, tell me.  I'm not sitting here bashing you because you gave me the "Worst Blogger of the Year Award."  Hell I won't even criticize your blog in this space, because that isn't what I do.  But do myself and everyone else a favor and take 5 seconds to figure out what people's motivations are behind what they do before you trash them in your blog.

If you read my opening statement post, this is the exact kind of "harsh B.S." I was talking about.  I know it's your blog, and you can write whatever you want, but I obviously feel differently than you do about this situation, and would appreciate you keeping it civil and not writing things like "Excuse me Mr. I am looking for info on how to land a wife."  It is immature, vindictive and quite frankly inaccurate. 

I'm sorry I've lost a reader because I didn't bring attention to a comment I wasn't sure it was appropriate to draw attention to.  If the rest of my readers have such feelings about me or what I write I would appreciate you letting me know before you insult and berate me on your blog.

Post about the weekend to follow.....

Pre-Weekend

So I will be in CT at a casino this weekend for my cousin's bachelor party.  He's my age, and yes, getting married.  Needless to say not helping my fragile mental state at this point.  I planned this bachelor party, though I'm not the best man.  Now, normally stuff like this wouldn't bother me.  I know that deep down I'm the best man, but due to family political B.S. he can't say that because he has a brother.  So rather than just call me the best man, there is no best man, and yet I'm stuck with all of the best man duties.  

I agreed to plan the bachelor party, even though there are 4 other members of the wedding party who by all rights should be just as responsible for this shit as I am.  Now, one would think that these people, with ZERO responsibility, would at least be amicable, make a suggestion or two, or in some way shape or form go out of their way to make this whole process easier for me.  Well needless to say the opposite is true.

A month ago I started making the roll call.  How many people are going to come to the casino is clearly important, as I will have to get hotel rooms to accommodate everyone.  Did any of them get back to me?  No.  So I called them all again.  They were all concerned about how much it was going to cost.  Ummmm, it's a bachelor party, we're getting hotel rooms.  If you wanna be a lame cheap ass, thats all you have to worry about paying for.  Again, would any of them commit to coming?  No.  I had 5 confirmed people at the beginning of this week, so I got 1 suite at the casino.  Wouldn't you know it, throughout the week 7 more people decided to get back to me and say they were coming.  Needless to say by Wednesday of this week the hotel was pretty much booked, unless I wanted to spend $600 a night on a room, and with these cheap asses that wouldn't be a good idea.  So we have 1 suite for 12 people.  It's big, there are a few beds and a few rooms, but honestly, too small for this many people.  And I'm going to hear shit for it all weekend, no doubt.

Now, last year I went to a bachelor party at the very same casino.  But it was completely different.  We were all well employed and not terribly concerned about spending a little bit of money.  So we did.  We saw a show, a preseason basketball game, dropped $1500 on dinner and played 18 holes of golf without anyone saying boo.  Now, I would buy tickets to a show, reserve seats for dinner and some golf, but honestly, these kids more than likely can not afford any of that shit, and if I assume they can, and they can't I'm the asshole.  So here I am, left with ZERO plan, aside from getting all of their asses to a casino for the weekend.  And once again, if everyone doesn't have fun, I will hear shit for it all weekend.  No doubt.

So that shall be fun.  Or not.  Quite frankly at this point I could not care less.  If anyone has the balls to complain, which someone will, I will answer, "Well, you could have planned the bachelor party, but you didn't.  Don't like it?  Fuck you."  Am I bitter?  Yeah, I would say a tiny bit.  But there's really nothing I can do about it, and that's what I keep telling myself.

Next weekend is the wedding.  I'm in it.  Gotta dress up.  YAY!  I guess it's an "honor" to be in a wedding.  I don't know.  I should be the best man, and my cousin can't make me the best man because he thinks his brother will get pissed.  Well, maybe his brother should have thought about that shit when he wasn't around for most of his child hood, and I was.  

Which brings up an interesting point that I hadn't thought about until just now.  Who the hell would be my best man?  Assuming I ever actually find someone to marry....but I digress.  I'm much closer to my cousin than my brother.  Honestly, my brother has kind of been a lying stealing prick to me my whole life, so why should I be expected to make him my best man based solely on the fact that we have the same parents?  Thats a stupid reason.  And then would I just do it to placate my mother and the rest of my family, rather than doing what I want.  Maybe it would teach him a lesson.  i.e. you can't be a complete douche bag asshole to someone their whole life and expect them to think you're their best friend, even if it is your brother.  That is a lesson he needs to be taught, believe me.

So yeah.  What should be excitement for a weekend that should be a really good time is essentially a mild sense of dread for the impending shit storm that I'm sure to face.  Unhealthy at best, depression at worst.

I need a fresh start.  I need to find some new friends, but I really have no idea how.  How bad is that?  Making friends has never ever been a problem for me.  The problem is, at this point in my life the opportunity to do so just isn't there.  I work with 6 people.  4 are old and have kids.  The one guy who is close to my age is alright I guess, but he's another of those "I live with my girlfriend so I have to be a grown up and I'm not going to have the kind of fun I used to even though she wouldn't care" types.  That KILLS me.  The people who get exponentially lamer when they move in with their girlfriend, and blame it on said girlfriend, even though I'm sure she's dying for any reason to get their ass out of the house.  Hell that is all of my friends.  Everyone is settled with a girlfriend.  Though I shouldn't talk.  I've been that guy.  It wasn't all me though.  My ex had a REAL problem with me doing shit without her. My roommate isn't settled with a girlfriend (if he ever finds a girl who can deal with him, god bless her), but he's a miserable douche so he doesn't really have any friends, let alone a girlfriend.  On the one hand sad, on the other hand, stop being a miserable prick and maybe someone will be able to stand you for more than 4 seconds ya know?  

It all just gives me an amazingly hopeless feeling at times.  Not good.  This is the "rut" that I keep writing about.  I'm trying like hell to get out of it, but I guess I'm just not creative enough to figure out how short of moving to the west coast or NYC, which I really don't want to do no matter how healthy it may be.

Anyway, probably won't be posting till Sunday at the earliest, so have a great weekend, and wish me luck.  Thanks for reading.

Why do they call it a Soap Box?

So I see L2 on g-chat every day.  Today I had this overwhelming urge to hop on g-chat and call her out for being so fucking lame.  Then I realized that doing so would make me just as lame as she is, and I restrained myself.  Kind of a catch-22 (notice how I worked the reading in there?  huh?  you know you loved it!)  As for your comments Susie and Voiceinmyhead?  Well, I will say this, if someone doesn't call after 2 dates or less, and doesn't give you the courtesy of saying "hey I'm all set" I guess that really isn't as bad.  With C it was far more than that, obviously.  We had seen each other numerous times and had spent many nights sleeping together, so I think I deserve the courtesy of a phone call.  If I'm way off, let me know.  But I've been thinking about the whole "wanting a girlfriend too much" statement and I have to say you're probably right on.  Though I will say this, I don't think I'm trying that hard.  I really don't.  Yes, I'm taking girls to dinner, and being "charming" (Note:  charming is in quotes because honestly I don't even know how exactly you define the term, but I've been called it on more than one occasion) and showing interest, but I'm really not pushing the whole relationship thing with any of them.  I'm not awkward, I'm not desperate.  I just take stuff personally I guess, and yes, I am probably wanting a girlfriend too much.  But dating.  Dating sucks.  Which may have something to do with the whole wanting a girlfriend thing.

So my personal life at this point isn't terribly interesting, so I figured I'd hop up on my soap box and tell you all how I feel about stuff you don't give a crap how I feel about.

First, the olympics.  I love the olympics.  It is competition at its finest, if not fairest.  I saw a female german swimmer the other day who looked more like a man than I do.  I'm not accusing anyone of anything, but it just didn't seem right.  Also, how about the Chinese "women's" gymnastics team?  Can we just call them what they are?  The Chinese tweener's gymnastics team?  There are a few of those girls who look so young that if they are over 16 I will eat my shoe.  It's nonsense.  And someone at some point is going to have to explain to me what exactly it is about Michael Phelps that makes him SO much better than everyone else.  I mean, it's not like he just barely wins, he's KILLING people, and breaking every record on the way.

Now Russia.  Russia decided last week that it was going to invade a sovereign nation.  Their reason?  To protect Russian citizens living in that nation from the government of that nation. (Side Note:  If you want to see why Russian citizens have no problem voting for corrupt power hungry politicians and putting them into power over and over read what they get for news.)  Sounds familiar doesn't it?  So is anyone surprised when it rings a little hollow for Mr. Bush to admonish them for doing it?  

This is the side effect of America's recent foreign policy that no one thinks about: Why would you expect anything other than to be laughed at when you try to tell one country not to do what you did only a few years before?  We, as a country, are essentially a laughing stock not to be take seriously on the global scale because of this administration.  Even if we grew the balls to do something about it militarily we couldn't because all of our military resources are tied up fighting a war we never should have gotten into in the first place.  Thanks republicans.  So much for walking softly and carrying a big stick.  We're pretty much blusterous buffoons with a toothpick at this point.  

And the most amazing part?  The polls in the coming election show a statistical dead heat between a guy who legitimately wants to steer us away from what is failed policy in every sense of the world (domestic and foreign) and a guy who as essentially said he is going to carry on doing exactly what George W has done for the last 8 years.  How the hell does that work?  W's approval rating is at 20% or so, and somehow 44% of the country is going to vote for W junior??

HEY MISSISSIPPI, ARKANSAS, OHIO, MONTANA AND ALL YOU OTHER CONSERVATIVE MORONS!!!  WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!!!

If John McCain is elected president it isn't gonna be good.  Hey, I've got an idea, ya know how oil is really expensive and running out?  Well, instead of investing money and giving tax breaks to people to figure out how we can do everything without oil, lets give tax breaks to oil companies and drill for oil in the ocean.  That will solve our problems.

Who are you people?!?!  It is simple!  You rely economically and socially on a substance that is going to be GONE.  There won't be any more of it at some point.  So instead of figuring out how to survive without it you live in this pipe dream of a world where you think you can just keep drilling and finding more.  Am I missing something here?

God help us all.

Vote Obama.  Since I live in Massachusetts (which Obama will win regardless of me) I might just vote for Bob Barr because he is running on a platform of eliminating some of the useless bureaucratic morons that are wasting billions of dollars of our money every year on shit like a $20,000 toilet seat and a museum about sod.

Here is where I step off of my soap box.  Thanks for reading and commenting, you guys are the best.  Till next time.

Again....

I'm getting better about it, I swear to god, but it is really hard to not take it personally when someone essentially decides they want nothing to do with you.  I'm getting the same advice from all sides:  She isn't reaching out, you're wasting your time.  In my head I'm still dumb enough to believe that there is more there.  Clearly my head isn't the one I should be listening to, because everyone else is clearly more detached and objective than I can possibly be.  I told my friend Becky about the situation with the weekend and L2 and she said the same exact thing that the girls at the bar, and voiceinmyhead are saying: walk away.

So here it is, laid out there:  Since I've been single I've been on actual dates with 4 different girls, 2 of which pulled the old "I'm just going to disappear from the face of the planet rather than be mature and tell you I'm not interested."  One told me I was a great guy, but that she hadn't moved past her last relationship (whether that is true or not is of little consequence to me.  At least she had the courtesy to tell me she wasn't interested.)  And one is a 20 year old Russian who got raped a few months ago, and who's visa expires in 3 weeks.  What am I doing wrong?

It's so weird, because when I do go out with people it isn't like there are awkward silences, or that they are dying to get out of the situation they're in.  3 of 4 have actually moved beyond just dinner and a movie to more....umm...intimate things.  And yet, after a few dates, they're gone.  Clearly I'm doing something wrong here.  It sucks because I can't ask what I'm doing, and even if I did I more than likely wouldn't get an honest response to that question.  So here I am, left to try to figure it out on my own.

It sucks.  And unfortunately I've lost the self confidence I once had that would lead me to think "I'm a good guy.  These girls don't know what they're missing out on.  Their loss."  Instead I sit here and think "What the hell is wrong with me??"

I mean, am I perceived as damaged goods because I've been in two long term relationships?  Am I not "edgy" enough?  Should I act like more of a douche bag instead of being the nice guy that I am?  What women want in a man is utterly outside my grasp of understanding.  I'm educated, have a good job, have good friends, am social, I've been told I'm good looking, though I would never say that about myself.  I don't get it.  Should I just quit my job and be a stoned slacker?  It's maddening to try to figure this stuff out.  ANY insight would be huge, but asking my readers to decipher the female psyche MAY be asking a bit much.

So this weekend was pretty good.  After VT on Friday night Saturday night's festivities were in serious doubt for me.  I was HUNG OVER.  Badly.  So after getting home I caught a few hours of sleep (sleeping on a couch from 3AM till 9AM is far less restful than you would think.)  I got up and had a few messages on my phone.  One from L saying she was on her way to Boston.  Another from my friend who's house we were all hanging out at asking me to pick up BBQ sauce on my way over.  I did her one better.  I got BBQ sauce, but also got shrimp, mussels and various fixings to add to the BBQ.  L is a pseudo vegetarian, in that she eats fish, so this was a

 HUGE deal for her.  She came with a few friends who were SUPER impressed that I could season and skewer shrimp for the grill, and make steamed mussels.  (Steamed mussels=easiest thing ever to make.  One onion diced, 4 cloves of garlic halved.  Put about half a cup of white wine in a large pan.  Simmer the onions and garlic for a minute or two, then turn up the heat and throw in the mussels and some basil for about 5 minutes and you're done)

So we started the night off with some BBQ then ended up in Harvard Square at Charlie's Beer Garden.  (Note:  It wasn't nearly as good this time as the first time we were there.  It was PACKED with hipsters in tight pants.  Not my scene.)  While we were at the bar, L and a friend were trying to get the bartender's attention.  It was a female bartender, and the last time we were at Charlie's she definitely gave me the eyes and served me immediately every time I strolled up to the bar, so after L and her friend stood there for about 5 minutes I said "Let me try, the bartender likes me."  With a wink.  I stepped up, caught her eye, and got drinks immediately.  The girls were dumbfounded, but I assured them if the bartender was a guy the opposite would be true.

We hung out and drank at the beer garden for a while and then were ready to go.  As people were getting into cabs I stole L, got her in my own cab and took her to Brighton.  She quickly realized we weren't going to the same place we came from and asked me what was going on.  I told her and she had a little mini freak out for a second.  "I didn't tell them I was leaving!  They're gonna think I got murdered!"  I assured her they weren't going to think that, but I called anyway to tell them I had kidnapped her.  She relaxed after that and we had drinks on my roof deck while we smoked and looked at the city.

We had an amazing conversation.  I really haven't thought of L as a potential girlfriend at all because she lives in Hartford, and I really am not thinking of her that way now, but she is really cool, and actually very smart and up on current events, which is pretty refreshing.  There is nothing worse than referencing a major world event that is going, only to have the person you're talking to stare blankly with no idea what you're talking about.

So at this point I was about 5 scotches and probably 8-9 beers deep, and L had finished half a bottle of Sky on her own, so needless to say we were both DRUNK.  We went inside, I used the bathroom and came out to find L in my bed with no clothes on.  

We didn't have sex.  Well, I should say, I don't remember us having sex, though I didn't really have the balls to ask her the next day whether we had or not.  That would have been BAD.  But honestly, I really don't care.  It was great to wake up with her with her head on my chest sleeping comfortably.  That is probably one of the things I miss the most.  Waking up with someone in my arms.

The next morning I brought her back to Somerville where all of her friends were, where she and I both took the appropriate amount of shit for slinking away in the night.  We were going to head out to breakfast before she and her friends headed back to CT, and I was planning to join, but by the time everyone got mobilized and we got to the diner there was a huge line and I had to make a tee time.  I left without saying good bye, like a complete asshole, but there were circumstances involved that made it so it would have been tough to get to her.

I texted her last night to apologize for not saying good bye and tell her it was great to see her.  She said no worries, and that she was happy that she got to see me again too.  I told her to come back to Boston soon so I could kidnap her again.  She said she was sure that she would be back soon.

So here I am.  I have one girl who wants nothing to do with me, and another who could be perfect for me if she didn't live 90 miles away.

Once again, this is the story of my life.  Super.

Till next time.

Mission: Failed

So I was in Vermont last night.  Went to hang out with a friend, and get out of the city.  Went out to a few bars in Brattleboro.  Downtown Brattleboro, VT has a bunch of pretty good bars.  So I called L2 on Thursday night, and got the two ring, straight to voicemail.  I didn't leave a message.  Not sure if it was cuz she didn't have service, was on the phone or just sent it straight to VM when she saw it was me.  So I went to bed and didn't think about it.  Friday I talked to my friend Becky about it and told her I was just about done dealing with this girl.  She asked if I left a VM and I said no, and she suggested that there are a million ways she could have missed the call and that if I didn't leave a VM she may not even have known that I called.  So last night I figured what the hell, I'll give her a call.  I went out to the sidewalk and made the call.  She didn't answer and I left a message.

She texted m a few minutes later with a text that said: Hey, whats up?

I didn't know how to respond to that so I asked for advice from the girls that we were hanging out with.  An overall consensus was reached and I replied:  Not much, I'm in VT.  What is up with you?

Her response: Enjoying the weekend.  

Now, the fact that I actually got a response or two means something to me, but all of the girls that we were hanging out with said "She's not interested.  You're wasting your time"

So I didn't respond last night.  It seems that the girls we were hanging out with and voiceinmyhead are basically reaching the same conclusion.  So I guess I just stop trying at this point?  I dunno.

Another girl who wants nothing to do with me.  Becoming the story of my life.

Tonight L is in town.  Going to go do some bbq-ing at a friend's house and then maybe head out to Harvard Square for some drinks depending on the weather.  Should be a good time, and at that very least keep my mind off of L2.

For Example!

Quickly becoming one of my new favorite comics!

Check it out here: http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=9

http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=64

Right back at cha!

Work today was interesting.  It was my first experience with handling passive aggressive bullshitting.  I got called from the DC office, and it was a conference room full of my project manager on both the DC and Baltimore jobs, the woman who does nothing in DC and an electrical engineer.  The woman who does nothing had set up this meeting and conference call, without my knowledge, in an attempt to pin the blame for her project being over budget and behind schedule on me.  Why?  Don't know for sure, but I can guess.  I'm young, and I'm 600 miles away.

So the project manager starts asking me all of these questions, which for a time I answer as well as I can without throwing her under the bus.  Why didn't I throw her under the bus immediately?  Not sure.  Guess I was just being nice.  Finally he came to a bunch of questions about stuff I hadn't thought about in two months, and didn't have the pertinent information to answer, so I went on the offensive:

"Ya know what Andy?  Off the top of my head I have no idea, and I'll tell you why.  Ag (the woman who does nothing) hasn't responded to a phone call or email that I've sent her since the middle of June.  I asked her to get me all of this information from Fairfax County on a number of occasions and never received it.  After sending countless emails that weren't answered, and countless edits that weren't made, I went to my boss who went to her boss who did nothing.  So I looked for other work.  If you can answer my questions, I can finish this job for you in a week and a half.  The only reason it is still sitting in limbo is because my conduit to the county hasn't been getting me the information I've been asking for."

That shut her up for about 2 seconds, after which she began to deny that this was the case.  

"Ag, open your inbox.  Or I could just forward all of the emails I sent to you to Andy.  Either way, they are there."

She didn't say anything else.  I KIND of feel a little bad, but honestly, I'm not taking responsibility for her not doing her job.  No way.

I then proceeded to answer questions, and make suggestions that I had made before that were shot down.  The project manager asked with regard to the vast majority of suggestions that I made why we weren't doing it.  I said, "Ag, care to answer that?"  She didn't.  The only reason we weren't doing these things is because she said that we "couldn't" which, as it turns out, is complete bullshit.

In the end we're putting in the system that I was suggesting from the beginning that is cheaper, more efficient and simpler to operate.  In the meantime I spun my wheels for 5 weeks trying to figure out a bullshit system for this incompetent douche who then tried to throw me under the bus when the project ended up turning into a piece of crap.

So work was good.

HA!

In other news, nothing from L2.  I think I'll call her tonight.  This is her last chance.  If she doesn't answer, I quit.  Voiceinmyhead, I think you're right on, but I just need the TINIEST little bit more evidence before I just walk away.

Here is my question:  I understand that most people think other people are douches, or out to screw them, but how can you possibly know if you don't give someone a chance?  It is understandable.  I know where you're coming from, but I mean, I'm not out to screw anyone.  And the last 2 or 3 girls I've seen haven't even given me a chance to prove that to them before they decided they were all set.  Maybe I give off that douche bag vibe?  I really don't know.  Most of my friends and family would describe me as honest and genuine as far as I know.  Maybe I have a douchey vibe when I first meet people?  I mean, the thing I always hear girls longing for is someone who is honest, up front and not just trying to get into their pants.  Thats me!  Don't get me wrong, there are times that I'm not...umm...how do I say this without sounding like a pig?...looking for a relationship with someone??  But that is not the case with L2.  At no point during the times that I hung out with her was trying to get her in bed even CLOSE to the first thought in my mind.  I don't get it.

Ah, I don't know.  Whatever.  I'm much more resigned to the fact that there's really nothing I can do about it this time than with C.  I'm not going to change myself or how I act to placate someone or make them think they like me.  If this me isn't good enough for you, so be it.  I'm not pretending to be someone I'm not, only to spring the real me on you later on.

I have to clean my apartment.  Why you may ask?  Well, because it is messy.  My roommate is a slob.  And if I don't clean it, it will never get done.  Because he doesn't clean.  Never has.  In fact, his luggage is still sitting in the middle of my living room floor from a trip that he got back from a week and a half ago.  Yup.  That's what I'm living with.  I don't know about everyone else, but a cluttered messy house just makes my mind cluttered and messy.  I'm not a neat freak or anything, but its just much more relaxing to live in an apartment that doesn't seem like its full of shit.  The day we move out I'm going to fucking FREAK on him and call him out for the fucking slob that he is.  But right now it's not worth it.  It won't change anything, and he'll just act like more of a pissy little bitch than he normally does.

Wish me luck

We've been avoiding this for too long

Luxury is temporary then its gone

I thought that we would happen

I guess I'm wrong

We'll say "Hi" on the streeet

And then we'll move along

I know this will be awkward

But not for long

Cause soon you'll have a new boy

To sing you songs

I will not forget you

Nor will I accept the blame

I will see you on Good Friday

I'm sorry I could not do this yesterday

And tomorrow I am I busy

And what it is I can not say

And Saturday's no good, 

Don't you know there's a rock n roll show

So it has to be good friday, 

Then it's so long

       

-The Black Crowes

Pertinent?  This is why I love these guys.  Download the iTunes Originals album (minus the talking.)  I've been playing it for the last 2 weeks.

Wedding Rings???

I realized something a little disturbing lately:  I've begun looking at the ring fingers of attractive girls that I would potentially be interested in to see if they're hitched.  I know this doesn't sound like a big deal, but really, it is.

It means I'm at the point in my life where there is a legitimate chance that women I'm interested in could be married.  I remember college, high school, hell even a few months ago, that wasn't even a thought in my mind.  Now it is a very real thought in my mind.  Not Good.  This means I'll be subconsciously thinking "You better get a good one before they're all snapped up!!"  Don't get me wrong, I am all for a relationship (as I'm sure you could tell from previous posts) but to feel rushed to get into one?  That can't be healthy.  Plus my friends are getting married, my family members are getting married.  EVERYONE IS GETTING MARRIED!!!!!  AAAH!!! (pardon me while I freak out for a second.....ok I'm good.)

So yesterday my cousin, who is getting married, called to ask if I was bringing anyone to his wedding at the end of the month.  Yyyyyyyeaaahhh....not looking good for that.  Though L2 did get back to me yesterday after all of that, she didn't sound all that eager to hang out again.  Here's how the conversation went:

 

L2:  Hey sorry, what night were you thinking?

(now keep in mind this is about 40 minutes after I suggested we meet up.  So rather than give her a night and make her come up with an excuse why she couldn't I said this.)

Me:  Well, I've got a flexible schedule, so how does this sound  whenever you think you'll have time, you let me know, and we'll work something out.

L2:  Alright that works.

Again, I could be blowing this out of proportion, but she's definitely giving all of the "I don't give a flying fuck if I ever see you again." signals that I've come to know and love.  I guess my point is, I won't be inviting her to come to my cousin's wedding.  Again, I don't wanna put her in a position where she's gotta come up with an excuse why she "can't" come.  Also, asking someone to hang with my family is not small task.  There are TONS of us.  It could be a bit overwhelming.  Not that she'd come anyway.

So here I am.  Contemplating other people's happy pairings/marriages, while I, again, deal with a girl who could probably not care any less about me.  It sucks.  Shall I start the internet dating debate in my head again???  Not yet I don't think.  I think I just need to relax.

Work Blog

Yyyyup, I'm blogging at work again. Why you may ask? Well, because I am the only person in my office today. Yup, that's right. I am sitting in my office. Alone. This is so strange, in fact, that I actually had to reassure myself that today wasn't some type of holiday that I forgot. Alas, it is not.

Now comes the moral dilemma. There is no one else here. I can leave whenever I want. It is 2 right now, and I spent the last 3 days of last week in a different city sitting in a hotel room. Am I obligated to stay till 5 just because no one else showed up for work today? That seems dumb. I mean, if anyone deserves a vacation it's me no?

In other news, L2 and I have kind of been g-chatting back and forth a bit today. I'm thinking there's nothing there. As I said, she did call me Saturday morning. Which made me think maybe she does want to hang out. However, 20 minutes ago I sent this:

so at the risk of sounding like a broken record
if you're not busy all week
it would be nice to see you

Nothing. Seems I have once again found the kind of girl who won't just say "Ya know, I don't think this is gonna work." Instead she'd rather ignore what I've written as if it weren't there. So lame and frustrating. GROW UP! I actually voiced this complaint to her one of the times we hung out. She assured me she didn't operate like that. Seems she was not being completely honest.

Again, I may be blowing things way out of proportion, as I tend to do, but honestly WTF? At the same time, I feel as though I'm a bit of a hypocrite. I've been keeping the Russian at arms length so as not to have her get attached to me without actually telling her why I'm doing it. But I think my situation warrants a little bit of leeway. It's not like I can be honest with her right? I mean, my honest feeling isn't really bad, but at the same time if I presented the actual truth to her it may be pretty tough for her to take. Understandably so.

So here I am. Stuck in girl purgatory again. A girl I may or may not be interested in won't give me the time of day when I suggest we meet up. I mean, even if she is interested, this reflects pretty poorly doesn't it? Aye. Once again I will reiterate my desire for people who can be honest and up front with me. Seems to be like asking for $1 million. It's not IMPOSSIBLE, but probably isn't going to happen. (Note to readers: If you are, or know someone who is the blunt up front honest type PLEASE let me know. I'm not desperate (yet) or anything, but I'm really getting sick of what seems like re-runs of a bad TV drama: Girl meets boy. Girl outwardly has a good time with boy. Boy thinks girl had a good time and would like to see her again. Boy tries to hang out with girl some more. Girl ignores him until he gives up (generally pretty quickly because boy is not the type to pitifully chase girl around.) It's really driving me nuts. And I really believe that if any of them took the time to actually get to know me they may think there could be something more. But what do I know. Maybe I'm an asshole and I have no idea.) The good news is that I'm not feeling bad about or for myself. I do have the stuck in a rut type feeling, but I think that is more the culmination of a bunch of things, rather than just the L2 issue. (i.e.. my shitty roommate, etc.) So I guess I'm making progress.

Anyway, I'm thinking I'm leaving work around 3-ish. I've stayed, tried to be a team player, and done more than my fair share considering. Plus it's not like I'm sitting here overflowing with work to do. In fact, as is evidenced by my blogging, I haven't got a damn thing to do.

In still other news, I'm not feeling the whole facebook thing. I mean, I can understand that some people like it, and it's a good way to keep in touch and all, but honestly, I don't feel like I want to invest the time that would be required to have a good, updated facebook page.

(Random cheesy philosophical metaphor: I feel like I'm alone on the boat that is me, in the ocean that is the world and life. I know that over the horizon there are the people who care about me. My family, (some of) my friends. But I want someone to share the boat with. I want to find that other person sailing alone that has a boat that is just the right size, and wants to invite me on board. Or vice versa. It just seems like that ocean is too big to actually run into that person. And that looking for them only makes them harder to find. So do I just find a beach somewhere and hope they wash up? Or do I keep searching? In the past the beach has worked, but the circumstances were different. Now it seems like there are even fewer people in the sea.)

Back in MA

Thanks for all the feedback on that last post.  Though it is tough to really get a consensus from what you guys are saying.  It seems like doing something like asking a random girl out on the street isn't necessarily out of the questions, but that there are a lot of caveats that need to be satisfied before you do it?  I dunno.  I guess the lesson here is that I just need to stop being a coward and just do it.  We will see how, or if I deal with that fact.

Anyway, the weekend was alright.  Didn't exactly go as I planned.  First, on my way to Florida my flight was delayed for 3 hours.  Joy.  In the morning on the way into work my iPod decided that it was going to have a corrupted file, and therefore not work.  No biggie, I'm flying Jet Blue, I'll have a TV for the 3 hour flight.  I'll be fine.  (Side Note:  An old jewish man who I was talking to while I was sitting waiting for my delayed flight tried to make me promise him that I'd never get married.  With his wife sitting right next to him....I told him that was a promise that I couldn't make, but that I was in no rush.)  So, my TV didn't work.  I sat on a plane for 3 hours listening to these two little brat kids scream, yell and cry for the entire flight.  And it wasn't even like they were 1 or 2 years old.  They were like 5 or 6.  NO excuse for that.  Sorry.  If you can't control your 5 year old for a couple of hours then they don't belong on a plane.  Just my personal opinion.

Got home Friday and played nine holes with my roommate.  He is a miserable prick.  The kid was on vacation in southern California for 10 days, and he comes back and all he can do is fucking complain.  I mean honestly, what the hell?  If I had a 10 day vacation in Cali I'd be happy as hell.  Nope.  Not him.  All he could do was complain about random stupid shit, and his job, the minute he walked through the door.  It's unbearable.

Friday afternoon I got a call from a friend who was in town from Chicago.  She was at the Sox game and wanted to meet up at a bar after for some drinks.  I said sure what the hell, and tried to rally some support to come with.  I called L2.  She was headed down to Faneuil Hall with some friends.  I am all set with that scene, for obvious reasons.  Called a friend who lives by Fenway who was definitely into going out, and another friend called and said he'd come out too, but that he had to meet up with another friend in the area, and that his wife was coming.  No problem, the plan is falling into place.  So we all meet up at my friend's place near Fenway, and all of the sudden the two girls who are there (one being my friend's wife) decide that they don't want to go out.  Which means my friends can't go out.  Which means I'd basically be going alone.  I texted my friend from Chicago to tell her I was losing support, but that we'd be partying on his roof deck if she and her friends were interested.  

Needless to say we didn't meet up.

Spent last night at a few bars in Davis Square.  It was alright.  Not ideal.  I'd have to say overall the weekend has been a bit of a disappointment.  L2 claimed she had friends from out of town to entertain, which I understand.  It's all good.  Assuming it's the truth.  She did call me Saturday morning to ask if I'd be on the North Shore during the day.  I was, but for like 5 minutes to help my friend get a washing machine (I know, I really need to start saying no to people.)

I got texts from the Russian on both nights.  Friday night she wanted to come to my house at like 245.  I assured her that wouldn't work, because much like last time I'd fall asleep before she got here.  Yesterday she wanted to know if I had plans that night.  I did, and they involved bars, which means they didn't involve her.

At this point I am feeling like I'm in a rut again.  Next weekend promises to be fun.  L is coming up from Connecticut, and made sure to text me Thursday night to tell me that I had to make sure  I was going to be around.  So there is that to look forward to.

Again, my time in the airport kind of made me a little depressed.  It would be a lot nicer to deal with business trips and bullshit if I knew that at the end of it all I had someone I loved to come home to.  The fact that I don't has been on my mind a lot lately.  I'm trying to make peace with the fact that hopefully that person is out there, and that I will find them sooner or later (hopefully sooner?)  Single is fun.  But lonely.  Plus, as I've said probably 100 times before, I'm not surrounded by the kind for people that its fun to be single around anymore.  They're all attached/married/living with their girlfriends.  I don't even have a serviceable wingman, let alone someone who could actually be beneficial to go out with.

Eh, whaddya gonna do.  Till next time, thanks for reading, thanks for posting.