Work Blog

Yyyyup, I'm blogging at work again. Why you may ask? Well, because I am the only person in my office today. Yup, that's right. I am sitting in my office. Alone. This is so strange, in fact, that I actually had to reassure myself that today wasn't some type of holiday that I forgot. Alas, it is not.

Now comes the moral dilemma. There is no one else here. I can leave whenever I want. It is 2 right now, and I spent the last 3 days of last week in a different city sitting in a hotel room. Am I obligated to stay till 5 just because no one else showed up for work today? That seems dumb. I mean, if anyone deserves a vacation it's me no?

In other news, L2 and I have kind of been g-chatting back and forth a bit today. I'm thinking there's nothing there. As I said, she did call me Saturday morning. Which made me think maybe she does want to hang out. However, 20 minutes ago I sent this:

so at the risk of sounding like a broken record
if you're not busy all week
it would be nice to see you

Nothing. Seems I have once again found the kind of girl who won't just say "Ya know, I don't think this is gonna work." Instead she'd rather ignore what I've written as if it weren't there. So lame and frustrating. GROW UP! I actually voiced this complaint to her one of the times we hung out. She assured me she didn't operate like that. Seems she was not being completely honest.

Again, I may be blowing things way out of proportion, as I tend to do, but honestly WTF? At the same time, I feel as though I'm a bit of a hypocrite. I've been keeping the Russian at arms length so as not to have her get attached to me without actually telling her why I'm doing it. But I think my situation warrants a little bit of leeway. It's not like I can be honest with her right? I mean, my honest feeling isn't really bad, but at the same time if I presented the actual truth to her it may be pretty tough for her to take. Understandably so.

So here I am. Stuck in girl purgatory again. A girl I may or may not be interested in won't give me the time of day when I suggest we meet up. I mean, even if she is interested, this reflects pretty poorly doesn't it? Aye. Once again I will reiterate my desire for people who can be honest and up front with me. Seems to be like asking for $1 million. It's not IMPOSSIBLE, but probably isn't going to happen. (Note to readers: If you are, or know someone who is the blunt up front honest type PLEASE let me know. I'm not desperate (yet) or anything, but I'm really getting sick of what seems like re-runs of a bad TV drama: Girl meets boy. Girl outwardly has a good time with boy. Boy thinks girl had a good time and would like to see her again. Boy tries to hang out with girl some more. Girl ignores him until he gives up (generally pretty quickly because boy is not the type to pitifully chase girl around.) It's really driving me nuts. And I really believe that if any of them took the time to actually get to know me they may think there could be something more. But what do I know. Maybe I'm an asshole and I have no idea.) The good news is that I'm not feeling bad about or for myself. I do have the stuck in a rut type feeling, but I think that is more the culmination of a bunch of things, rather than just the L2 issue. (i.e.. my shitty roommate, etc.) So I guess I'm making progress.

Anyway, I'm thinking I'm leaving work around 3-ish. I've stayed, tried to be a team player, and done more than my fair share considering. Plus it's not like I'm sitting here overflowing with work to do. In fact, as is evidenced by my blogging, I haven't got a damn thing to do.

In still other news, I'm not feeling the whole facebook thing. I mean, I can understand that some people like it, and it's a good way to keep in touch and all, but honestly, I don't feel like I want to invest the time that would be required to have a good, updated facebook page.

(Random cheesy philosophical metaphor: I feel like I'm alone on the boat that is me, in the ocean that is the world and life. I know that over the horizon there are the people who care about me. My family, (some of) my friends. But I want someone to share the boat with. I want to find that other person sailing alone that has a boat that is just the right size, and wants to invite me on board. Or vice versa. It just seems like that ocean is too big to actually run into that person. And that looking for them only makes them harder to find. So do I just find a beach somewhere and hope they wash up? Or do I keep searching? In the past the beach has worked, but the circumstances were different. Now it seems like there are even fewer people in the sea.)