Lynn, I know where you're coming from. Since I'm the veteran of a few long term relationships I do know what it's like to find that person that you're smitten with. I also know what it's like to find a person that grows on you. The girl I dated for 6 years I was madly in love with nearly from the day I met her. She was beautiful, smart and wonderful. I spent some of the best and happiest years of my life with her and honestly, had I met her 5 or 10 years later in my life would have married her, but that is a story for another post.
The girl I dated for 2+ years it wasn't that quick. She was beautiful and fun, but what endeared me to her was seemingly her relaxed laid back attitude (which turned out to be a total misrepresentation) and easy to like personality. After seeing her a few times I wanted more. Fortunately so did she, so it worked out.
I guess the issue with E is that nothing is that clear cut. It's like, I COULD be into having more with her, and she seems really cool and fun but there's this cloud of uncertainty hanging over everything. And it's not necessarily about her. I mean, to some extent it is in that it is her issue with commitment that is making me uneasy, but at the same time if I were a different person I would be able to just deal with that.
G, I do not take offense to your post at all, and I appreciate your honesty. This is what this blog is about. I want unfettered unedited thoughts and ideas from anyone who posts here. With that said, let me try to address some of the things that you wrote.
First off, I am generally pessimistic of people as a whole. In my experience the vast majority of the population is not to be trusted. I guess trusted is not the right word. They just aren't up to snuff I guess, though perhaps I have standards that are too high.
Yes, I do want someone who is open and honest. I give that to people, and I expect it back. I personally don't think that is too much to ask. If you don't want to tell me your deepest darkest secret, thats fine, but as it pertains to me and my relationship with you, honesty is of paramount importance to me personally. It just makes everything so much easier, and it heads off those miscommunications or misunderstandings that lead to drama.
Take the boss for instance. Had the two of us been honest and open with each other at the time, things could have ended up very differently. Or the girl I was in the 2+ year relationship with: If I knew from the beginning that she had OCD, anxiety and was the complete opposite of laid back, I PROBABLY wouldn't have gotten into a relationship with her. These are the reasons that I value honesty and openness in myself and the people I surround myself with. With that said, none of my friends know about this blog, so I guess I'm a bit of a hypocrite.
I've asked if E could be honest with me, and told her that honesty was the one and only expectation that I had of her. Right now I'm trying to believe that I'm being given that, but it's hard sometimes. Why? Well this all stems from the conversation a few nights ago about commitment and monogamy. Her attitude toward it is unsettling to me. In the end, I can either deal with it, or not, but for the time being it puts doubts in my mind for a number of reasons. First and foremost, is she out sleeping with other people and telling me she's at work till 10? Second, I really don't have a good bead on what exactly it is she meant by all of that. I mean, maybe she said it as a point to make sure I know how fucked over she's gotten in the past, hoping it would make a difference to me. Or maybe she really means that she doesn't have any intention of not sleeping with other people because she just assumes I'd be doing the same thing. In which case what am I left with?
That is the issue now, and why I feel as though I need clarification. As in, am I completely wasting my time here? Should I be treating this as a hook up and nothing more? Someone saying they don't want to rush into a relationship doesn't exactly count as fuck buddy talk, but it also doesn't exclude that possibility.
The final point I would like to make is that you are totally right in your last point. If someone doesn't live up to my standards I do start thinking about getting out. But why shouldn't I? Why should I stay with someone and forgo other things in my life when they aren't what I'm looking for? The problem is, I'm unclear at this point whether or not E is what I'm looking for, and that, in the end, is what I need to figure out.
On my way to get E and head out. Dinner then fun with the friends. Thanks again for the comments and advice. You guys are great.
Till next time.
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