Baggage...Big Time....

It's been a while since I've posted, and I apologize.  But on the bright side I've got plenty of material to write about today.  I'm going to start where I left off.

Last Wednesday E and I went to the Legal Test Kitchen in South Boston for her birthday. (which is actually today)  We had some great food and wine, and a really good time.  We have no problem finding things to talk about and there is never awkward silence.  When dinner was over E suggested we grab a bottle of wine, head back to my place and watch stupid videos on youtube.  It was a great idea.  When we got to the car I gave her the books I got for a gift.  She was amazingly excited and told me she absolutely loved them

"Well, they're two of my favorite books, so I hope you enjoy them."

She kissed me, we got a bottle of wine and we spent an hour or so drinking wine and watching ridiculousness at my apartment.  She stayed the night, and we both left the next morning.  I told her I'd call.

After work, I was beat.  I sat on my couch and started watching the Red Sox game and remembered I was supposed to call E.  I got her on the phone and asked her what was up.  She said she had just put in a load of laundry and was planning on packing for her trip to NYC.  I said, "Aw that's too bad.  I was gonna invite you over to watch a movie."

"I can come over and watch a movie.  It's gonna take a while for my laundry to be done anyway."

We watched Outside Providence, one of my, and apparently her, all time favorite movies.  After the movie was over I kissed her because I figured she had to go.  She got the "I've gotta tell you something heavy." look on her face.  I asked what was up.

"So, you're gonna be mad at me.  I think I might have to stay with my ex for a night in NYC."

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"I don't know.  Aren't you jealous?"

"Should I be?  Are you gonna fuck him or something?"

"No, we're just friends.  But guys get mad about that kind of stuff."

"Well, I already told you I don't play jealous boyfriend, so.  Yeah.  Not mad.  Would I rather if you WEREN'T staying with your ex?  Sure, but its your life."

"Ok.  Thank you so much."

"Don't thank me.  Just don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"That narrows it down." she says.

"Well, I don't sleep with guys, so, there ya go."

She laughed and left with a smile on her face.  I told her to call as soon as she was back in town.

The weekend was a bit of a haze.  I spent Friday night with the friend who was at the bar with me when I met E, his girlfriend, her roommate (who is very very good looking) and their German friend who wasn't bad to look at either.

I played golf Saturday and my friend and I almost got in a fight with some douche on the golf course.  Saturday night I went to a cocktail party for a friend who just got over leukemia.  She wanted people to be dressed up, so I got myself together.  I wore a white shirt with vertical black stripes, a black tie with jeans that were nearly black (DARK wash.  Not black.  Thats hillbilly/hardcore.  neither is me) and black shoes.  Kind of emo looking, but not really because I don't wear tight jeans, just jeans that fit.  Quite frankly, I looked damn good if I do say so myself.  Needless to say I got shit for it from my guy friends who were wearing suit pants and blue shirts with lame yellow ties.  They were just jealous.  I grabbed my friend who's party it was and asked her if I looked ok.  "Oh I LOVE that.  Are you kidding?  You look great!"

I just smiled at my friends.  No need to rub it in.  We had many drinks that night and I woke up with a pretty bad hangover the next morning.

Watched the Pats get killed, and then went and played more golf.  E called at about 830.  She was at the Port Authority in NYC getting her ticket home.  She said she had a great weekend, and I told her I wanted her to tell me all about it.  We spoke for a while, and I told her to call me when she was in town.  "Well, if I'm in town at a decent hour tonight do you want me to call?"

"Sweetheart, its 9 and you haven't even gotten on a bus.  You won't be home till 1.  Call me tomorrow."

"Ok.  I'll talk to you soon."

Monday night I was planning to head down to Hartford for work Tuesday morning.  I stumbled into some Red Sox tickets in the State Street Pavilion that made a 5AM drive to Hartford this morning seem like a swell idea.  I called E.  "Awwww.  I wanna go to a Red Sox game!  I've been living in Boston for 7 years and I've never been!"

"If you stick around, I promise I'll get you to a Red Sox game.  I'll call you later."

The Sox lost.  That sucked.  I decided to walk a few blocks toward home to avoid the sardine can that is the Green Line after a baseball game.  On the way I called E.

"Hey beautiful.  Whatcha doin?"

"I just got out of the shower."

We talked for a bit as I walked home, and agreed that I'd call when I got to my place and she'd come over, even though I had to wake up at 430.  She came over, and we went straight to my room.  She got a phone call.  Whoever it was she told them she was at home.  Ummm...SKETCHY!

"How come you're lying to that boy?"  I ask.

She shuffles out and finishes her conversation, comes back and tells me that it was her friend's boyfriend John.

"Oh yeah?  How come you told him you were home and not here?"

"Because he doesn't need to know everything about my life."

I left it at that.  I knew she was lying.

We got in bed and umm...had some fun.  Half way through round two she kind of stops sort of abruptly and says she needs to go the bathroom.  I knew something was wrong, and asked her on her way out the door.  "Nothing."

On her way in she said "I lied to you."

"I know."

"That wasn't my friend's boyfriend.  That was this guy I used to hook up with."

"Uhu.  And he's drunk and wants a booty call."

"Well, no.  Yes."

"Ok, listen.  I don't ask for much.  Just honesty.  You're not still sleeping with him right?"

"No.  No not at all."

"Are you telling the truth?"

"Yes.  I haven't slept with anyone since we started seeing each other.  Have you?"

"No.  I haven't"

By this time she was back in bed with me.  She started to explain the whole situation she "used" to have with this guy.  I stopped her.

"Listen, what you've done in your past is none of my business, and none of my concern.  All I care about is you being honest with me in what you're doing now.  I don't think that's too much to ask.  I'm not asking you to do, or not do anything.  I just want to know so I can decide whether I want to deal with it based on the actual information."

"Ok."

"Could you ever be with just me?" I asked.  (Yup, that's hanging one out there.  Seemed like a good time.)

"I think so.  Could you ever be with just me?"

"Well, yeah.  I mean, I need to know more of you before I can promise you anything, but I think based on the fact that 8 of the last 10 years I've been in monogamous relationships and never cheated on anyone, I don't think I'd have a problem."

"Oh....I don't know about monogamy anymore.  I don't think guys can do it so I don't know why I should."  This opened some stuff up.  I could tell this hit something deep.  Here's the story:

She had a boyfriend in college for a number of years.  He cheated on her.  (Fucking scum bag.  I hate these people)  After that, she hung out with a friend of the now ex boyfriend who cheated on her, and had a casual relationship, because needless to say she was fucked up from the guy she loved fucking around on her.  The new guy spent a year or so convincing her that he was not like that, she finally gave him her trust, at which point.....HE FUCKING CHEATED ON HER!!!!  

"I held out for so long.  I didn't want to trust him for SO LONG.  And then as soon as I did he fucked me over!"

She is in tears at this point.  I'm...I'm a combination of enraged, and so sad for this poor girl that all I can do is hold her in my arms and tell her that I am sorry as I wipe tears from her face.

"I have to go outside and smoke"  she says.

"Hold on."  I turn over and look her in the eyes.

"Listen to me.  I'm sure this means nothing now, but maybe some day it will.  Right now I can't promise you anything.  I can't promise this is going anywhere, because I don't know.  But I can promise you this with my heart and soul.  If you and I are with each other, I will never cheat on you.  Ever.  I dated a girl for 2 and a half years, the last six months of which I could not STAND her, and cheating on her never entered my mind.  I would never do that to anyone.  That is horrible, and I'm so so sorry this has happened to you."

"I can't believe I'm crying in front of you.  This is way too soon."

"No it's not.  You're not scaring me away.  Listen to me.  The only way you'll scare me away right now is if you tell me that you can never trust me and that I'm wasting my time.  But I don't think you believe that."

"I just don't know."

"I know you don't, and I'm not asking you for anything like that now.  But if it's impossible, please let me know as soon as you do."

"Ok."

"Do you think you could ever be with just me?"

"I think so.  But I need time."

"I know."

She went outside to smoke and fell asleep in my arms.  We left early this morning because I had to go to Hartford.  Turns out a friend of hers (she claims a girl) got her a ticket to tonight's Red Sox game.  Her curse is broken.  I'm gonna text and say "have a good time, call me later."  Probably asking for rejection, but I gotta try, and here's why.

L called me when I was at the game last night.  She said she might be coming to Boston this weekend.  You know what this means.  Now, normally I'd say, E and I are not anything.  We don't owe each other anything, and she has not committed to me that she will not be fucking around on the side.  In a normal situation I would just do whatever without a thought, but this is different.  If this girl sees that I've fucked around on her, it might kill her.  Or it might not, since we haven't really promised anything to each other as far as this goes.  I need to find out where we stand before I can say anything to L.

Aye.  This is the drama that is my life.  Comments and suggestions are not only welcomed, I'm quite frankly dying for them.  I don't know how to handle this.  Nothing is ever easy, but I feel like the best thing I can do is be honest with her.  But how do I do that?  "Hey, this girl I've slept with a few times wants to come to Boston this weekend, and I need to know if you're going to be fucking around, because if you are...Umm, we might sleep together."  ???  I have a pretty good idea how that would go over.  But I don't know what else to do.

HEEELP!

Till next time.

(Randomness to the Nth degree:  I have been seriously considering writing something other than this blog.  I love to write, and I think I could adapt some of the real life BS I've dealt with into something good, but I don't know what.  I don't think I could write a book.  I'm thinking a play.  Or a screen play.  I'll keep you posted.)