WELCOME TO MY HEAD

Here it is....for the world to see....
Please read, and tell your friends...
AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD COMMENT!!!!

Quote of the....well....however long it takes for me to get a new one.

"You don't miss your water
Till your well runs dry."
-The Black Crowes

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Important decisions, not to be rushed....

E finally did call me Tuesday night. Quite late. She’s either not good at returning calls, or was avoiding me for some reason, or was just out having fun with her friends. Either way this is the problem with how things are at this point: If I call her and don’t hear back, what exactly is it that is going through my head? I’ll tell you what, it isn’t good.

So she called Tuesday night at about 1130. I was in bed, mostly asleep since I’d been up since 430, but she asked if she could come and stay the night. Who am I to say no? We left in the morning together, and since there were a lot of people at the subway stop outside my apartment there was no kiss good bye. She has odd rules about PDA and when it is and is not acceptable, but a quick kiss good bye does not really qualify as PDA to me. Maybe I’m nuts.

Princess B and G your thoughts on the subject are much appreciated. I’ve consulted my closest friends about the situation and gotten conflicting answers. Becky, my best girl friend from the west coast, says I should no hook up with L. Her argument is whether or not this thing with E is going anywhere I should not out of respect. That’s all well and good, I say, but what if she’s out messing around and I’m sitting her doing nothing?
“Well, then you probably shouldn’t be with her anyway if that’s how it is.”
A very good point.

My buddy Ham says I should just hook up with L. His argument:
“Look, if she can’t commit that’s her problem. Why should you sit around and deny a hook up to a hot girl you’ve known longer if she can’t say she won’t do the same for you?”
Also a good point.

I wanted to talk to E last night about our situation, without getting too dramatic or heavy obviously. I called her on my way home from work (I was there late) to offer her a ride home from work as it was about the time she normally gets out. She didn’t answer. I left a message. She hasn’t returned my call.

I have to be honest; this is not helping to make the decision easy for me. Don’t return my calls and you’re immediately downgraded as far as I’m concerned. Especially when the immediate thoughts for reasons why you wouldn’t be returning my calls are…let’s just say not good ok?

So here I am. I have L waiting on me to tell her yes or no and E is essentially ignoring me for the time being. The whole situation sucks I have to say. Becky told me that it’s never easy. “I’m painfully aware,” I say, “But it really shouldn’t be THIS complicated should it?”

“No. Frankly I think you’re too nice of a guy to have to put up with this shit, but what do I know.”

Thanks Beck. I was really starting to doubt that. It’s interesting to note that it seems like the people who are more sociopathic and bigger douches have better luck with women, and seemingly better lives. Now, I’m not sure if this is because they just don’t give a shit, so no matter how bad their life is, it doesn’t bother them, but I have to say it definitely seems to me that women are more attracted to them for some reason. I was really hoping that at some point I, and the women that I was interested in, would get past the whole “dating assholes to get back at daddy” or whatever that phase is, but I guess I’m not there yet. At the same time, you end up with girls like E, who if it weren’t for all of the assholes she’s encountered in her life might be interested in more with me and might not be too fucked up to commit to a relationship with a nice guy that could be great.

Pseudo Final Thoughts on E for this post: I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t be with E if she wants to be seeing/sleeping with other guys. I don’t know if that counts as a “commitment” from her or what, but I know enough about myself to know that I need that. If she can’t give that to me, then I guess I’m kidding myself. So this is a conversation that needs to be had. Also, I’m still not positive about this weekend. It’s funny, something as simple as her calling me back last night would have made this decision a lot easier. But she didn’t, which to me means I’m not important enough for the 45 second phone call to say “Thanks for the offer, but I got your message too late.” I’m not sure if that is me being neurotic, or if it’s really true. Third party help on this would be and is always much appreciated.

Thanks for reading. Until next time.

3 comments:

GM said...

first off I think you are making too much of her not calling back. You never know what is happening and you have said that she doesn't owe you anything right now.

Second, don't rush her into a decision. You already told her that you didn't need anything right now so relax. Don't ask for a commitment just find out where she stands on sleeping around. I think you will find that she isn't going to do it.

Third, if you are still considering hooking up with L then you should probably tell E. Because what you want from her is the same thing. You want her to tell you if she does anything or is interested in doing something with someone else. You can't ask someone else to give you something if you aren't giving it to start with.

Honestly in my opinion if you cared about E at all you wouldn't hook up with L. There is no possible future with L like there is with E. Why risk it for one weekend?

PrincessB said...

I agree with G. You can't say you don't want a committment and then ask about a committment. Now, I am not one to be sleeping with more than one person at a time. I just don't work that way. So, maybe I'm skewed in my old age.

The other thing...and I hate to say this because you do seem like such a nice guy...if you keep running into girls who want bad boys, the common denominator is, well, you. Maybe it's the type of girl you're going after. Not ALL women are messed up, even if we have bad experiences. I sense some feelings of ambivalence towards E. I mean, if you're ready to hook up with someone else, how much can you really like her?

voiceinmyhead said...

if she doesn't call you tonight, definitely call L.