Uncle Sam Wants YOU!

It's been quite a week/weekend thus far.  I'll try to summarize.  

Wednesday I went out with K, the Russian I met at the bar.  I met her at her house and we went for sushi.  (Side Note:  She looked absolutely beautiful.  This is the first time I've seen her made up and with clothes on that really showed off her figure.  Stunning.  She was turning heads all night.)  We sat, ate and talked.  After, I was stumped as to what to do.  I literally was trying to think ALL day long about what I was going to do with her.  I apologized and she suggested a movie again.  She said "It is not trouble at all, I love the movie theater."  So we walked to the theater, bought a ticket for the nearest show time and took a walk through the Fenway Neighborhood that I used to live in.  As we were walking around the neighborhood she grabbed me and kissed me.  I've learned that she...ummm...isn't shy about making out in the street.  Which is refreshing actually, but caught me off guard to say the least.

I had to break the news to her that I was going to be in Baltimore for the next week.  It was a little harder than you think.  I mean, just think about it; a guy you've been on 1 date with takes you out and essentially says "I can't see you for the next week and a half."  Your first inclination may be toward thinking it was B.S.  I assured her, and I believe she understood and believed me, though she did sound disappointed.  I reassured her to let her know that I was not thrilled about having to spend the week in Baltimore regardless, but it was even worse since I wasn't going to be able to see her. (Note: This was at least 75% genuine.  I really would like to see her again, and it having to be a week and a half between dates does suck.  At the same time, it is probably good that there is this time to keep me from rushing into something and turning into more than it is.)

I walked her home and we spent a few minutes on her doorstep kissing, and I told her that I would call her as soon as I was back in the state.

Thursday night is a blur.  I spent it at my brother's house on the North Shore.  There was a parade, fireworks and fun people.  And enough booze that I'm not really clear on what all went on, but I woke up alone with all of my clothes on, so I guess I've got that going for me.

Friday was the big cook out at my parent's on the North Shore.  I invited a bunch of friends from town up to celebrate the holiday, and the "Girl who Was There for Me" (she will be known as L from here on) came from CT.  We drank 2 kegs of beer, bbq-ed, played volleyball and other yard games.  And needless to say, there was more than a fair amount of drunkenness.  One of the "friends" that was invited was my roommate.  Couldn't be avoided without endless BS and drama and it was just easier to invite him even though he was the LAST person I wanted to be there.

So, the last time L was around my roommate (Q) TOTALLY hit on her all night.  Though she 

wanted no part of it, he kept talking, as he tends to do, endlessly.  Her and I ended up hooking up at the end of the night, and while I was speaking to someone else about the entire incident Q was eavesdropping, as he tends to do, and heard me tell a story about how it almost didn't work out because I didn't have a condom.  At this point Q interjects "Oh, you should have told me man.  I had a few."  To which I responded "Oh yeah?"  he said "Yeah, I figured if you didn't fuck L I would have so I came prepared."  ??  Who even says that first of all?  Second, she very very clearly wanted NO part of you.  At all.

So anyway, this weekend the same thing.  I invited this A-hole because I didn't want to leave him out and deal with his bitching, and he gets up there and IMMEDIATELY starts hitting on L.  Again, NO CHANCE dude, and she was definitely there to hook up with me in no uncertain terms.  So by the end of the night L and I are sitting kind of close, chatting, being a little playful, and I look up and I'm getting the look of death from Q.

I laughed in his face.  Kind of more rude than I should have been, but honestly, fuck you.  This was the culmination of tons of bullshit over the last few months.  He turned around a walked away without saying a word, as he should have.

(Randome Side Note:  L isn't stand out hot.  She is definitely attractive, but if you saw her on the street she might not really turn your head.  However, what was TOTALLY unexpected to me was how AMAZING her body is.  This morning is the first time I saw her with no clothes when it was light.  Just caught me a little off guard.)

Spent today on the boat going to the beach and swimming.  It wasn't an ideal day, but it was fun.  Q decided he would tag along as the 5th wheel.  Boy was I excited.

And now it is Saturday night and I'm sitting in my apartment alone blogging.  I don't have a problem with this at all because honestly, after the last two nights I need to take some time off from partying.  Tonight is definitely one of those nights that having someone to stay home with would be great, but alas I do not.  I'm good though.  I have to pack and get ready for my lovely week in Maryland.

I hope your Saturdays are more exciting than mine has been.

(Comment addressal:  It seems that the general consensus is that me dating a 20 year old is just fine, which is what I suspected.  Maybe Becky is just jealous ;)

Thanks again for reading and posting.

OK? not OK? I dunno

So I had a bit of a freak out last week.  Mini freak out.  I should say.  After I got the "You may need $10,000 to fix your car" news, and all of the realizations about C were kind of hitting me at the same time I was just overloaded.  I went for a walk at about 10PM.  I had to get out of my apartment.  My roommate is driving me absolutely NUTS (Side Note:  He really is a douche.  I didn't realize how much before because I spent a lot of time with my ex and he wasn't around.  Now he follows me everywhere.  Also, he sucks to live with.  In the two years we've lived together he has cleaned the bathroom once, never cleans anything else, complains constantly about anything and everything, and has a penchant for leaving rotting food in my kitchen sink.  I'm not a neat freak by any means, but come on.)  After I walked around for a bit I went to the bar across the street from my house because I still wasn't prepared to deal with him or being in my apartment.

Yes, I went to a bar alone.  And drank and watched the baseball game.  I found myself next to a pretty blonde girl, though honestly if she hadn't spoken to me I wouldn't have noticed.  I was just completely consumed by all of the bullshit surrounding my life at the time.

She is Russian.  Not of Russian descent, but from Russia, here for the summer.  She has a great Russian accent which, I have to be honest, I love.  So she says a few things, I am polite but by no means trying to be a charmer in any way.  Again, my head was full of thoughts like "Where the fuck am I gonna get $10,000?" and "Why is this girl playing me?  I didn't do anything to her and I REALLY thought she liked me."

So after a little while I apologize to her and tell her I'm really having an awful day and that I'm sorry if I seem like a jerk.  She apologizes for bothering me.  I assure her that she was no bother at all and that it was nice to talk to someone.  About 15 minutes later I stood up to leave.  I thought, eh what the hell, pulled out a business card, wrote my cell number on the back and walked back over to her.  I handed her my card and said "I'm sorry I was such a downer tonight, but if you ever want to meet up for a drink or something my number is on the back.  Have a great night."

Now, normally I'm not the type who hands out my phone number.  To me it's a bit taboo for me to expect a girl to call me.  If I don't get their number, thats it.  No dice.  But I was in such a shitty mood I really just didn't care.  She called me Monday night and asked if I wanted to see a movie.  Random, but not unwelcome. (Full Disclosure:  Apparently I have a thing for Eastern European/Russian girls.  My last girlfriend was Ukrainian and Bulgarian.  Not of descent, actually from there, though she moved here when she was 12 and had no accent.  You really would have thought she was American at first glance, and in fact I did the first time I met her.)

We went to the movies and saw "The Happening."  Not my favorite movie, but I've seen worse.  We walked home to Brighton, though I offered to get us a cab.  It was good because we got to talk.  Turns out she is 20.  Yeah.  I met a 20 year old in a bar.

That night we kissed at her door.  I'm supposed to meet her tonight because this is the last night I will be in town for at least the next week and a half (Yeah, remember business travel?  Spending next week in Baltimore...and possibly the week after.  Great for my social life, let me tell ya.) In the meantime I've asked a few people about the slight moral dilemma I'm having here.  Is it ok for me to be hanging out with a 20 year old?  I mean, my mom is 5 years younger than my dad, but they didn't meet when she was 20.  I've gotten conflicting answers.  My guy friends are all giving me the "Yeah man!  Good for you!" while my friend Becky was like "Eee...that is a little young."

I'm literally on the fence.  I don't know.  I mean, it's not like she looks like she is 13 or something, and she acts more mature than C (perhaps because she doesn't have the option of going to a club and acting like a 17 year old) so there's that.

Comments on this would be much appreciated.  I know it's too late to do anything about tonight, but I'm really curious how the world at large feels about this.

Here is another question:  What the hell do I do with a 20 year old?  I haven't been under 21 in almost 5 years now and my social/dating life has revolved around going out to bars or pool halls.  I don't remember what I did when I was 20.  Well, I guess I do, but that was get drunk in my apartment with 30 of my closest friends.  House party seems like it should be out of the question at this point.  I'm too old for that shit.

Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting.  If I don't blog before I hope everyone has a happy, fun and safe 4th.

(Aside, voiceinmyhead, if you're reading, just a quick follow up to your last comment.  The thing is I'm not an option.  And it's her fault.  I would have had no problem dealing with just being the dude on the weekends or every once in a while, but I'm not dealing with anyone who doesn't return phone calls or do what she says she's gonna do.  Perhaps she's had guys who would deal with this shit before, but she's lost me.  Is that a thought that goes through her head or does she not even care?  Also, I had no idea word verification was even on.  Once I figure out how, I'm turning it off.

Also, Penelope, I guess for now I'm off internet dating...though who knows what the future may hold.)

What Happened?

Ah the weekend.  This weekend would have sucked if the Black Crowes hadn't put on one of the best shows I've been to in years.  Let us delve shall we?

So Friday I went to the North Shore.  Gloucester has a big festival the last week in June every year and it is guaranteed to be a shit show.  It is also a good chance to catch up with those kids from high school that I don't see much (by choice or convenience is the constant question.)  I get a ride home with friends because, as we all know by now, Audis suck and mine is in the shop.  At home I call a good friend to get his ass off of the couch and get him out to the bars/festivities.  I tell him I won't be around tomorrow night so he HAS to come out tonight.  I tell my friends, who are here to party, that we'll go as soon as H shows up.  Yeah well, H returns my call.  He's the town over having a drink with friends.  He assures me that he'll be at my house in under an hour, and we'll go out then.  This is at 9.  I hang at my place drinking.  Losing track of time.  11 rolls around and my phone rings "lets go out"...The bars in Gloucester close at 1230.  "Thanks but no thanks dude.  What happened to an hour?"

Yeah.  Partially my own fault for not paying attention to the time, but what the hell is the deal here?  Why am I the person that people are CONSTANTLY flaking out on?!  ARGH!  This is really kind of getting to me.  I may start flaking out on people for spite.  Just to return the favor.  How horrible is that?

Saturday rolls around and we head up to a friends place in Portsmouth for some pre-concert BBQ and drinking.  In the interim, the "Girl who was there for me" texted and she is going to be coming up for the 4th.  (Full Disclosure:  I haven't gotten laid since the last time I slept with her...which was, A month or so ago?  I don't know.  I guess that's not bad, but it seems like FOREVER when most of your life has been spent in serious relationships where getting laid wasn't hard.)  So hopefully that will go well.  She's an OK girl I guess, but I don't see this as anything other than just some fun.  Which is really just what I need at this point.  As much as I seem to think its a good idea, I really don't need another relationship right now.  I need to figure out some shit about me by myself.  Which isn't to say that if my dream girl came along I wouldn't jump.  But needless to say, she isn't here.  

As I said before the show was AMAZING.  I've seen the Crowes 3 or 4 times but this was by far the best.  The Casino Ballroom in Hampton is an amazing venue and the set list was perfect.  We drove back to Gloucester and finished off the night with some hamburgers and Budweiser.  

At a point in the night I got a text from my old roommate (a girl, yeah, I've lived with girls too...again, the friend thing).  It said "You need to come to CT" where she lives now.  Now, full disclosure:  2 weeks into living with this girl I woke up at 3AM with her standing drunk in my room.  In no uncertain terms...ummm...looking to get laid.  I did the honorable thing and put her to bed because 1) she was clearly shitfaced and 2) she had a boyfriend at the time that was always at the house...awkwardness I could live without.  On another occasion I was in CT at the casino when I got a call from her.  I was drunk.  She was drunk.  We both wanted to hook up but were both too drunk to drive anywhere.  I said "I'm gonna go play blackjack and if I win any money I'm gonna get a car to your house."  Well, I won, but by the time I called her it was 330 AM and she was asleep.  Opportunity lost.  So at any rate, I responded "That can probably be arranged, but you need to come to Boston sometime too."  "I will.  Soon."  So I guess I may have that to look forward to??  Who knows.  I'm sure she'll flake out too knowing my luck.

Sunday was basically a waste, but I did actually play 18 holes in the afternoon so that was good.  I'm now sitting in my apartment blogging instead of enjoying this beautiful day, but I needed to write something.

On Comments:  You guys are great!  I'm gonna try to address a few, and actually ask some questions of you.

voiceinmyhead: You say you've been this girl before.  Why?  I mean, do girls think its better to just avoid a situation till it goes away than it would be to just say, "Listen, I don't think this is gonna work.  I'm sorry."  That doesn't seem like too much to ask for.  But perhaps it is, I clearly have no clue!  HA!

Also, about the list; I'm glad I'm not asking for too much.  I mean, I didn't think it was out of line, but I honestly haven't found anyone who meets the criteria here.  I've been close.  Obviously.  But now that I'm playing the "game" it seems like no one can even handle meeting ONE of the things on the damn list.  It's discouraging.  I'm trying SO hard not to be jaded, but I'm not sure how long I can hold out.  HELP!  HAHA!  It's like I feel like I should be able to find someone like this but I can't.  I understand that everyone  is trying to not get played, and that its hard to trust people, but I really don't know how to convey to people that I'm NOT going to screw you over.  Give me a chance.  Let your guard down and I promise you won't regret it.

I'm THIS far from internet dating.  I don't want to do it.  It seems like a horrible idea, and honestly, (I don't judge, though this sounds judgmental) it seems a little pathetic for someone my age and in my situation to be doing it.  Any thoughts on this?

Also, I'm now reading "No Country for Old Men"  Can't get myself to read Atlas Shrugged So I'm taking it off the list.  Lazy, I know.

Thanks for reading and commenting.  You guys rock!

One more thing...

I got a card from my mother today.  It's not my birthday or any other occasion, but she sent it.  She knew I was down, and sent me the most amazing card with the most amazing things written in it.  I love my mother.  I always have.  But right now I love her just a LITTLE bit more...if that is possible.  I'm going to call her right now and tell her....I hope you all have someone in your life like my mother.  We all deserve it.

Deep thoughts by jack handy

So I'm not calling her.  I won't do it.  I talked to my friend Becky, who is the shit, for the record, and she said "Fuck that girl.  You're a great guy and if she isn't going to call you she's a bitch.  You can do better I promise."  I love you Becky.  I really needed that.  Becky has been my Jiminy Cricket (along with you folks of course) for the last few weeks.

Anyway, I guess with this post I'm gonna make it not about my personal life for once.  After this weekend I'm sure I'll have TONS to tell, but for now, no.

Ok, so I saw this link on the Digg yesterday.  I've seen people in these shirts and honestly, WTF?  My first reaction, of course, was to ask "Is that guy wearing a girls shirt?"  Well, all of my fears have been realized because he wasn't.  This is a man cleavage shirt.  Ya know what I want to see when I'm walking down the street?  Some man cleavage.  Yeah.  That's hot.  Girls, am I way off or is this the dumbest fashion trend of the last 10 years?  God help us.

Also, since I'm single, and involved in so many weddings this year this link kind of struck a chord with me.  Too funny to not share with the world.

Few more random links:

A Guide to Douche Bags - Priceless.  Not sure what type of douche bag I am, but hopefully none.  Though I guess everyone gets a little douchey at times.

A Letter From a Boston Cop - This is pretty much perfect.  I love everything about what this guy is saying.  Unfortunately he's not allowed to beat the piss out of these idiots because everyone and their brother has a camera phone and would only film him beating someone up, not the part where someone smashes a window or lights a car on fire to deserve said beating.

What Airline Pilots Want to Say when you have a flight delay.  Priceless.  And self explanatory.

This Piece will be a bit controversial.  It is a long video for youtube, but everyone in the U.S. and the world needs to watch it.  The common misconception about the Israeli Palestinian conflict is that Israel is good, Palestine is bad.  Needless to say it is not that cut and dry.  Israelis are not saints, and as seen in this piece are prone to firing carelessly into crowds of innocent people, as well as murdering people in cold blood and then lying about it to the outside world.  It is quite graphic, be warned, but it may open a lot of people's eyes to what is really happening in the region.

I hope you all have a fun safe weekend.  Thank you for reading and commenting, and wish me luck. I'll need it.

Good bye for now.

??What??

Ok wrap your heads around this one.  I got a text from C today at 615.  It said "I'll call you later to figure out this weekend."

No call.

What the fuck?  What IS that?

I have NO idea what this means?  If you didn't want to call, why would you text and say you would?  It makes no sense.  I'm pretty done with this girl.

BTW, Penelope, comment all you want.  Never too many.

I'm back...for now

Alright.  I've cooled off a bit.  I guess.  Still not having a good day, but I'm better than I have been for the past few.  So I want to address some comments before I rant.  Again, thank you all for reading and writing.  It really does mean a lot.  First I will address a commenter specifically.

Penelope, your insight is very helpful.  I'm thinking that you're right.  Though I get vibes from C when we're together that make me feel like she is as into it as I am, the truth is she probably isn't.  And that isn't her fault, and I don't hold that against her in any way.  I just wish it was more clear and easier to tell.  I'm now taking the approach of "If you want to see me let me know.  I'm done chasing you."  So far so good.  I told her I may be in town this weekend and that if she wanted to meet up to let me know.  Got a text today, we'll see what happens.  But I'm not going out of my way.  I'm going to do what I want and if she is a part of it great.  If not, I guess that answers a lot of questions pretty easily.  I am not interested in someone I'm going to be doomed to try to entertain, impress, chase, keep whatever.  I'm not in high school anymore.  

I've been seeing a lot of lists lately of what guys should do, or what girls want or all of that stuff from a dating perspective and it kind of made me want to make a list of my own.  Here goes.

10 Things my dream girl knows:

1.  If you want something, ask for it.  Chances are 99% of the time you'll get it.  If you beat around the bush, or hint or just expect me to know chances are I won't.  I'm a guy I generally don't pick up on that subtlety stuff and then you'll be mad because I didn't know what you wanted.  As the old saying goes: Ask and you shall receive.

2.  Be honest with me.  I'm a big boy.  I can take it.  If honesty says you don't think we'll work out because we're just different, or you don't feel a connection, just say that.  I can handle it.  What I can't handle is when people do things like just stop answering their phone or don't call back or act standoff-ish and aloof.  Just tell me.  It will save us both a lot of trouble.

3.  Don't be flakey.  If you say you're going to do something, do it.  I understand that things happen and sometimes there's nothing you can do, but honestly, if you say you're going to call, call.  I can't think of a reason why you wouldn't be able to get on the phone for 2 seconds and say "Hey I'm real busy can we talk tomorrow" or even just send a text.  It's not hard, and it means a lot.

4.  Don't judge me based on my clothes or my car or how much money I make.  I know, its hard.  I freely admit that I'm more superficial than I'd like to be, but I promise the substance of the person I am is not embodied in my vehicle or the pictures I have hanging on my walls.

5.  It is ok to be forward.  I know in your grandma's day it was taboo to be the person who made the phone call or suggested meeting, but this is 2008.  If you have free time and you'd like to see me, call.  Chances are I would be psyched to see you.

6.  Dinner Etiquette:  If I take you out to dinner, get what you want.  Don't sit there and say "Oh that is too much." or just order a salad to save me money or make me think that you don't eat.  I asked you out to dinner, I understand what that entails.  And when the dessert menu comes around, get something if you want it.  It doesn't make you a pig or any less attractive.  Also, don't even THINK about putting your hands anywhere near that check.  I would honestly leave a restaurant hanging my head in shame if you paid any part of the bill.

7.  How you interact with my friends says a lot about you.  I'm not saying you have to like them all.  Hell there's things about all of them that I don't like.  But if you sit around with a stuck up "I'm over it" look on your face all night not even trying to have fun or talk to people it does not reflect well on you.  I won't leave you alone, but I also don't want to be the only person you talk to all night.  Also, if you have a friend that is a man hater, it would be nice to know before I get the eye roll for daring to speak to her.

8.  Guys want sex.  Always.  Pretty much always.  I can think of very few times that we don't.  Girls, on the other hand, don't.  Now, this leaves us guys in the interesting position of trying to guess when you girls want to get laid.  I understand that this needs to happen sometimes, and that sometimes I need to get you in the mood to want to have sex, but honestly, if you want sex, and I'm around, say the word.  Don't tell me the next day "Oh I really wanted to have sex last night but I wasn't sure you were into it."  Here's your answer.  I was. I am.  Chances are I always will be. (with a few exceptions)

9.  Relax.  This is just a general sentiment.  In my experience the girls I have dated have constantly felt like there was a problem, or had some reason that they should be freaking out in one way or another.  Especially with regard to me/our relationship.  Know what ruins a relationship really quick?  A girl who makes up problems that aren't there, or constantly asks if everything is ok when there is no reason everything wouldn't be ok.  If there is a problem I will let you know.

10.  Don't play me.  I'm a nice guy.  I'm not playing you.  I'm going into whatever this happens to be in good faith, and you should too.  I know its hard.  I have a hard time with it myself.  And I'm sure you've had your experiences with douche bags who are just trying to get into your pants.  But thats not me and I'm not ready to be that jaded old man who thinks everyone is fucking with him, so please don't contribute to me ending up that way.

There's a quick diatribe if you will.  I've never really made a list on this blog before but that was an interesting experiment.  I really had to think about that.  Anyway, thoughts are appreciated.  I'll probably post again later but I gotta do some laundry.

Also, if you read this list and your first thought is "Good luck.  There's not a snowball's chance in hell you're ever finding that."  That would be helpful to know.  Because I don't think its all that outlandish.

BAD! Bad Blogger!

I'm being a horrible blogger lately.  And its not for lack of anything to say.  I have tons to say but I'm in a horrible mood and quite frankly have been getting drunk and stoned beyond belief for the last 2 days to make myself feel better about it.  By the way, Audi told me its not 5 k to fix my transmission today.....its 10k.  Ten thousand dollars for a new transmission.  What The F*#&^$@?

I promise I will write soon.  I really want to touch on some of the comments.  I apologize for keeping you guys hanging but this is how I deal with massive B.S. in my life.  I drink.  Yeah.  Not healthy.  If you want to lecture me feel free.  I probably need it.

Grrrr....

So my transmission is broken.  Don't buy an Audi with an auto.  I knew that.  I bought one anyway.  I'm an idiot.  So now mine is broken.  And I need to replace the transmission.  We're talking on the order of 5 k.  talk about ruining my summer.  I'll write more at a later date, but I'm really in no mood.

Bit of an Epiphany

So I'm kind of coming to my senses about C.  She didn't call me today.  I had to call her at about 9 PM.  I'm kind of being played aren't I?  I'm kind of realizing this at this point and I'm convincing myself that I'm right, that she isn't in it for the same reasons as me.  Also, I'm thinking its not about her being flakey and more about her not giving a shit about whether she gets back to me or not.  I gave her the benefit of the doubt for a little bit too long, but even if she is just really flakey do I really want to deal with someone like that?  This is the thinking pattern I'm used to going through my head when I'm "normal".  I guess it's less emotion and more logic.  Thinking like an engineer if you will.  This is where I'm comfortable, and it saves me a whole bunch of stress and anxiety when I can step back and get rid of the emotional reasons I'm thinking about things.

Here is where I am with C.  I spoke to her today.  Called her out for not calling me, and then said "Ya know, it's way to early in whatever this is for me to expect anything from you and vice versa.  I do expect honesty.  That isn't too much to ask.  I would love to keep seeing you how we are seeing each other now.  I have no problem with that.  I just wanted to clarify what this is/was so we were both on the same page.  Also, if you say you're going to call me, please call me and don't make me sit all night waiting for you.  Thanks."

The ball is in her court.  I'm at the point where I'm not going to try all that hard for a girl who isn't exactly showing a whole lot of interest.  I've realized that what happened this weekend definitely shouldn't have happened like it did, and thats how I'm looking at this.  If she wants to see me, she can see me.  If not, I can deal with that too.  That was the problem I was having.  I didn't think I could deal with not being with her, but I'm now looking at her, how she is and the realisticness (i just made that word up) of whether anything would ever work between us even if she did want it to.

I say this all now because I'm a tough guy.  Wait till I'm home alone for a few days.