...Same Old...

So, obviously I was being neurotic.  As always.  C texted me and we're planning to meet up tomorrow night.  The lesson, as always, is I'm an idiot.  It pisses me off that I feel like this for 2 reasons.  It is completely unfounded, in this case at least.  And honestly, I really shouldn't care this much about someone I don't even really know that well.

I want to write, but right now I'm tired and pissed off because the Celtics are getting absolutely smoked, and once again the officiating is dubious at best, so I'm really in no mood.  This is why I hate the NBA.  If it were going the other way I'm sure I'd love the NBA, but it's not so right now I hate it.

Anyway, thanks for all of your comments.  Once again if I actually listened to them it might help.

What is my problem?

I told you all I'd find a way to make this negative.  Last night C was out with her friend's for one of their birthdays.  I sent her a text and got no response. I'm sure there are 100 legitimate reasons that she didn't get back to me last night, but I'm obviously only thinking of the bad ones.  What I SHOULD have done is realized that C was out with her friends, and not even have sent the text.  

But at the same time, if you got a text from someone like me in the situation we're in, wouldn't you return at least SOMETHING?  Am I crazy, or am I just way off in what I think is going on here?

I hate this shit.  I need to chill the fuck out.

Good As New..

Picked up my car from the body shop today....FINALLY!  That would be one and a half weeks it took them to fix and paint the rear quarter panel and the bumper.  I have never done body work on a car, but come on...that is 8 business days to take off and paint a panel and a bumper and put it back on.  Seems like too long.  But it may have been a blessing in disguise.

I had to go to the North Shore today to pick up my car so I figured, what the hell, I'll give C a call and see if she wants to have a drink.  She did :)  We met up for a drink and ended up talking for hours and staying for dinner.  It is nice to meet someone who is so easy to talk to.  And it seems like this may be going somewhere, but it is too soon to tell I guess.  She said she wanted me to meet her friends (only fair since she knows 70% of mine), and for me to take her out for sushi because she has never really gone.  That sounds good right?  I'm sure in the next few days I will find a way to spin it in my head into something other than good.  But I'm happy now.

In other news, the Celtics got screwed by the same officiating that gave them the victory in game 2.  It is just insane to me that NBA referees can be so egregiously horribly inconsistent based solely on the venue that the game happens to be in.  A foul in Boston is not a foul in L.A. and vice versa.  It makes no sense.  It is either a foul or it isn't, regardless of where you are.  The bigger problem is that the NBA as a league sits aside and doesn't address the issue at all.  They deny it exists.  Well, sorry David Stern, but the truth is, every referee you have has throughout their career displayed a home team bias.  It doesn't matter what home team, just the team that is playing at home (or one of 5 or 6 current superstars including Kobe Bryant and Dwyane Wade).  The referees for the most part have more effect on who wins the game being played than the players do.  Just ask the Dallas Mavericks.  It is a joke.  It is one step above professional wrestling.  Yup.  I said it.

Who is Dependable?

One of the things that is really striking me now that I don't have a significant other in my daily life is the lack of dependability in the people that surround me.  For the most part it isn't intentional, though there are many who don't give a rat's ass about fucking me over.  But I honestly can think of maybe 2 or 3 people (who aren't my parents) that I could really depend on for something.  That, to me, is sad.  I mean, when did it all of the sudden become ok for people to not do what they said they are going to do, or to just be intentionally misleading or flakey?  I think that I am dependable.  I mean, if I tell someone that I am going to do something I generally get it done.  I guess this is why I'm the person who gets the 2 AM calls from the police station.  It is frustrating to have to assume that people will not come through, and behave like it is a luxury for someone to stand by their word.  I have a huge problem with the fact that this is an acceptable form of behavior in our society.  It is easy.  Make a plan, then do it.  Done.  Over.  There you are.  You're not a flake, you're dependable.  That is all it takes.  I'm not hard to please.  This is all stemming from a few situations I've been involved in lately, but I would say it is due mostly to the fact that I don't have a girlfriend that I can depend on every day.

In other news, the weekend was great.  C came into town Saturday night and we made a great night out of less than ideal circumstances.  We went to dinner with a group of my friends for a friend's birthday.  She was perfect.  Looked beautiful, was social, happy and fit right in.  Then we all came back to my place, as it has become the default after party locale.  In an apartment full of people I managed to slip away to my roof deck with C and got a chance to have a really great conversation with her, which included her saying "you just seem like a really nice and genuine guy to me...and that is hard to find."  She also said that the last guy she hung out with a few months ago was "trying to force me into a relationship when I just wasn't ready for it."  Like an idiot I didn't take that opportunity to ask if she still felt that way, but the rest of our conversation led me to believe that she may be open to something more now.  That is something I will have to find out later.

By the end of the night we were both very drunk...again...she apologized profusely for being so intoxicated, to which I replied "you don't have to apologize.  you're doing great.  I can barely tell."  She grabbed me by the arm and whispered in my ear "If I get really drunk will you please take care of me?"  I replied "Of course I will.  I promise I won't let anything bad happen to you.  You have my word."  She kissed me then and there and looked truly happy.  Kind of made me wonder about the kind of guys she's been around if me taking care of her when she's off her ass drunk is a luxury she didn't assume she would be given.  As if I would have thrown her out on the street in that condition?!

We ended up in my room on my bed at the end of the night.  It was pretty obvious where it was going, but I had to stop it, and in the most awkward 20 seconds of my entire life I said "listen, I think you're wonderful, and beautiful and honestly I want you so insanely bad right now that I don't know why I'm doing this, but we are both really really drunk and I don't want it to happen like this."  I held my breath and waited for her reaction.  She threw her arms around my neck pulled me close and kissed me.  Pulled back and said "You are right.  Thank you for saying that."

I called her yesterday after 18 holes (yeah, 18 holes in 98 degree heat with a raging hangover....not the best idea in the world.)  I told her I was thankful that she came into Boston and told her how wonderful I think she is and that next time it was going to be just her and I.  She said she had a great time and that it was no problem at all that we hung out with all of my friends all night.

So there we are.  I'm kind of on cloud 9 at this point, and have pretty much had a smile on my face since she left Sunday morning saying "I wish I didn't make plans to go to the beach with my friends today..."  Well, except on the side of the 6th green where I promptly deposited all of the water that I'd been drinking all morning in a sand trap...

Saturday morning, 10AM

Re-read that last post and I'm kind of realizing that I sound like a pretentious douche.  I was angry.  Bad day at the office.  So I vented here.  Again, this is kind of like my therapy.

Was at the Sox game last night....right behind the home dugout, perhaps you saw me on TV.  Great seats to a horrible game....8-0?  Really guys?  To the Mariners??  WTF?

Got a friends B-day party tonight.  C is coming (I'm gonna start using initials like Julie.  Sorry for stealing your moves, but I like it.)  It will be fun I assume, but I'd really like to get some alone time with her.  The last time I was with her we at least got to go to dinner and talk first.  This time we're pretty much gonna be surrounded by people the whole time.  Not ideal, but at least I'll get to see her.

In other news I'm sore.  For 2 reasons.  I played volleyball last sunday with a couple of friends.  Went running for the ball, hit it in the air, and the guy on my team dove to get it and rolled up over the back of my leg bending my knee in a direction that it is not meant to be bent.  At first it just hurt a bit, but now I'm thinking there may be some real damage because it's been almost a week and it is still really tight and sore.  Just what I need.  The other reason is that since my knee is a mess I couldn't run so I did about 100 pushups and 200 sit ups instead....bad idea.  I can barely lift my arms above my head....but boy am I going to be super jacked!  I remember a time when I used to be able to work out and not be sore....I guess I'm old now....damnit.

A Scholarly Discussion....

Here's the problem with scholarly discussions:  Someone always thinks that they are more right than the other person.   How they deal with this fact says a lot about their personality.  I used to be really bad about this.  As in, I would take it very personally if someone disagreed with my stance, and all I could think of was hitting them over the head with facts until they realized that I was right and they were wrong.

I think I've matured.  I know I've matured.  At this point for the most part I really don't give a crap what people think they know.  I know what I know.  If they think something else, I try to explain to them their incorrectness, and they choose to ignore that, its their problem, not mine.

Here is a problem I have sometimes though (particularly at work.)  People talk about things with me, say what they think, state what they think is fact (not opinion, which is completely different, and for another post).  Now,  I'm going to try to not blow too much smoke up my own ass, but I read a lot, have a better than average grasp of science and mathematics, graduated from engineering school with a damn good GPA and truly make an effort to continue educating myself almost every day.  When some idiot comes up to me and says something like "I don't believe in evolution" I just brush it off.  There is no reasoning with people like that.  If you don't believe in evolution, good for you.  But you really sound pretty ignorant to pretty much everyone north of West Virginia, and most of the people south of there too.

Here is my big problem:  People make statements of fact that I KNOW are incorrect.  I try to, as nicely as I can, explain the actual situation to them.  I'm not trying to be a smart ass.  I'm not trying to make them look dumb.  Just the opposite really, I'm trying to make it so they don't make the same incorrect statement again.  What I get sometimes is "Oh really?  I didn't know that."  Which is great.  What I get a lot (again, particularly at work) is "What are you some kind of know it all?"

Yes.  I'm a know it all.  Because I know something that you don't know, I'm a know it all.  I'm not more educated, or better at remembering things.  I'm a know it all.  This drives me crazy, because it is really more about them trying to save face for being completely wrong than it is about me, but the fact that I am put down in some way for being educated is just obnoxious.  It drives me nuts.  With friends I can swing back, at work, I have to bite my tongue and say nicely "Well, what I said is true.  You can look it up if you want."

I'm going to write what I'd like to say right here: "Am I a know it all?  No, I just know that you are wrong.  There is no reason to be an obnoxious prick just because you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.  You COULD be mature, learn something and not look like a dumb shit the next time the subject comes up, or you could sit here and call me a know it all if it makes you feel better.  Either way, I really don't give a fuck, but for the record, you are wrong, and I am right, and if you spent 3 seconds looking that shit up instead of giving me crap, you might be better off for it.  Only a person as ignorant as you could possibly begin to think that they "know it all."  ASSHOLE!"

I'm better now......Perhaps I should just let people continue to be misinformed...

P.S. I have another date with Caitlin this weekend.   :)

One of these days I will stop worrying like an asshole and realize that not everyone doesn't like me.

Business Travel

I travel for work.  Not a lot, but it happens more than a few times a year.

When I tell people this they are SO impressed.    I don't understand why.  I mean, if I were important enough, or high enough up in my company, I wouldn't have to travel.  I'd send someone like me out to travel instead.  People also think it is SO COOL to travel for work.  Sometimes its not bad, but let me sum up what most of my work travel ends up being like.

Wake up at 4 AM to get to the airport far a 630 AM flight.  Deal with the airport and all of its nonsense.  Get on the plane and fly to wherever the hell it is I'm being sent in that particular instance.  Get to the office.  Work.  Work with a bunch of people who I don't know all day and into the night.  Generally pretty late in the night.  Go to dinner with someone from said random office who I don't know, or in the worst case alone.  Check into the hotel room, sleep till early the next day and get into the office really early.  Work till noon-ish and then go back to the airport and fly back home, get into Boston just in time to sit in rush hour traffic in a cab on the way home.

Now, I know some people think it is glamorous to travel for work, but quite frankly it is pretty much exactly the opposite.  It sucks. I hate it.  If I never do it again I would be thrilled....but at least I can tell people and impress them.....

Bookeeping...and such...

So I re-read that post from 2 nights ago...seriously considered taking it down, but I feel like if I post it, its there for a reason, so it's staying.  I'm really not neurotic.  Or I didn't used to be, but reading that makes me feel like Van Gough or some shit.  I'm not depressed.  Never have been.  I just had this overwhelming feeling of loneliness for some reason...it's gone now...

Anyway, as far as books go, I've finished The Road.  It was good.  The ending (specifically the last paragraph) kind of left me scratching my head, and I'm definitely going to have to read the whole book again to pick up on the subtle symbolism type stuff.  I've decided Atlas Shrugged needs to wait for another time.  I don't think I am in a situation where I can give a book of that volume and deepness the kind of time that I should.  So I'm re-reading A Short History of Nearly Everything...again.  I'm an engineer, its a nerd book, but every time I read it I feel like I learn something new.

In other news, I've got a pretty booked month coming.  Few concerts, sporting events, holidays and maybe just maybe a little party with all of my fellow bloggers.  I'm excited.  It seems every

 time I'm single I get to do tons of awesome things with my friends that for some reason I don't get to do when I'm attached.  And its not even like I couldn't do them when I have a girlfriend, I just don't for some reason.  It is a mystery.

Also, today is apparently an historic day, as an African American man has been nominated as the Democratic party's presidential candidate.  Many people say that this shows serious progress in American society.  I guess that argument can be made, but to convince me that significant progress is being made in American society a lot more will have to happen.  But congrats to Mr. Obama and all of his supporters.  I personally voted for Hillary (because by the time of the MA primary John Edwards had already dropped out), but honestly, I feel like anyone is better than what we've got going on now, and things can only get better.

I'm attaching one of my photos to this post.  I am

 not a photographer.  I'm a guy who likes to

 take pictures, and sometimes I get lucky.  This shot is one of my luckiest.  It is in the Public Garden in Boston.  A little dark, and not ideal composition, but the subject is essentially posing, which is tough with animals.  If you like it, great.  If not, so be it.  I have it framed on my wall and the overall reception that it has received has been pretty good.  Sorry its so small...I'm a blogging rookie...don't know how to fix that...

And all of my fears about Caitlin and what was going on with the phone call were completely unfounded.  She called me last night while I was at the baseball game.  She apologized for not calling sooner, and explained that she and her girlfriends had gone out the night before for drinks and to see Sex and the City.  We are, with any luck, hanging out this weekend.  The Girl That Was There For Me has cancelled her trip to the city, so things are working out pretty well at this point....It's not that I have anything against her...I just like Caitlin more.

Anyway, keep reading and commenting.  You guys are like my free therapy at this point (speaking of therapy, that is a WHOLE other post that I promise to write.)

Later

Pretty much couldn't live alone....

at least not in my current situation.

So my roommate is away on business, and I have the apartment to myself.  Normally I would be absolutely thrilled about this.  But for some reason I just have weird shit going through my head, and quite frankly I'm kind of lonely.  I've lived alone before.  I loved it.  It was fantastic.  But for some reason right now I'm just not happy.  All I can think about is the fact that I'm just alone.

On a side note, I called Caitlin, and she didn't answer.  I left a quick "Hi its Nick.  Give me a call when you get a second."  No call.  I think this may be contributing to my issue.  God I'm such a loser!  HA!  I'm going to bed.

When it Rains, it Pours

So, I'm apparently getting set up.  An old friend from high school heard I was single and apparently has "the perfect girl" for me.  She emailed me today and said that she had spoken with her friend and that she had said that it was ok for her to give me her number (as if I'm some kind of creepy stalker or something.)  So, I guess I have to call her right?  (My friend's exact words in the email were "Don't do the 'wait 3 days' thing, call her tomorrow.")  This presents a bit of a dilemma.  Two bits of a dilemma if you will.

First there is Caitlin.  I like her.  I may be interested in more than just a fling, but to what point am I responsible for not messing around while I'm still single?  I mean, I can't really be held accountable in the future for something that goes on now can I?  

Second is The Friend of the Friend from CT.  It looks as though she will be in Boston this weekend, and more than likely is pretty much a sure thing if I go for it.  Should I be expected not to at this point?  I personally don't feel like I'm accountable to anyone but myself at this point, but honestly it would be pretty much my worst nightmare if this somehow came back later to ruin something that could have been great.

I mean, aren't I living every guy's dream right now?  I have at least one girl who just wants to get laid, one girl who I am feeling like I'm into, and another that I know nothing about, but apparently is interested/desperate enough to give her phone number to someone she doesn't even know.  I guess you could say I'm being a "player" at this point, but honestly, I'm not really trying to do that, and it is really causing a moral dilemma for me.

Any advice would be appreciated.

On another note, I'm still on the fence about this blogger party.  I'm feeling like it is a game time decision.  Father's day, girls, parties, too much for me to plan so far ahead.  But please don't take it personally.  It isn't like that.  I'm sure it will be a great time, and quite frankly there is the very real possibility that I will attend.  I'm sorry for holding out.