Epiphany?

So on my car trips to and from Gloucester this weekend I had some time to myself to reflect and think.  I also got to hang out with some close friends I haven't seen in a while, which helped to give me a little perspective.  Probably didn't hurt that I got pretty stoned, pretty much all weekend...which always leaves me feeling more laid back and ambivalent about my personal situation and the world in general.

The realization that I've come to is that I really need to chill the hell out with regard to this and any other relationships that I have with girls.  I need to just deal with the fact that what I have now with E may be all it ever is.  I need to understand that if this is all that it is going to be I can still have fun and enjoy myself.  And if it somehow becomes more, it becomes more.  If it doesn't then it doesn't.

Of course last night I went out in Harvard Square with some friends, and texted and called E to let her know that I was back in Boston in case she wanted to hang out.  She didn't call.  Of course.  And my new approach to not giving a shit hasn't quite kicked in yet, so needless to say I'm not happy about it.  I need to shift my entire attitude toward E and probably let her know about it.  Which will be hard if she never answers her phone or calls me back.

This sucks.  Someday maybe I'll find an attractive intelligent girl who likes me and is somewhat emotionally available.  As yet, no luck in that department.  I'm not desperate....yet.  But if I keep striking out like i have been, I'm sure I will get that way.

Sorry for the short post, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this.  PrincessB you mentioned therapy for E.  I don't know if she is or has or doesn't get any at all, but clearly she needs it.  I'd like to ask her, but I'm not sure if I should.  Speaking of therapy, I've been considering going and speaking to someone myself.  This blog is my therapy, and as helpful as it is, it isn't real help.  I've got insurance, might as well use it.