The Random Entry O'Goodies

First off, addressing some comments.

Princess, you are amazing.  I love that you even read my blog, let alone all of the comments you always leave.  Thanks a bunch.  You're great for my bloggy ego.

Voiceinmyhead:  It's not a girl thing.  To me none of the laps were particularly important.  The race really wasn't at all why I was there.  It was about the experience.

Speaking of the race, I found this pic of the fight in the pits AFTER the race on ESPN.com.  Classic.

Also, in E news (not entertainment, the person) I called her Monday night and spent an hour or so on the phone talking about anything and everything.  It was refreshing, and has really put my mind at ease.  We're going out to dinner tonight for an early birthday thing for her as she will be in NYC all weekend with her friends celebrating.  I got her some books (Bluebeard by Kurt Vonnegut and The Life of Pi by Yan Martel if you must know), and a blank card that I am trying to think of something good to write in.  Now, generally books=lame present.  But there is thought behind this, as if I didn't see her book on the bar the night we met, I never would have spoken to her in the first place.  These are the things I think of when buying gifts.

In other news, my roommate brought home a girl Sunday night.  She was in the apartment for 5 minutes and didn't say anything really....turns out they spent the day at IKEA.  Nice work on the first date bud....real Don Juan of you.  All I've gotten from him on the subject is "Her family is loaded and she's kind of smart.  She's not bad to look at either."  He didn't sense my sarcasm when I responded "Well at least you have your priorities in the right place...."  If this girl can stand him for more than 5 dates then she's is losing big time points in my scorebook.

Now for some random links I've been building up for the last few weeks:

This story really surprised me.  Not because Megan Fox was all hot on a female stripper.  That to me is kind of par for the course in this day and age.  Mostly because she's engaged to Brian Austin Green.  Are you fucking kidding me Megan Fox?  David from 90210?  We'll see her in a tabloid for some Britney like behavior in the near future.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

Think drilling for oil off shore is the solution to our energy problems?  Well, you're wrong.  Does everyone get it now?  More oil isn't going to help.  What WILL work is if we don't need so much.

Maybe this explains my problems with women?  Maybe not.  Who knows.

I really have a local bias toward art and music, but wherever you're from you can definitely appreciate this video.  Amazing.

The best part of this video is that Colbert is shitting on him the whole time and he seems like he doesn't even get it.

Can we all tell that I hate Bill O'Reilley yet? Like, despise him more than anyone else on the planet? Well, I do. Ok Bill, let's call a war veteran unpatriotic. People will buy that. Oh wait! They do?! WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE???

Oh, right. They're the people who won't fund stem cell research....no matter what miracles they could perform.

I absolutely LOVE this guys photography. I'm not sure what it is. I love the richness of color in the the photos the have it, and the overall composition of nearly every one.

And on that note, I will bid adiue. Thanks again for reading and commenting. All the best.

Why everyone should go to at least 1 NASCAR race in their life.

Let us pick up where we left off shall we?

I'm awakened by my cousin standing next to my bed saying "Dude, wake up, we're gonna miss the race!"  This is the same cousin who was out drinking with me till 3 AM.  I shouldn't say drinking with me, because he abstained, but he knew how much I drank and thought it was pretty damn funny that he was waking me up at 7 AM.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me dude.  I'm still drunk.  At least let me get a shower.  Go get the grill out of the garage I'll be right out."

I shower, dress in the most hillbilly thing I have (jeans and a shirt that says "After partying all night, Chuck Norris doesn't throw up, Chuck throws down."  It was a gift, but I thought it appropriate given my current state of affairs.) and walk outside just as he's getting the grill into the bed of his truck.  He has a cooler full of meat and potato salad, I grabbed the 30 of Bud out of the trunk of the Audi and tossed it in.

"I need coffee" I say.

"We need ice."

"To the Mobil Mart!"  I shout with as much enthusiasm as I can muster.

We stop at the Mobil Mart where another cousin is working (this cousin's brother) and stock up on ice, water, iced coffee from the D&D thats in the store, and a 12 pack of Cokes. (Note: when there is a long day of drinking in your future a caffeinated beverage of some kind is absolutely essential to keep you going.)

We hit the road and I plug my iPod into the truck stereo.  If I'm sitting in a diesel pick-up for a 2 and a half hour ride into NH at 7AM on a Saturday I am sure as shit going to be playing DJ.  We shoot the shit on the way up about girls, life, family etc. and arrive at the track a little past 930.  Let's see if I can describe this for you.

Imagine the biggest parking lot you've ever seen.  Now take that parking lot and put another right behind it, except a little higher on a hill.  Do the same again...and again...and again.  Fill every odd parking lot with RV's, pop up campers and those crazy tour bus type things and you're getting what I saw when we first turned off the highway.  No put a road in the middle of all of these parking lots that goes up the hill, and when you get to the top imagine 10 of the biggest parking lots you've ever seen all as one GIANT parking lot with scores of teenagers in red vests with lights (yes, its morning, no need for lights) directing you where to park.  And we're just talking about the parking lot here.

We park, and my cousin goes to get tickets.  A guy pulls up on one side of us in a brand new 3 series BMW with his son in the passenger seat.  He is not going to be fun.  He's less hillbilly than I am, and I'm about the 10th or 11th least hillbilly person this side of NYC.  I look across the lane and see the people I'm looking for.  Four thirty something guys and their wives/girlfriends, a tent, GIANT grill, and flag poles waving their favorite drivers number 30 feet above their Ford F-150.  Those people will be getting rowdy.  This is what I'm looking for.

I hop into the bed of the truck, grab a Bud out of the cooler and light the grill.  "It looks like it's beer o'clock."  Shouts one of the guys at the F-150 as I crack the Bud.   Good stuff. (Note: I'm not sure if there's rules about this or not, but I figured bringing an American beer was a good idea.  I don't think anyone drives the Heinekin car in NASCAR, so despite my penchant for foreign beer I restrained myself.)  

I go through the meat and the cooler and find some marinated sirloin tips.  It's 945 AM and I'm drinking a Budweiser and grilling steak in the bed of a pick-up truck in the middle of the biggest parking lot I've ever seen in the morning sun.  This is why I'm here.  

I look to my left and see the stands and the front straight away and a few cars whizzing by on the track.  My cousin comes back with the tickets and says we gotta hurry so we can see the car that he used to work on in the early race.  I tell him once the steak is done and we eat, we can leave, but I need a base if I'm gonna be drinking all day.  Even if it is steak at 10AM.

We eat and I finish 4 or so beers at the truck.  I tell my cousin to stand on his roof and he'll be able to see the race, but he does one better.  Apparently there is a radio station that has what amounts to minor league car racing on it.  We heard that his friend won the race, and my first thought is "Yes, we get to party with the winners tonight!"  I tell my cousin to make sure we call him before we leave.  

We eat, finish up and I pack the travel cooler.  Now, a lot of people don't know this, but at a NASCAR race you can bring as much beer as you want into the race with you, as long as it is in a can, and your cooler isn't bigger than 14"x14"x14".  This spells trouble for me, but I load the cooler with about a dozen buds, six or so cokes, two bags of chips and ice.  We walk through the parking lot to the gate.

"Got a bit of everything in here huh?" Says the guy checking my cooler.

"Sure do."

We go inside and find seats on the front straight away.

My cousin asks me why I dressed up.  "What the fuck are you talking about?  I'm wearing jeans and a Chuck Norris t-shirt?"

I look around and notice that my cousin and I are among the minority that are actually still wearing shirts.  It was 1015 in the morning and I was surrounded by shirtless beer bellied hillbillies and their hillbilly wives.  Now, one would think that if you get fifty thousand people or so in a small enough area there would be a fair amount of attractive young ladies.  Well, you would be wrong.  Nothing.  I was dumbfounded.  But I guess you can understand why you girls wouldn't want to be surrounded by shirtless old hillbillies.

I drank all day.  Yelled at shit I had no idea what meant.  Watched a fight in the pits, watched a number of fiery crashes and saw all kinds of redneckery in the stands.  It was pretty great.  The sun was out and the races were entertaining.  

There were 3 races and we were inside the track for a long while.  But it didn't matter, because when I ran out of beer, I took the cooler, left, refilled it and came back into the race.  Unfortunately my cousin wasn't drinking so I didn't really have anyone to get rowdy with, but I can see this getting ugly if I go next year with a group of friends.

I guess the point in the end is, even if you don't like car racing, and I really am not a big fan, the experience of actually going to a race, being outside, tailgating and drinking your ass off is a lot of fun.  And in the meantime you get to see some nutty fuckers driving WAY to fast around in a circle with 40 of their closest friends driving WAY too fast on the same small circle, crashing pretty frequently and making a shit load of noise.  Plus, hillbilly watching is one of my favorite past times.  I will be attending again next year.  Hopefully with my friends from the city.  It could be amazing, it could be ugly.  Either way it will be fun.  I'm looking forward to it.

Freaking Friday

Ok, so this is gonna be a two part blog about the weekend because quite frankly, I think it deserves it.  

Before we get to Friday, let's talk about Thursday shall we?

So I had plans with E to have dinner after our little thing earlier in the week so I made a reservation at Fugaku in Brookline.  She called at 730 saying she was going to be a little late getting out of work, which was fine because our reservation wasn't until 9 anyway.  Around 830 I send her a text that says "Are we going to make a 9 o'clock reservation?"

She calls:  "Hi, work sucks.  I'm literally just getting out.  I'm in a bad mood and kind of tired do you mind if we go out some other time?"

"Umm, yeah actually I do.  I blew off other people and have been sitting here waiting for you all night and now you're going to tell me you don't want to go out at 845?  Thats pretty lame."

"I'm so sorry.  I'm just really stressed and in a bad mood.  I don't want to make you deal with that."

"I'm coming to pick you up, and I'll bring you home if you want, but I need to talk to you."

I drive to her work and pick her up.  She starts explaining how shitty her day has been and how she's sorry about the bad mood she's in and a whole bunch of other stuff and I stop her.

"Look, if this is really about work, fine.  But if this is about something else I'd really appreciate it if you'd tell me."

"Well, it's 75% about work.  The rest...I feel like I need some space."

(Immediate thought:  I KNOW THAT!  YOU TOLD ME!)

"Ok, I understand that, and that's fine.  I honestly have no problem with that, and I've told you that.  Have you noticed that I ask you to tell me when you want to hang out with me and don't pressure you?  What I DO have a problem with is you making plans with me and then flaking out at the last minute.  If you don't feel like you want to see me, fine.  I have no problem with that.  But really sucks when blow off my friends and wait for you and then you call me and tell me you don't wanna hang out."

"Really?  Are you sure that's ok?"

Oy.  Is she not listening to anything I'm saying?

"Listen, I'm the last person who needs to be rushing into a relationship believe me.  And if you don't feel like you want to hang out with me, don't.  You don't owe me anything.  Do what makes you happy.  The only thing I'm going to ask you to do is not flake out on me.  If you do that to me all the time I really can't deal with it, and I don't want that to happen because I like you.  You figure out when you want to see me and let me know and we'll see what we can work out."

"Oh.  Ok.  I didn't know that was ok."

"Ok well, it is.  So just relax, make yourself happy, and if I get to see you every once in a while along the way great.  If not, that sucks, but what can I do."

After that she seemed to relax and realize there was no pressure on her and really not much in the way of expectations.  We chatted a bit as I drove and she got a laugh out of some of the things I was saying to try to make her feel better about her crappy day.  So I start driving back toward Brighton to drop her off, park and presumably find some take out for dinner.  She realizes this and says "Oh, we can go out if you want."

"What I want doesn't matter.  If you want to go home I'm bringing you home."

"No no.  I'm better now.  You make me smile.  We can go out.  I'm sorry."

"Ok well, we missed our reservation, but we can go see if they can put us in a table."

We end up sitting at the sushi bar and having dinner with a few sakis.  We again have a good time and good conversation.  We walk to the car and drive back to Brighton.  I get to her front door and slow to stop and let her out.

"I don't HAVE to go home."

"Ok, do you want to come to my place?"

"Sure."

So we end up in my apartment.  My roommate is up when we get home so we sit and chat.  She is sociable, which is a good sign, and quite frankly pretty important to me even though I really don't like my roommate all that much.  The ability to be sociable to the people in my life can not be over valued as far as I'm concerned.

My roommate goes to bed, we have a few more beers and I say "Ok, i really need to sleep.  Are you staying?"

"Yes."

Thursday there were no concerns about whether or not I was trying to get lucky.  She left with me the next morning, with a smile on her face saying "I think I'm getting used to this.  I just need us to take it slow."

"I know.  We can go as slow as you want.  I'll be gone all weekend, do you want me to call you when I get back to Brighton, or do you want me to hold of until you call me."

"No, definitely call me when you get back."  Then she kissed me, I walked to my car, her to her apartment.

On my way up to the North Shore Friday after work the stupid Audi starts to stutter on the highway.  I know exactly what's wrong because I really should have replaced this part a while ago, but the damn transmission cost so much that I just put it off.  I pull off of route 1 and call AAA.  "Where are you?"  They ask.  

"I don't know, I'm in a parking lot just off of route 1"

"Ok, what's the name of the business?  I can look up the address."

"(So and So's) Liquors in Lynnfield."

"Ok, well, a tow truck will be there within two hours."

Joy.  Two hours.  But wait, I'm in the parking lot of a liquor store, and I'm damn sure I'm not driving anywhere.  My day is looking up.  I buy a 30 pack for saturday and a 12 pack to tied me over while I wait for the tow truck.  I sit and wait in my drivers seat drinking and reading for a little under an hour when the truck shows up.  I get a ride home and make small talk, call my brother tell him what's broken.  He tells me he can fix it that night, I tell him not to bother, I'm going to be way to drunk to drive soon anyway.

My cousin calls me to see if I'm in town, I tell him that despite my travails I have indeed made it into town and have already begun my own personal party at my parents house.  He tells me that his cousin (not related to me) is in town from Ohio, that she's 23, attractive and that he's promised to show her a good time.  "My aunt and grandmother have been talking you up so you have to be charming."

Ok, well, apparently charming I can do, but even though I know it isn't technically weird, I feel weird about trying to sleep with the cousin of my cousin.  At any rate, I arrange dinner with my brother, his new girlfriend, my cousin, his wife, my other cousin and his cousin from Ohio.  At this point I want nothing more than about 6 mai tais so I suggest we get chinese and my cousin comes to pick me up at my parents house and we meet everyone at the restaurant. (Side Note: The cousin isn't bad.  I wouldn't call her hot, but she is definitely a 1.  OH!  I haven't explained binary girl coding yet.  My friends and I got sick of the disputes that always arise from rating women on a 1 to 10 scale.  Someone always thinks a girl is an 8 and someone else invariably thinks they're actually a 4.  This leads to issues, so we developed binary.  Either you would, or you wouldn't.  1 or 0.  It has simplified all of our lives)

We eat, and I finish up said mai tais.  I believe it was only 5, but who knows.  We head to the bar and stop off at the boat for a few cocktails before going.  I finish 2 scotches and then we hit the bar.  I'm drunk by this point and the cousin decides she wants to dance and needs someone on the dance floor with her.  Well I just happen to be drunk enough to oblige.  I was into it at this point, because she was lookin MUCH better 5 mai tais, 2 scotches and a few beers deep, but I was still not even considering sleeping with her.

My cousin drove us home (he was sober) and the cousin was not discrete about her desire to sleep at my place instead of his.  2 problems.  1, despite my massive alcohol intake and the foray into redneckedness in my near future, I'm still a little freaked out about the fact that she's the cousin of a cousin, and 2, I'd be bringing her home to my parents house.  I haven't done that while my parents were home since high school, soooo not gonna happen.  I passed out as soon as I hit my pillow, and the next memory I have is the next part of the weekend.  To be continued.

Flakeage

Remember the little meet up E and I were going to have on Tuesday night?  Well, let's just say it was...umm...interesting.

She told me the night before that she'd be calling me after she met up with her friend for drinks downtown.  Probably around 9-ish.  Ok, thats cool.  Maybe we'll hang out, watch a movie.  Something to that effect.  So Tuesday night I clear my schedule of everything except for her.  I sit on my couch and watch the Red Sox game, which is perfect, because I love baseball and it's been a while since I've had a night to just sit down, have a beer and some food and watch the Sox.

9 comes and goes with no phone call.  If you've read anything I've written in the past few months you know what this does to my head.  It sends it spiraling off into pessimistic "oh shitsville" and I become completely neurotic.  I tell myself to relax.  She's with a friend, it's taking longer than she thought but she will call.

10 comes and goes with no call, and the baseball game is all but over.  Dejected, I walk into my room, throw on some gym shorts and lay in bed.  I'm having flashbacks to C all over again.  "I like you I really do."  Then no call when it's supposed to come.  I figure fuck it.  I'm gonna at least hold her accountable.  Assuming she decides she wants to respond.

I text "Have I lost you for the evening?"

She replies "Still at pool league." (she is in a pool league.  She doesn't play, she apparently sits around keeping score.  Whatever, either way it's irrelevant to me.)

I reply: "Sooo should I still be expecting a call from you tonight because if not I'm going to bed."

Her reply: "Well I'm probably leaving soon."

Finally I can't take the texting anymore and I just call her:

Me "Hey what's up?  What happened?"

E "I'm still at pool league.  It's running late."

Me "Ok, but remember you were supposed to call after you had drinks with your friend and we were gonna hang out?"

E "Oh my god I totally forgot!  I'm SO sorry!!"

Me "Listen, I don't care if you have pool league.  I don't care if you hang out with your friends every day of the week, but you made plans with me.  If you forgot fine, but all I really needed was a phone call.  I've been sitting on my couch waiting for you to call me since 9 o'clock."

E "I'll be done in 15 minutes.  Can I stop by after?"

Me "Well, sure I guess.  But hurry because I'm literally laying in bed about to pass out."

E "Ok.  I'll hurry."

So she calls from my front door and I buzz her up.  She apologizes and informs me that she's really not good at calling people.  In another situation I probably would have been accommodating and and just said "Oh it's cool.  Just try to make sure you call me next time.  Or remember pool league before you make plans with me."

In yet ANOTHER situation I would have been assertive and said "That's really flakey and quite frankly pretty lame.  How could you have forgotten plans you made less than 24 hours before?"

Instead I was just completely honest and told her how I felt: "Listen, I have no problem with you not hanging out with me.  It's cool.  I understand and I wouldn't even think of asking you to change anything about you or what you do for me.  With that being said, when you make a plan with me, and then don't call me, all I think is that you've stood me up.  And that is a really shitty feeling to have."

E "You really thought I stood you up?"

Me "Well what the hell else am I supposed to think?  You made a plan and you were supposed to call me and you didn't until I called you.  I don't really have a whole lot of prior experience with you personally to go on, but what experience I have with other people would lead me to believe that I'd been stood up."

No, I'm going to sound like an apologist right now, but this is 100% true.  By that night E had been to my apartment 4 times.  The first time completely shitfaced, the others not as much.  Either way, this very night she had to ask me where my bathroom was because she didn't think she'd ever used it.  Lets just say she has, and I don't live in a mansion, so there aren't exactly a whole lot of doors to choose from.  Now, either she's a sly clever girl, far beyond the credit I'm giving her, or her short term memory isn't great.  So I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt.

I told her not to worry about it, but that in the future I would really appreciate a phone call in situations like that.  She apologized again and we laid on my couch.  She said she'd have to leave soon.  I was caught a little off guard because she told me she didn't have work until late in the day Wednesday so it shouldn't have been a problem for her to stay over.

I said I thought she should stay.  She said she really didn't think she should.  I finally read someone right and said:

"Listen, I'm not asking you to stay because I'm trying to get lucky.  You say you hardly know me and I see you twice a week for 5 minutes at midnight.  It's kind of hard to get to know someone like that no?  You sleeping with me doesn't mean we have to have sex."

"Oh.  Well.  In that case I guess I can stay here."

She stayed and left with me in the morning.  We made plans that night to have dinner tonight.  Let's hope she doesn't flake out again, because she's got about 1 more chance with that shit before I just quit.

In other news, I guess facebook isn't THAT horrible.  Or is it.  Erin said she facebook stalked me, so I found her and sent her a friend request.  2 days later she accepted, but had ZERO info up.  Now, she either never had any info, or erased it before she accepted my request.  Either is possible, and I'm sure you can guess which way I'm leaning.  That's just the way I am.  I wish I wasn't.

In still OTHER news I sent a friend request to The Boss because she popped up in the "people you may know" tab.  She accepted and I saw that she was engaged to (let's call him) Timmy.  "Hmmm..." I think, "The guy she broke up with to sleep with me for a few months was named Timmy."  After further investigation (looking at her pictures) I ascertain that it is in fact the very same Timmy!  She is marrying the guy that she cheated on with me and broke up with!!!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

This has sent my head spinning.  I'm just....I don't know.  I want so badly to call her out on it, but I know it is completely inappropriate and would be a horrible idea.  But I just sit and think of all of the shit that she told me about how he was cold and unloving and this and that (not to mention enough of  a douche that she cheated on him with me) and now she's gonna marry the guy?!

I don't know what to do.  Suggestions are welcomed.

"I have to talk to you...."

I called E last night.  I told her I was headed to Somerville to my friend's place to have dinner and do my laundry. (Back story: My father is a builder.  He had an extra brand new washer, and my friend had a dryer with only washer hook ups.  My father gave him the washer, there for I have inalienable rights to go over and do free laundry whenever I want.)  Needless to say this isn't exciting, but the point I really had was to try to see her later on in the night when I got back.  She says she's planning on meeting up with a friend because she left her camera at his house last weekend so she can't come, but that I should call her when I get back to Brighton.

So I go to my friend's house.  (Tangent:  I've realized that I always say "my friend" or "My friend's girlfriend" all the time and never give them names.  That ends today.  Needless to say, the names have been changed to protect the pseudo-innocent.)  Let's call him Ham.  Ham lives with his girlfriend, let's call her....Cheese.  HA!  Clever, I know.

So I have dinner with Ham and Cheese and do my laundry.  2 loads, whites and darks.  (Side Note:  I'm a bleach man.  I know.  I know.  It's not good for your clothes or whatever, but your whites never get really blindingly white if you don't use it, and frankly nothing drives me crazier than dingy ass white tee shirts or socks, and it is worth it to me for them to lose a little of their life to look that way.  I guess that is one of my little OCD's.)  We watch the baseball and football games while I'm waiting for my clothes and get a little stoned.

My clothes are done.  I fold the important ones (read: the ones I will have to wear outside of other clothes and am trying like hell to iron as little as possible) and toss the rest in the bottom of my basket.  I thank them for their hospitality and head home.  Drop my clothes off and go on the hunt for a parking spot.  Now, normally Brighton isn't THAT bad to park in.  I mean, I used to have to try to find parking down by Fenway Park and Northeastern all the time, so this is comparatively not that bad.  Last night was the exception.  I was driving around for about 20 minutes when I finally called E.  She was clearly in a bar.

"Hello?"

"Hey it's me.  What are you up to?"

"Oh, I'm at Harry's with my friend Oliver.  We're just finishing up trivia and then I was gonna call you."  (Harry's is literally right across the street from my house)

"Ok well, I've been driving around looking for a parking spot for 20 minutes, so I should be home in about 20 more, so no rush.  Give me a call when you're done."

So, I drive around for about 15 more minutes and finally say fuck it and park in the valet spot at Zocalo.  I go in to make sure they're done valeting.

"Excuse me, are you guys done valeting cars for the night?" I say to the cute blonde bartender.

"Ummm, I don't really know.  We might not be."

"Oh, ok.  Well where is your valet, I'll ask him."

"Oh, he went home."  This is rude, but I'm typing it anyway: Get used to being behind a bar sweetheart.  I'm sorry but Jesus Christ, how do you not know if you're done valeting if you don't have a fucking valet anymore?!  Despite how dumbfounded I was, I was not a jerk to her.

"Ah, so I'll be fine.  Thanks, have a good night."

I head home to sort out my laundry basket.  No sooner am I done hanging, folding  the rest of my clothes, and putting them away than E calls.

"Hey I'm on my way over to your front door right now."

"Ok, buzz me and I'll let you up."

She comes up, we hop on the couch and have some small talk for a bit.  She says she wants to have a smoke and stands up to go to my deck.

"I'll join you."

"Good, I kind of need to talk to you anyway."

FUCK!!!!  ALERT ALERT!!! YOU'RE FUCKED!!!!!

Needless to say, I'm waiting for the shoe to drop, but I try to make light and not show that I'm nervous, "You're not gonna get all heavy on me are ya?"

"Maybe a little bit."

Aye.  This looks bad.  Very bad.

We sit down, and I ask for a cigarette.  I was a blindfold away from the perfect outfit for my coming execution.

"Ok." she starts, "I've been thinking about this, and this is really hard, but I'm going to say it anyway."  NOT GOOD.

"I really like you." Nothing good ever starts this way. "And I really have a lot of fun with you."

"But..." I say.

"But...."  Here is where the shoe drops.  Here is where she walks out of my life.  But at least she'd be one of the few that had the courtesy to say it to my face right??

"But I really need to take this slow."

The relief I felt at that moment is nearly incomparable.  It's like the moment right after your doctor tells you that you don't have any STD's.

"I really like you, and I want to spend time with you, but I just can't rush into a relationship.  I don't want to get into a relationship just because I want to be in one, or just because I think I want to be with you."

Ok, well the first part I totally understand.  Makes perfect sense.  The second part is a little more ambiguous to me personally, but whatever, I didn't think anymore about it.

"Are you mad?"

"Am I mad?  Are you kidding of course not.  This is the exact same thing that I SHOULD be saying to you, but I don't have the self discipline, or quite frankly the guts.  I have no problem with this.  We can take this as slow as you want to."

"Oh thank god I thought you would be like 'bye.'  I just feel like we don't even really know each other. I'm so happy you're not upset."

"No no, this is absolutely fine.  I'm sorry if it felt like I was pushing you for some kind of relationship.  I was inviting you to hang with my friends all the time because of what you said to me the other night.  I'm absolutely fine with this going slowly.  Were you really worried that I'd be mad?"

"I was.  I really was.  I had no idea what to expect."

"Oh god, I'm sorry!  No no, this is good.  This is great.  You have nothing to worry about ok?  Everything is fine.  I don't want to be the reason that you stress about things because that sucks, but I'm really happy that you could come to me and talk about this.  I really appreciate it."

So, disaster averted I guess?  I tried to make her understand that I really actually did appreciate her candor.  You don't get that very often.  (Side Tangent:  I was telling my friend Ham about this today on G-chat as I sat around my office with shit to do.  Now, Ham used to be one of those semi crazy, definitely hilarious college buddies who has since settled down because he's got this serious girlfriend that he lives with.  He's still down for a good time here and there, and when his girlfriend is not around, but he's definitely good for a gem or two a week.  When I was telling him about E's and my little conversation this is what I got:  "She's just pullin back a little bit.  She needs to justify the fact that she let you get your filthy paws on her holiest of holy's after the first date.  Don't worry about it man, everything will work out.")

We sat on the couch and she said she had to head home soon because she had an early morning.  I tested the waters.

"You don't HAVE to go home."

"No, I do.  I have to be to work by 730, and I'd have to get up, go home, shower, iron blah blah.  But Wednesday I don't have to work till noon, so I can stay over then?"

I guess I just found out what "taking it slow" is?  Aye.  I don't know.

So anyway, she's meeting a friend downtown after work for some drinks and then she's gonna call me.  There is definitely a much better vibe coming off of her than the last few girls I've seen.

Random other story:  She says she's dying her hair blonde.  She has this beautiful naturally dirty blonde wavy hair that I absolutely love, and she's going to go completely blonde.  If this were six months from now, I'd say something like "Oh but it's so beautiful now. You really don't need to dye it."  But that's over the line.  I just hope she doesn't end up looking like Brooke Hogan.  Thats just too much.....but I digress.

Thanks for reading and posting.

Till next time.

The rest of the weekend...

I'm beginning to realize that my friends and I are pretty lame.  We really don't party like we used to/should.  For instance, Friday night I went to my friend and his GF's apartment in Somerville with my other friend and his wife (yup, I'm the fifth wheel, as usual) and cooked out and watched a baseball game.

I told E about this when I saw her on the street, but didn't invite her because I figured it was too soon to subject her to the middle-aged behavior that has become the norm for myself and some of my friends at times.  She texted me around 1115 and asked if I was having a good time in Somerville.

(Random side tangent: There was the remote possibility the L would be in town this weekend, which complicated things.  Again, I guess I'm not at the point where I owe anything to anyone, but at the same time I have this conscience that won't let me get away with crap like that without at least making me think about it.  In the end L didn't end up coming, so it really made no difference and I didn't have to lie to anyone, which honestly was quite a weight off of my shoulders.)

I responded to E's text "It's pretty good, but I'll probably be home soon.  Will you be around?"

"Yup, I will be home in 15."

So I left with my friend and his wife (they were driving, so I could drink) and got back home.  I called E and she answered and she agreed to come to my house after she picked up a slice of pizza.  I met her at my front door and she came up.  She ate and we had a beer or two and got to talking.

me:  what did you do tonight?

e: well, I was supposed to go this bbq with my friend oliver, but one got cancelled, and by the time we got to the other all the food was gone.

me: oh, that really sux.  

e: no not really, I didn't really want to go to either one.

me:  you should have told me you were doing crap you didn't want to do tonight, you totally could have come and hung out with my lame friends and me.

e:  oh no, you didn't invite me because you didn't want me to meet your friends.

Now, this is an interesting statement.  It could be legitimately defensive, or it could be a test to see how I respond.  Either way I responded with honesty.

me:  That is not true at all!  I just didn't want to scare you away by inviting you to girlfriend things like that so soon!  Are you kidding?  I was the fifth wheel all night!

e:  Is that true?

me:  Of course it's true.  I'd love you to meet my friends.

So we got to talking more.  She said "I have a lot of guy friends, and that's been a problem for some of the guys I've dated."

Honestly, not a problem for me unless she and her guy friends are all grab assy and physical in a way that is inappropriate.

"I did the jealous boyfriend act when I was 17.  I'm over it, you don't have to worry about it."

We got into a semi deep conversation about relationships and what had happened to her and myself in the past, and in the end it came down to this

Me: "Look, I really can't promise you much.  What I can promise you is that I would never cheat on you, and that I will always be honest with you."

E:  "I can promise you the same."

I've heard this before.  L2 promised that she would let me know if she wasn't interested.  Needless to say she didn't.  So I guess we'll see how that goes.

She stayed the night.  She had to wake up early the next morning for work, I kissed her at the door and told her I'd see her soon.

Saturday night I was going to meet some friends in Harvard Square, so I called her and left a message on her voicemail.  She called back.

"I'm going to meet some friends in Harvard Square, if you want to come that would be awesome."

"I'm sorry but I'm really beat.  I was planning on an early night in with a bottle of wine and a movie. (a veiled invitation to join her? you decide)  But you go and have fun."

I went and got SOAKED!!!!!!  Perhaps that had something to do with why she was staying in a.k.a. she's clearly more intelligent than me when planning for the weather.

Now, normally my neurotic mind would read into this that she was avoiding me, or whatever else, and to be honest, those are thoughts that I've had.  They're not consuming me, but they're there.  I'm guessing the reason that this isn't a bigger deal to me is the sex.  I mean, she's slept with me twice, which could mean one of two things: A: she actually likes me or B: she really needed to get laid, and I was good enough the first time to get a second chance.

Now, B is definitely possible, but based on all of the things she's said about how she really likes me and how that's what she tells her friends, I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume A is the reason.  Again, WTF do I know.  I think we all know how good I am at reading people.

At any rate.  I'm heading over to my friends place tonight to do laundry.  Long story.  I didn't call E yesterday cuz Sunday is guy day when the guys come over and we eat like pigs, drink beer and watch football for 12 hours.  Sorry, it's sacred.  Call it church for heathens.  I'm planning on calling her tonight to see what she's up to.

I hope she answers, and I hope I see her.  But again, who knows.

If anyone else can read anything into what you've seen laid out here, please do, as I clearly haven't a clue.

Thanks for reading.

(Side note: I just started reading "I Hope They Server Beer in Hell by Tucker Max (Thank you yourgirlfriendisugly).  Honestly, hysterical, but man what an asshole that guy is!  If you want a good laugh (and you're a guy, because I'm sure the vast majority of women in this world would be more than offended) pick it up.  Definitely the kind of guy I absolutely despise, (I call them hambones) but some if the stories are too funny to not talk about.)

"OMG I'm marrying you!"

So, here's a quick recap of the date last night....

I had a missed call from E at 6 yesterday.  Needless to say my neurotic brain thought the worst.  I called back, no answer.  Texted, and got a call back about 10 minutes later.  Turns out her phone died and she had a bunch of voicemails and rather than going through them all decided she'd call me to see if it was me.

I met her at her door at 7 and we hopped in a cab to kenmore square to have dinner at Eastern Standard.  (Random Side Note: I've kind of realized that she sort of looks like the girl from Heroes.  Hayden Panattiere. (Thank you google.)  I've never watched that show, but you can't get away from gossip mags these days.)  At first she didn't seem as thrilled as I'd would have liked to be there.  I asked her if she liked oysters, which she said she loved so we got a bunch.  Had wine, and then dinner.  All the while talking.  I guess I was making progress, as she seemed like

 she loosened up a bit.

We talked about all the normal first date stuff.  Family, friends, all of that fun stuff.  She was really actually fun to talk to once she settled in.  She got up to have a smoke (which I have to say I'm not WILD about, but definitely not a deal breaker) and I joked "No running away!"

"Of course I'm not gonna run away.  I'm really having fun talking to you."

I was caught off guard, because I was having a great time too, but you normally don't get that kind of blunt honesty.

"Are you not having fun?"  She asked.

"Oh, no.  Of course I am.  I'm having a great time.  Hurry back ok?"

She smiled and left to smoke.  The waitress came with the dessert menu.  When E came back I asked if she wanted dessert and she said she wasn't really in the mood, so I suggested a dessert drink.

"What do you have in mind?" she asked.

"I was thinking scotch, but take a look, they have port and..."

"Oh no, scotch is perfect!"

Wow.  Don't see that every day.

So I ordered a couple of glasses of scotch and we sat and drank.  I got the bill, paid and said "Shall we?"

She said, "Do you maybe wanna go grab a drink somewhere else?"

"Of course!"

We walked up to Match on Mass Ave.  Walked through the front door and it was packed.  She suggested we go somewhere that we could hear each other talk.  I suggested the Otherside Cafe on Newbury.

"Oh my god I love that place!  Let's go!"

We went, sat down got some beers and talked.  Politics came up.  She came with the "Are you a liberal?"  "Nope."

"Oh, if you're a conservative we can't hang out anymore."

"I'm not a conservative either.  I don't agree with either of them 100%, and agree with both on some things."

She asked me all of the controversial questions about abortion, gun control etc.  Apparently my answers were good enough because she said "Oh my god I'm going to marry you.  I can't believe I met someone who actually has intelligent reasons for their political stances!"  She leaned over and kissed me right then.

(Side Rant:  Let's talk economics for a second.  Hey republicans, ya know how you wanna make tax cuts for rich people permanent?  Well, you understand that the economy is going in the shitter right?  Remember "stimulus checks?"  Remember how it helped the economy?  Well, if you STOP giving money to rich people, and start giving it to the poor and middle class THEY'LL GET A STIMULUS CHECK EVERY YEAR!!! HELLO!!!!  If you give a 30k tax cut to a guy with $5 mill in income a year it isn't going to make ANY difference on how he spends his money.  If you give a $1500 tax cut to 20 middle class and poor people they will spend it on groceries, clothes and gasoline, hence stimulating the economy.  It isn't rocket science.  Am I missing something here?)

Anyway, we left the Otherside and hopped in a cab home.  She asked if I wanted her to come over.  Of course we were a little drunk at the time, and i obviously wanted her to come over.  In the cab she crawls on my lap for some sloppy make outs.  The cab driver told her she needed to sit down...too bad.

So we get to my place, go on the roof deck for a smoke and talk for a bit.  She asks, "Are you going to call me tomorrow?"

"Are you kidding?  Of course I am.  Now that I know you want me to I will definitely be calling you tomorrow."

We go downstairs and end up in my room.  I sit on my bed, she sits on my lap, and...ummm....she left with me and waited with me for the subway this morning.  She says "Ugh, I hope you don't think I'm a slut.  I really like you but I feel like we shouldn't have done that last night."

"I can assure you I don't think any less of you because of what happened last night.  When can I see you again?"

I ran into her on my way into the apartment coming home from work.  She asked what I was up to, I told her I'm on my way to Somerville to hang out with some friends for a bbq.  She told me to call her when I get back to Brighton, so there we are.

She seems like a pretty cool girl.  Isn't offended by bad language or lame jokes and seems genuinely interested in me.  She has some baggage, as do I, but where am I going to find anyone without at least a little bit of baggage at my age.

Oh, and here's a shocker: she's eastern European.  Half Polish, half Greek.  Aye.  It's like a disease with me.

Anyway, until next time.  Thanks for reading.

Every Intern's Dream...

So, I kind of promised a story, which seems to have gotten some interest (princessB cough) so I guess here it goes.  It's a good one, though rather long.

My 4th year of college I worked for an engineering company based in Cambridge as a co-op.  So for 6 months I worked here, pretty closely with this girl we'll call the boss (though she was only 3 years old than me.)  From the first day there I thought she was beautiful.  About 5'5, blonde, beautiful blue eyes and a great figure.  At the time I was not single.  I was with the girlfriend that I lived with (2 exes ago who still can't talk to me even though we were in the same wedding.)  She had a boyfriend too, not that anything would have happened.

So we worked together without incident, though I have to say there was more than a tiny amount of unspoken tension when we'd go out for post work drinks.  When my co-op ended I wend back to school.  During this semester I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 plus years.  I got my next co-op job with a company that worked rather closely with the one in Cambridge on a number of projects so I got to see the boss every once in a while in a professional setting.

One Friday she asks me to come to central square to join her and my former co-workers for drinks.  I say what the hell, I've got nothing else really going on and go join them.  We hang, have drinks, shoot the shit for a while, and after everyone leaves it ends up being just her and I.  She says "I'm going to Kenmore square to meet up with some friends if you want to come."  At the time I lived a block from Fenway Park, and would have been going home alone to the apartment my ex and I had formerly shared, so I said sure, what the hell.  We met up with her friends, 7 girls and 1 scottish guy, and hung out and drank.  I shot the shit with the scottish guy (random side note:  I wish I had a scottish accent.  Honestly, if I had a choice of accents, that would be it.)  Throughout the time we're hanging at the bar, I'm sitting on a stool, and the boss is standing by the bar table we're at.  She gets closer and closer.  At one point she's between my legs, and I'm thinking "no way."  Ten minutes later she's on my lap.

Mind you, she still had a boyfriend at this time, so I had zero thoughts of anything happening between us.  At the end of the night she gets into a cab back to the north end where her apartment was, and I walk home to pass out.  Half way home I get a text from her that says "It's a good thing you're not in the north end right now."  I reply "why is that?"  Her response "Because I could get into a lot of trouble."

Now, I'm not proud of what happened next.  In fact I kind of despised myself for it for quite some time.  I responded "Well, I could be in the north end if you wanted me to."  Again, I hate the guy that sleeps with another guy's girlfriend.  In fact, I still really don't like that I did that at all.  But I will try to justify it with the fact that we were both shitfaced.

At any rate, she says "Yes.  Come to the north end."

I hopped in a cab on Lansdowne street and met her at her apartment.

We didn't have sex that night.  We laid in her bed talking.  Kissing.  A little heavy petting I guess you would call it, but she was pretty adamant about no actual sex going on, which I was fine with.  She fell asleep in my arms as I ran my hands through her hair and thought about how random the situation I was in was.

The next morning she woke up and said "I thought for sure I was going to wake up this morning and regret this, but I don't at all.  That's why I didn't want to have sex with you."

I said "Honestly, I do kind of regret it.  You have a boyfriend, what the hell are we doing?"

"No," she said, "We're through.  I just needed a reason, and now I've got you."

"I can't be your reason for this ending.  I would never forgive myself."

"Don't worry.  It's not only you.  This has needed to happen for a long time."  And she kissed me, and we made love for 2 hours that morning.  Honestly, some of the most amazing sex I ever had.

After that we had an interesting relationship.  It basically consisted of us going out with our respective friends and meeting up at the end of the night for amazing sex.  This went on for about 6 months.  The semi odd part of it was that she wanted me to keep the situation relatively quiet, as I was still an intern with another company, and we worked together professionally.  I had no problem with that.  Hell, I was 22, sleeping with a stunning 25 year old, and still had all the freedom in the world to do whatever I wanted.

After a little over 6 months of this she sent me the email "I don't think we can do this anymore.  I think you're great, but the whole hooking up at night thing just isn't working for me.  It has been great while it's lasted."

I will be completely honest, I was a bit crushed.  It was hard for me, because I guess I knew what we had, but I always wanted it to turn into more.

A few months later she called and asked if I wanted to hang out.  By this time I had started dating my most recent ex.  We weren't really serious yet, but I thought she was talking about the same type of relationship we'd had before and I didn't want to give up something that could be more than that.

Well, apparently I was wrong.  About a year into dating my most recent ex I get an email from her, semi out of the blue, though we talk from time to time.  She asked what was new, I told her about my new long term thing.  She said she had found herself in a long term thing (with the guy she's now engaged to) as well.  Then she wrote "I kind of always regretted that there was never more between us.  I really wanted to date you and see where it went."

?!!?!?!?!?!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Talk about your all time miscommunications!!!!!!  Jesus Christ!  If I knew this girl wanted a relationship I would have dropped my most recent ex like a bad habit!!!!

And now here we are, 2 or so years later, and she's engaged, and I'm playing the singles game.....

I try hard not to think about what could have been, but it's tough.  I want to be truly happy for her now that she's found the person she's gonna marry, but again, it's tough.

So there's the story.  Shakespearean almost isn't it?  I guess all I can do is feel lucky for what I had when I had it, and try to move on.

Hope it didn't disappoint.

BTW, E and I are going out in about an hour.  Dinner in Kenmore Sq, and then who knows.  I'm 100% improvising after that.

Wish me luck.

Till next time, thanks for reading, and thanks for commenting.

Black Hole?!

So I'm blogging at work again. Why you may ask? Well because my office is empty and I'm the only one here....and there is a story to that.

So a professional organization in Boston, which I don't belong to, because quite frankly I hang out with engineers all day, I don't need to hang out with them after work to, gets tickets for a Red Sox game every year that they sell at a profit to fund their procedings for the year. My company bought tickets this year. I bought them last year, but wasn't on the ball enough to ensure that I bought a few for myself this year.

My company bought four tickets. One for my boss, one for another older guy I work with, one for the kid who is a member of the organization, and one for another guy I work with, we'll call him Fredo. So my boss is in NYC for business today, and therefore couldn't take the ticket. He told Fredo this, but didn't tell anyone else, assuming Fredo would offer said ticket to me and I'd go to the game. Well, Fredo didn't offer me the ticket. Instead he offered it to some random bartender who he met that gave him a few free drinks.

Can you believe this shit? So, some random chick gets a ticket that MY company paid for, my entire office empties out, and I'm left here on a beautiful day while they attend the Red Sox game. Fredo has a RUDE awakening coming the next time I see him, because quite frankly this is bullshit. I'm not sure if my boss knows about what went down or not, but I'm sure he'd frown upon fredo giving a company purchased ticket to some random bartender. I'm not going to tell him, but Fredo is going to hear about this.

To add insult to injury, when I bought tickets last year, I gave one to Fredo. We went to the game, and he spilled beer all over me. I have to be honest, Fredo is really wearing on me. He's moody, whiney and one of those guys who can dish out shit but can't take it without turning into a little crybaby.

So here I am. I am angry, but I would be much angrier if I hadn't attended the game last night. It was a whooping. And a good time. I'm deliberating on how long I really need to stay in the office today as we speak.

In other news, I still haven't figured out what to do with E tomorrow. I'm gonna call her tonight to make sure we're still on (YIKES!) and hopefully think of something fun to do between now and then. Again, suggestions are welcome.

In still OTHER news, the girl that I hooked up with that was friends with the girl from the boat this weekend (see below) sent me an email today. Presumably random because it said "I was thinking of you because J was up in Gloucester for the race." No mention of her engagement though....which is interesting. The story with her is, again, for another post. Maybe later tonight. It's a good one. Fun, tragic...and a bit steamy. Your interesting is piqued, you know it ;)

Thanks for reading.

Parade of Sail

We finally won!  The boat that I once worked on, and now crew on for the Mayor's Cup race in Gloucester finally won after 12 years of trying!!!!

It was an absolutely amazing day on the water.  It was sunny and windy as hell.  In fact it was a bit TOO windy.  We had to dump half of our sail area so we wouldn't break our masts.  And it's a good thing we did, because as we were passing one of our competitors prior to the race their top mast (smaller section of mast about 60 feet above the deck) snapped and came crashing down.  A crew member near the rail missed having his head crushed, and in all likelihood being dead, by about 2 feet.  It was pretty intense.   I've attached a few pictures of the race below.  I can't take credit for them all.  One is a photo that appeared in an article in my home town newspaper, and one was taken by my cousin's new wife because I was busy pulling on ropes....

So needless to say after the race, and prior to the awards ceremony we...ummm...celebrated.  As any pirates would celebrate we celebrated with obscene amounts of beer and rum.  So we went to the coast guard station where the ceremony was.  We were needless to say the rowdiest of crews.  Our captain was awarded the cup.  He promptly gave it to us, and we promptly filled it with rum and passed it around.  I didn't have my camera at this point, which is probably a good thing since I at some pointed ended up wearing said cup as a hat.

At the ceremony I saw a friend of a girl that I had hooked up with for a few months the last time I was single.(A whole other story for a whole other time)  She told me that her friend (the one I had a thing with for a while) was now engaged.  Joy.  Another one bites the dust I guess....I got her number and told her I'd give her a call once we all figured out where we were going to end up for the night.

We retired back to the boat and continued to celebrate and accept congratulations from our competitors.  I called the friend and she came to the boat for a few drinks and we moved on to the bar, where we continued to drink and be the most ungracious possible winners.  Give us a break.  It's been over a decade.  Hell when I started racing in this race I was 15.  So yeah, big monkey off our backs.

I'm pretty sure the friend who's number I got was and has been interested in me for a while.  She's nice enough, but really not my type.  She's a boat person, and contrary to what you may assume from above, I really am not.  Which isn't to say I don't like boats.  I love them.  But she is making a career out of it, and I decided long ago that was a life that I didn't want.

We closed the bar, and went home.  I woke up this morning more than a bit hung over.  Played 18 with my cousin and a nice older couple who were really cool.  Had dinner with my mom, dad, aunt and her boyfriend for her birthday, and now here I am.  I turned down tickets to the Red Sox game tonight because of dinner with my aunt, which I totally could have blown off, and because I really need to not get wasted, and it would be nice if I could get a decent nights sleep too....

E and I are planning to meet up on Thursday.  I have to think of something to do with her.  Just going to dinner is all well and good, but I need to think of something to do after.  Any ideas would be appreciated.  At this point I've fucked so many of these things up I guess I really don't have any expectations.

Till next time, thanks for reading.

(P.S. Average girl has decided that she wants to bash me some more and not accept my explanation for why I didn't address her comment.  Quite frankly, I'm done trying to make her happy.  Clearly it won't make any difference regardless.  I hope you all don't feel the way she does.)