WEAK!

Ok, random post about how much of a pansy I can sometimes be when it comes to talking to girls.  While it's fresh in my mind.

So, on the B-line home this attractive 20 something gets on the train and stands right in front of me.  She looks at me, I look at her, we both smile, I go back to my crossword, her to whatever.  As I intermittently look up from time to time, I look around, and then without fail back to her.  We make eye contact a few times, and I think, if this was a bar, and I had a few in me I would totally talk to her.  But definitely NOT on the train.

So we are going further and further out on the B-line and I start thinking to myself, "If this girl gets off at my stop I HAVE to say something."  She did.  We stood waiting to cross the street.  I had my in.  Did nothing.  We crossed the street and walked up the sidewalk together.  Again, I had my chance, and did and said nothing.  I went straight, she went right, and I immediately began kicking myself for not saying anything.  But did I go back and say, "Hey, I'm Nick.  I know this is completely random, but would you maybe be interested in grabbing a drink or maybe some dinner with me some time?"  No.  I didn't  I walked into my apartment building instead.

See, I have all these great ideas.  I had something to say.  I had an opportunity to say it.  But instead of doing it, I didn't say a word, and missed my chance.  Chances are she's got a boyfriend, or would be so freaked out by some random creep on the street asking her out that she'd just say no, but how the hell can you know if you don't even try??

I'm disappointed in myself.  I'm more than disappointed in myself.  Here's the problem.  If you read above, as I said, in a bar, with a few drinks in me, 100% go.  Sober, in every day life.  No.  That isn't good.  Liquid courage is not the answer.  I need to grow some balls and just lay it out there.  No risk no reward right?

Then I start to question how I would deal with getting rejected, but honestly, that's just stupid.  Who gives a shit if I get rejected?  I sure as hell shouldn't!

Aye.

Girls, here's a question for you:  If I came up to you after the above situation, would that be completely out of line?  Would I just be that creepy/annoying guy on the street that you just can't wait to get away from?  I mean, I'm no model, but I wouldn't say I'm unattractive.  So if a decent looking guy asked you to dinner on a street corner, how would you feel about that?

Anyway, thats today's disappointment.  Tomorrow I'm off to Florida for the rest of the week.  JOY.  I'll try to get an entry in somehow.  We'll see.

Bad News....

So, as expected Saturday turned into a complete shit show.  3+ hours in the sun, at a baseball game, drinking before, during and after.  Lousy game, they lost.  Seats were pretty good.  So after the game we head over to Cambridge to catch the show.  Stop on the way for a Red Bull and get to the Lizard Lounge a little early.  Who cares, what the hell else do we have to do.  Shoot the shit with Max (the bass player who's a friend of a friend).  Send a quick text to L2 to see what she's up to.  I know she's busy but I figure what the hell, worth a shot.  She texts back the she's in NH and can't come (obviously).  

So the opener is a band that doesn't have a singer.  No one sings for their entire set and they basically play elevator music on an organ, a drum kit and a bass.  It was more than a little bit painful.  I feel bad saying it, but honestly unless you're like this super awesome jazz band (which they indeed were not) get a singer and don't play elevator music.  I had been in the sun drinking all damn day and it was everything I could do to try to stay awake.

The Amity Front came on and played a good set.  We were right next to the "stage" at the Lizard Lounge (which means just off of the carpet where the musicians stand) and got a little friendly chat going with Max and the guitar player between songs.  When their set was done we urged them to play an encore, but they informed us that they were not allowed.  The band that followed had their amps and distortion too loud for a venue that small and basically blasted us out of our seats.  This was a good thing though, because at this point we'd moved on from beer to shots of vodka.  Thats right.  Shots. Of. Vodka.  Apparently the Russians are rubbing off on me.

I remember leaving the bar.  I remember getting in a taxi, but that's about it.  I'm thinking I MAY have given my cabbie WAY too much money.  But I really don't know.

At any rate, I apparently made it home.  I woke up with most of my clothes on, facing the wrong direction on my bed with my cell phone at my feet.  I took stock of my situation.  Wallet.  Check.  Credit cards. Check.  Phone. Check.  Phone.....fuck.  Who did I call?

I had 10 missed calls from the Russian at 230 AM and one call that I PLACED to the Russian at 145.  Details are sketchy, but I gather I called her and invited her over, and then passed the fuck out before she got here.  I texted an apology the next day, and she said she understood and didn't care.  I'm not convinced that is the truth, but in all honesty my transgression may be a blessing in disguise.

That is pretty bad though.  I also found a call that I placed to someone I had NO business calling at that time of the morning, and I can only hope that she didn't pick up because I can't even imaging what I would have said to her.....The good news?  No calls to L2, or anyone else that I really care about for that matter.

Million Dollar Invention: Cell Phone with a breathalyzer.  This way if you blow above a 0.1 you can't call people.  I would buy this.  You would too.  You know it.

Spent yesterday on my couch recovering.  Feeling a little down about...well everything, but I'm thinking it has a lot more to do with the amount of alcohol I ingested this weekend than anything else.

Today I have to call all of my cousin's shit head friends about his bachelor party.  I called them all 2 weeks ago and they were all supposed to get back to me to tell me whether or not they're coming.  No one has.  I can't tell you how much this irritates me.  But now I need to call them all again and pretend I'm not irritated or mad or anything else.  And if they're all cheap pricks and say they can't roll with the bachelor party plan?  Well then I'm going to have to think of something else, because no doubt they won't be offering any ideas.

Wish me luck.

Day Game

So just a quick update because I've been M.I.A.  for a couple of days.  

Hung out with L2 and her friends at a bar downtown on Thursday night.  It was fun, and her friends seemed pretty cool.  Not exactly the type that go clubbing, which is welcome news as far as I'm concerned.  She and her friends were ASTOUNDED that I didn't have facebook.  In fact, so astounded that she set up a facebook account for me that night on her blackberry with a wonderful picture that she snapped on her phone.  So yeah, apparently I'm a new facebook member.  I'll let you know how that goes.

It was cool to hang with her friends but I didn't really get a chance to talk to her one on one.  I'm having a hard time reading her.  In fact I am beginning to realize that I'm not terribly good at reading people at all.  But again, I'm not worried like I was about C.  I'm not gonna sweat it.

Sox Yanks game in a little while.  I've had a few beers already.  I'm getting prepared for a long ridiculous day/night.

I'm off to Fenway.

Go Sox!

My Name Is Earl?

The overall outlook on the Russian, from what I can tell, seems to be that I need to distance myself from her, but at the same time try to be there for her if she needs me.  This is all well and good in theory, but honestly, I'm having trouble figuring out how exactly to go about it.  Monday night she texted me asking for a good night kiss.  I lied to her.  I am not proud of it, but at the time I couldn't think of anything else.  A good night kiss would quickly have turned into a good night of her sleeping over.  I told her I was at my friend's condo helping him paint.

(Random Side Note:  I actually was earlier in the night.  I was last night too.  Will be tonight.  When I tell people this they are absolutely dumbfounded.  As if I'm saving children in a third world country.  I told one friend and she said "what did you lose a bet?"  When I called L2 (more on this to follow) and told her that was where I was she asked if I had taken the day off and if I was getting paid.  I'm not.  I have a friend who bought a condo that needed to be painted.  He is not what you might call handy, and doesn't know shit about painting.  I do.  I've painted A LOT in my life, so the nice thing to do is help.  So I'm helping.  It's just what you do no?)

I haven't heard from the Russian since that text.  I feel like I need to reach out.  Penelope, your advice seems to be the common thread.  I can't be what this girl needs right now and I need to figure out some way to make her understand that without hurting her more and making her feel like she is damaged and worthless.

In other news, I called L2 Monday night.  She was at work still.  At 9:15.  Possible bad thing as far as a future relationship is concerned, but needless to say I'm getting way ahead of myself.  She asked if she could call back later.  I said sure, but at 1030 texted her that I was going to bed and I'd call tomorrow.  She apologized for not being able to talk.  I assured her it was not a problem and apologized that she had to be at work so late.

I went to my friend's last night to paint and was there pretty late.  At about 930 I called and asked if I could call back later (the conversation about painting ensued.)  She said fine and I called at around 1030.  We spoke for a bit about how horrible it is that she has to work that late, and how this is her busy season (just past the end of the fiscal quarter??  I really wouldn't know.  This isn't stuff that engineers need to think about.)  I asked if she could possibly make some time for me at some point.  She said she hoped so.  Her Saturday is booked, which is good, because mine is too.  (Sox-Yankees game, followed closely by The Amity Front at the Lizard Lounge in Cambridge.  Good show, you should all go! (shameless plug!))  

She is planning on meeting friends out tomorrow night after worked and asked if I'd tag along.  A night with the friends already?  Honestly, I'm totally cool with that.  I want to see her again, and your friends say a lot about who you are as a person. (read C!!!)  So that is the tentative plan at this point.  She still isn't positive if she'll be able to get out of work but is supposed to let me know during the day tomorrow.  (Side Tangent:  If this were the C situation I'd be freaking out thinking she was blowing me off or whatever.  I'm not.  I couldn't be more happy about that fact.  Honestly, this is how I normally react to girls.  The C situation was an anomaly.  I still haven't decided if it was because of how hot she is, or my recent break up.  I wish she came along about 2 months later.  I think I would have handled the situation better, but who knows.)

Work news:  I'll be in sunny, hotter than shit Florida for 3 days next week.  It's good because I pretty much waste 2 work days traveling.  But again, Florida, late July?  Gonna be hot.

Check out The Amity Front below:

Faces in the crowd?

So, I went to the bar for the blogger meet up Friday, and JUST before I walked in  the door I realized that I haven't slightest clue what anyone looks like in real life.  I figured, what the hell, I'll stand there and look around and it will become obvious who I'm looking for.  Not so.  I got there right around 7.  Stood in the middle of the place looking around trying to make eye contact with everyone in the room hoping to recognize someone or maybe get a "Hey you're a blogger, here we are." kind of look.  Didn't happen.  So basically I stood in the bar for about 5 minutes.  Perhaps you saw me.  I was the guy making awkward eye contact with everyone in there. I walked out to the deck to look around, and then left.  I propose that the next time there is a meet up we make a banner.  Or name tags.  Or SOMETHING that would help a lost soul such as myself know who I'm trying to meet up with.

I'm sorry I lack patience.  I'm sure if I stood there a little longer SOMETHING might have happened.  Who knows.  I hope the meet up went well.

In other news, I'm still completely lost about the Russian.  I don't have any idea what to do.  I can't and don't want to just drop her.  That would be horrible, and add to an already astounding amount of bullshit that she's no doubt dealing with.  At the same time I don't want to be the first guy she's with after that (which she told me I am) because there will no doubt be some emotional connection that I know I can't live up to.  Especially with her living on the other side of the planet.  Lost.  Just.  Lost.

As far as the weekend goes, it was reasonably uneventful.  Saw my cousin from N.C. who is in the midst of wedding planning.  And of course when she, my mother and her fiance (Note:  I hate the word fiance.  Won't use it in real life.  I call all of my friends fiances "future wives") got together all they could talk about was wedding crap and babies.  Needless to say neither is my particular cup of tea.

Spent Saturay on the beach with the rest of the family.  I have a pretty large family so it is always a show when I get to see them.  My cousin who is becoming an FBI agent was there, and it was pretty cool to talk to him about that, and what they're allowed and not allowed to do.  (Not so Random Tangent:  If an FBI agent pulls a gun on you, stop doing whatever you're doing.  I was told, and I quote, "If an agent ever pulls a gun they are shooting to kill.  Period."  Felt like you all should know that.)

Sunday was golf day, and then I saw the Russian again.  Bad decision.  I need to try to distance myself from her a bit, but not in a way that will be too noticeable.  Does this sound horrible?  I mean, I want to help the girl, I want her to feel comfortable, but at the same time, as I stated above, I can't be her security blanket.  It just isn't possible.

Today I got to work and realized that I hadn't called L2 since our little date on Thursday.  ASS!  She is totally going to think that I'm pulling the whole "wait a few days so you seem cool" thing and that absolutely is not what I'm doing.  I'm going to call her tonight, apologize and make sure I mention that.  I don't want to play games with this girl.  I'm not playing games with this girl.  I truly just forgot based on all of the other peripheral bullshit that I'm dealing with lately.

If any of you have ANY advice on how I handle the Russian situation, anything helps.  Lynn, don't feel bad about your previous post.  I felt the same way.  It happens.  This is one of those kinds of moments in your life that you never forget.  I was the person after a rape.  I AM the person after a rape.  I feel for this girl.  I've honestly been thinking about her for the past few days.  Thinking what I can do or say to help.  I'm realizing that there is really nothing that I can do.  But I feel like I need to try.  I need to do SOMETHING.

I just don't know what.

What do I even say??

Ok, so last night was one of the most intense of my life.  I guess I should start from the beginning.  So I stayed at work late to meet up with L2.  We met at the Salty Dog in Faneuil Hall (Great outside bar, if you've never been there.)  I was there waiting for her and noticed a guy sitting there asking the bartender a bunch of questions about the area.  I asked him if he was in town on business.  (Note:  My week in Baltimore has given me a new appreciation for the business traveller.  I would have killed to have someone start a conversation with me when I was away.)  

We talked for a bit about Boston, work and all that yadda yadda.  So L2 calls me because she is hear and can't find me. (Side Note:  For me this was a completely blind date.  No idea what she looked like.  Though apparently she had gotten a picture of me through my old high school friend who works with my mom, who needless to say was happy to provide a picture.  Doesn't really seem fair.)  I waved, and she waved back and walked around to come in the bar.  The guy in town on business said "Wow, your girlfriend is beautiful."  "Oh no, she's not my girlfriend.  This is actually the first time I've ever met her.  I had no idea what she looked like till just now."  "No way," he said.  "Seriously man.  This girl I went to high school with set us up.  I've never spoken to her face to face before right now."

He put his hand up for the high five.  Now, I don't NOT like the high five.  It has its place.  But this wasn't really it.  I obliged.  L2 came walking over, I introduced myself and asked if she'd like a drink.  My new friend at the bar asked the bartender to give us a round on him.  L2 asked "Do you know him?"  "No not really.  Just met him.  He's in town on business."  "And he's buying us drinks?" she asked.  "Yeah I guess so."  I thanked him and introduced L2 who thanked him as well.  I think she was a little caught off guard by my random friend making abilities.  I guess that's a good first impression to make no?

L2 is attractive.  Dark brown hair with olive skin and beautiful blue eyes.  She isn't what I would call drop dead gorgeous (read: C gorgeous.  Yeah, C is that hot.) but she is definitely good looking.  About 5'4?  Thin.  Physically I'd be far too picky if I had any issue with her appearance at all.

So, a drink turned into dinner.  I was much more relaxed than I thought I would be.  I always get riled up and nervous before first dates, and then when the time comes along I just go with the flow.  We talked, she asked all the first date questions. (Random Tangent:  What is my favorite food??  Honestly?  NO idea.  I haven't a clue.  My favorite band??  Nope, nothing there either.  I like a lot of bands.  A better question to ask would be who am I listening to a lot right now.  I need to think up some stock answers for these situations.  But I digress.)

So she said she was waiting in town to meet up with a friend and that they were going out and I should come.  I had already committed to playing golf with a friend of mine today and had to get his golf clubs in my trunk, get my shit together and get some sleep, so I politely declined.  She seemed disappointed, but I assured her I'd would wait with her till he friends came.

We spoke a bit more.  Made more random bar friends (I have a way of doing this for some reason.  Don't know why.  Apparently I'm approachable...)  Then she had to go meet her friends.  I paid the tab, she protested.  I said "Maybe next time."  She said "What do you mean maybe."  "I mean if there is a next time."

The look on her face told me that I would be seeing her again.  I told her I was teasing her and that I'd love to see her again whenever she wants.  I wrote her an email this morning saying I had a great time and that if she wants we should do it again soon.  I'll call tomorrow.  I would today, but honestly, after last night I'm not sure I have it in me.  (read on to see why)

So I get on the god forsaken green line, get home, get my car, drive to my friend's, get his golf clubs.  As I'm driving away the Russian texts me and says "I'll be home by 11 if you're free."

I text "Sure, text me when you're getting off the train, I've got the place to myself."

(Side Note:  My conscience did at times say to me that this was wrong, but my logic told it to shut up because I really owe nothing to anyone at this point.)

She came over.  Things started getting umm...yeah...I'll spare you the details, but all of the sudden at one point she just said "Stop!"  I did, obviously.  She lay there curled up, shaking like a leaf.  Not good.  Something is wrong.  I ask if she is ok, and wrap my arms around her and pull her close to try to stop her from shaking.  This goes on for about 2 or 3 minutes.  Then she stops shaking and breathes deeply.

She turns to me, looks me in the eyes and says "I need to tell you, 6 months ago in Russia I was raped."

!!!!!!????

Rape to me is about the worst thing there is.  Convicted rapist = death penalty as far as I'm concerned.  Kill them.  They deserve it.  This poor girl is 20 years old and is never going to be the same again.  This person took from her something she will NEVER get back.  I didn't delve into the details, as obviously it is a subject I'm sure she doesn't want to relive.

She said, "You would never do that right?"

??What??

"I would never do anything like that to anyone, let alone you.  That is a horrible horrible thing.  You don't need to worry when you're with me.  That will never happen.  I promise you with all my heart.  You're safe here."  She laid in my arms and fell asleep.  I couldn't sleep.  I am enraged that someone would do this to her.  That someone would do this at all.  Last night I was filled with transcendent anger.  The kind that can keep you up all night and you won't even feel the slightest bit tired.

I am ill equipped to deal with this.  I'm not sure anyone on the planet is equipped to deal with this, but I know I definitely am not.

I told Becky.  She said "How is it that you always find these girls?"  I won't go into specifics, but I've had some...projects...in the past.

I am at a loss.  I tried to comfort her as much as I could.  I tried to let her know that she is safe with me.  But I never can.  I don't know who this person is who did this to her.  I don't even know if he's in jail or what.  But I want nothing more than to beat the living shit out of him for her.  And I barely know her.

Note to Rapists:  You cowardly scummy gutless pieces of shit.  If it were up to me we would round you all up and blow your fucking heads off, but alas it is not.  Instead you go to jail for a year or two, and your victim is in jail for the rest of their lives.  You will burn in hell, but in the meantime I hope your live is miserable.  Full of despair, want and hopelessness.  You are the lowest of the low.  

I don't pray often.  But last night I said a prayer, and asked God to help this girl to get her life back together.

God bless her.

So I just got back from golfing.  Gonna hop in the shower, dress and hopefully get to the blogger meet up for a few drinks before I drive to the North Shore to see all the family.  I don't have time to be fashionably late, so if anyone who is going is reading this, PLEASE someone be there at 630.  If not I'll be on my own for 45 minutes or so, and then I'll leave.

Ok, I'm out.

Continued....

Sorry, got hung up yesterday and couldn't finish the post....

Right now I'm sitting in my office waiting for L2 (the girl I got set up with) to get out of work so we can meet up for a drink. Again, I'm being left with WAAAAAAAY too much time to think about this whole situation. I should have gone home, changed my clothes and driven back down town, but I stayed in the office because I'm planning on playing golf tomorrow afternoon and putting in some extra hours today can't hurt right?

So I've come to a few realizations in the past couple of days. The first and most important to me is my new found insecurity. Now, I'm not insecure. I wouldn't characterize myself as such, but lately I've realized that a lot of how I feel about myself has started to be based on other people. For instance, when C started playing her games I felt HORRIBLE about myself. All I could think of was "Why does she not want to be with me?" What I should have been thinking, and would have been in the past is "Oh well, her loss." I guess ideally you'd want to be somewhere in between? I mean, caring what people think is important to some extent, but not when you let it make you feel bad about yourself. Thats what I think.

Along those lines, I'm interested to see how I react if this little set up doesn't work out. Obviously there are 1000 variables between here and there, but if I think she is cool, attractive and someone I may be intersted in, and she just thinks "Blah, he's not it" I really don't have any idea how I will handle that.

In the last 2 months I've had both ends of the spectrum: C, who I absolutely destroyed myself over, and now this Russian, who honestly, if I don't ever see her again, I would be fine. Maybe it had to do with the proximity to my break up? I mean, I guess it is still reasonably fresh. I was the middle of April, so I'm going on being 3 months out of a 2+ year relationship at this point. at the one and a half month mark maybe I wasn't back to being myself yet?

At any rate, I'm looking forward to tonight, though again, I feel like I've had FAR too long to think about this whole situation. Here's hoping I don't F it up.

Potpourri

Title says it all.  I guess I've got a lot to talk about.  So here goes:

Picked up my car at Brookline Audi today and put $3500 on my Amex....yeah.  Supposedly my insurance company is going to pick at least some of that up, but we'll see.  They'll end up sending my a check for about $200 based on my experience.  So I pay, get my keys and they tell me my car is right outside.  It's not.  So I go in, and find a guy to find my car for me.  It's around back.  This was the biggest mistake they ever made.  Now I'm suspicious.  So the guy gives me my keys, and I turn my car and the A/C on since it was about 90 and take a quick walk around the car to make sure they haven't F-ed anything up.  Sure enough, they did.  First I go to the back and notice that the concrete block that keeps people from driving off of parking lots?  Yeah well, they've smashed my mufflers into it so far and hard that they're literally pushed up to my bumper.  ANGER.  Then I walk around the front, and someone has hit something with my front bumper.

I walked inside, pretty steamed.  Found the service rep and said "Ok, so who do I talk to about the fact that my mufflers are ground onto a block of concrete and one of your service techs hit something with my front bumper?"

"Sorry about the mufflers sir, but are you sure those scratches on your bumper weren't already there?"

This just about set me off.  I drive an '03 A4...it is perfect.  The paint, the wheels, the windows, the inside.  I notice shit like a bunch of scratches on my bumper.  "Listen, do I look like the kind of person who doesn't notice scratches on my bumper?  I just paid you over three thousand dollars to fix my fucking car, and you're giving it back to me with fucked up paint and dented mufflers.  Where is your manager?" (Note:  I was a bit pissed off at myself that I swore at the guy.  I hate that.  Not mature or professional, and I wish I hadn't.)

"He's not here right now sir."

So I have the manager's card and direct line phone number.  He will be getting an earful tomorrow morning, and they will be giving me money to fix this.  Period.

So I have my car back.  Took it for a little ride to beat on it and make sure it wasn't gonna break again.  So far so good.

In other news, I still haven't the slightest clue where to go with this girl tomorrow.  I've officially had WAY too long to think about this little meeting of mine and that is not good.  I generally can have pretty good conversations with people when I don't try, but when I start trying it's obvious and painful.  Hence the problem with thinking about it too much.  And all of you out in bloggy world haven't come up with any ideas for me either!  GEEZ!  Juuuust kidding, but seriously, if you know anywhere around the financial district that has a nice outdoor bar, let me know.  Thanks.

As far as the Russian is concerned, Lynn, I think you're absolutely right.  She's kind of going a bit overboard.  But whatever.  It's just a fling.  I guess one way to look at it is that at least I'm getting to kiss her, and I have someone to hang out with who isn't the same old friends.

So, turns out I can probably take Friday off.  To be continued.....

Someday I may understand, but probably not....

So the Russian texted me last night because she was on the green line home.  She said she wanted to see me and say hello.  I was actually in bed, but she gets off the subway at the stop that is literally right outside my front door, so I threw on some clothes and met her downstairs.  She immediately grabbed me and started kissing me, and essentially humping my leg. (Sorry for the umm...crass description, but nothing else really suitably describes what she was doing to me)

Now, to me this means something.  You come to my house in the middle of the night, grab me, start kissing me (sloppy, wet, lots of tongue kissing me) and grinding on my leg.  I mean, what would you think?  So I invite her upstairs.  She gives me a look like she's thinking about it then says "No, I must go home." (Again, Russian accent = super hot.  Maybe it's just me)

I figure she's playing a little game, so I beg a little bit, and tell her that I don't really feel comfortable with her walking through the streets at 1230 at night (Note:  This is honestly true.  I do have a problem with girls and women walking the streets of Boston alone at this time of night.  Chances are nothing would ever happen, but honestly I don't know what I'd do if something did.  I would never forgive myself.)

She started to walk away.  I said "at least let me walk you home."  She declined and said "Very soon I will stay the night with you."  Then she walked to the sidewalk and stopped, looking at me, and gave me the come hither finger.  Now, again, unless my shit is waaaaay off this means something.  I go over expecting her to maybe invite me to her place?  She kisses me again and says good night.

I asked her if she was enjoying playing with me.  Fuck it.  That's what it is, I'm done beating around the bush.  "Sometimes yes.  I do."

AAAARGH.  Needless to say I was a bit frustrated when I got back inside.  I asked to text me when she got home, and she did.  "I am home, and I'm still feeling your arms on me.  I was thinking about you all night, and now I will dream about you."

Today she found out that she has to go to NYC this week and she wants to see me Friday.  Can't do it.  I have family in town from North Carolina and California this weekend, which will take up pretty much all of my time. (I'm going to try really hard to make the blogger meet up on my way out of town, I swear.)  So I've texted her to tell her.

We'll see what the response is.

In other news my car is done.  Final tally $3500.  I'll get into the details later, but its convoluted and semi BS but I may be able to get a good deal of it from my insurance company.

More to follow.  Thanks for reading

PDA...Not the hand held kind...

So, I met up with the Russian last night.  We went on a sunset harbor cruise.  I guess that's what you do when you're 20.  She wore a short short skirt.  Don't get me wrong, it looked fantastic, but there are some things you just don't wear on a boat.  The 3 inch heels weren't helping her sea legs.  

Now, I can remember being 20.  I was a bit different than I am now, but keep in mind, I was in a relationship at that time that I'd been in for 5 years already, so sticking my tongue down my girlfriend's throat wasn't exactly on my radar.  Apparently in Russia they aren't shy about making out in front of a boat full of strangers, a restaurant full of people, anywhere on any given sidewalk or on the green line.  It was more than a bit much.  I mean, I see people doing what we were doing, and it kind of makes me sick.  But honestly, at this point I'm just like, whatever, I'll go with it.

So all night she is making references to jumping my bones, as it were.  References to getting it on in an alley, or on top of a bar....That is WAY beyond my personal range of acceptable even when I'm drunk, never mind when I'm sober.  I'm guessing she was joking, but it's hard to tell sarcasm or jokes with her.  She has quite an accent, and I honestly have no idea how wild this girl might be.  She's kind of got the "crazy eyes."  All guys know about the crazy eyes.  It's not necessarily that you have big eyes, or that you don't blink.  They just have a look.  It's unmistakable.  Now, I'm not going to marry this girl, she's going back to Russia in six weeks, so I'm pretty sure I can deal with however crazy she is until then.

Not sure how I feel about this whole thing at this point, though I do have to say I've got to figure out how to cut down on the PDA without offending her.  I hate to say this but it is great that her visa expires in the end of August.  This could just be a fun quick thing, which I think is just what I need at this point.  If it were not the case that she were leaving it wouldn't be as stress free.  I really can't win or lose in this situation I guess.  All I can do is try to enjoy myself, so that is what I'm doing.  It is a good feeling to not care again....That sounds cold, but honestly, being bent out of shape about girls I hardly know is just ridiculous.

In other news, if you recall a few weeks ago I was supposed to be "set up".  Well my friend finally gave me the girl's email address.  We're meeting up Thursday night after work.  If anyone has any suggestions of a good place to meet up in the financial district let me know.  I have a few in mind, but nothing spectacular.  I have no idea what she's like, or even what she looks like.  My friend from high school (who is setting us up) knows me, and knows the kinds of girls I've dated.  I hope she's not setting me up with the "really nice" friend.  I know, it's horribly shallow of me, but there has to be a physical attraction before there can be anything else no?

Thanks all for reading and commenting.  Sorry for the brief post, but I'm tired and the Lice Episode if South Park is on, so I'm out.

The Things I Wish They Knew

Last night ended up being pretty low key.  A friend of mine now lives in Somerville (quite an inconvenience with my car in the shop, but whatever.)  I took a cab to his place.  We had a few beers and we decided to go sit outside at Legal Seafoods in Kendall Sq. for dinner.  We finished a few beers and he, myself and his girlfriend (who he just moved in with, and is the reason he is way the F over in Somerville) got a cab to Kendall Sq.  Had some great food at Legal's stayed for a few drinks paid our tab and left.  Now, I like my friend's girl.  She is alright, but she rolls her as at me like every 5 minutes.  Most of the time it is when I'm looking at or trying to speak with girls.  I don't know what her problem is.  I mean, fine, you haven't been single in like 5 years, buuuut when you ARE single the only way you're ever going to meet anyone is to try to talk to them no?

So we decided a few more beers were called for, and went to the Cambridge Brewing Company.  We sat outside and had some beer and caught up for a while longer.  As we were sitting there I noticed this cute blonde hippie girl sitting on a bench alone by the street.  I kept an eye on her and after 45 minutes she was still sitting there alone and no one had said a word to her.  I mentioned to my friend and his girlfriend that the girl had been sitting there alone for so long, I was met with an eye roll by his girlfriend of course.  So I though, fuck it, she's smoking a butt, I have a pack in my pocket, I'm going to say hi.  I got "the sigh" from the friend's girlfriend, but whatever.  Fuck her. (more to follow on this)

So I walk up to the lonely stranger and as if I can share her bench.  She says of course and I sit and light a cigarette.  

"Waiting for someone?"  

"Yeah, my boyfriend works at CBC so I'm waiting for him to get out." she said.

I looked at my watch, "May be her for a while."

"Yeah, I'm not sure if I'm gonna wait or not.  He hasn't answered his phone or my texts."

Ok, now, this kind of blew my mind.  I got a little more info and the boyfriend apparently knew she was going to there waiting and had told her he was getting out early, and now he's not even giving her a call to let her know he won't?  I put myself in that position and I think 1) I would at least call and let her know what was up, or check my phone at the very least and see that she'd called.  and 2) I would take the 4 seconds that it would take to walk outside, say hello and explain what was going on.

So we talked a bit more.  Turns out she lives in Allston and takes the bus from Kendall Sq. to get there?  She asked me how I get to Brighton from Kendall and I said "I take a cab."  At which point I SHOULD have said, "Wanna split one." but my conscience stops me from doing things like hitting on girls who have boyfriends (especially when they're within line of sight.)  I went back to my table and got another eye roll or two as I explained her situation.  So we sat there for a while, and JUST before I left the cute blonde stood from her bench and walked away.  At NO point did anyone ever come out of CBC to say hello.  Her timing sucked, because honestly, if she waited about 2 minutes longer, and we happened to be walking down the street together I would have offered a cab.  Not even to try to hit on her, though I'm sure a little of that would be going on, but I really have this thing against letting good looking young girls walk through the streets of the city alone late at night.  And it kind of irks me that a girl that beautiful would be dating someone who is so clearly a bit of a douche.

I mean honestly, you don't call her, you don't go outside to say hello, and then you let her walk herself through an area of a city, that she admitted to me she was not terribly familiar with, in the middle of the night?  

What I wish they knew?: That there are guys out there who care enough not to do shit like that.  I would never do that to any girlfriend of mine no matter what the situation, and I'm sure I'm not alone here.  

Later in the night my friend said  that he told his girl to stop giving me the exasperated eye roll every time I talked to a girl.  This is why he is my friend.  He understands shit like that, and I honestly did not say a word to him about it before he just told her.  Good friends know shit like that I guess.

At any rate, work Monday.  I have my annual review.  I guess it is a good time being that they've shipped me away for the last week.  I already know that I got a raise.  6.5% is pretty good.  I was expecting about 5, so there you go.  Pretty happy with the job at this point.  It's been interesting work, I've been getting a lot of experience in new innovative things, and they pay me well and don't treat me like just a number.  I worked for a company with 6,000 employees.  Let me just tell you, a company like that does not give a shit about you.  They give a shit about their stock price, and if they need to cut $5 million in payroll to make their year end profit numbers they will.  And they don't care who they fire.

So I'm seeing the light as far as my professional situation.  I guess there's just shit I'll need to deal with no matter where I go or what I do, its just a question of what kind of shit and whether I want to deal with it or not.

Thanks for reading.

Shameless Plug

Spent last night in Harvard Square.  Totally cliche I know, but it really is a great place to hang out in the summer.

I started the night at Tommy Doyle's at a show.  I've seen The Ryan Fitzsimmons Band a few times now and they always put on a good show.  Check out their myspace page and listen to a few songs.  Kind of Tom Waits like.  The stuff on the site now is from his new album which is a bit more mellow than the stuff the band plays live.  (Side Note:  I try to be a supporter of local bands, and when I find one that I like I will see them almost whenever they play.  It's hard to find a good local band, so when I do I like to support them so they keep playing.  Plus it is always cheaper than going to see a big act)

Tommy Doyle's used to be the House of Blues, and the space that they have shows in is really cool and quite unique.  Small, cozy and nice.  I will see more shows there.  I would recommend it to anyone.

After the set we walked through Harvard Square to head to Club Passim to see if there was any live music going on there.  Turns out they weren't even open.  On a Friday night?  It was late, so perhaps they closed a bit early, but it was definitely before 1, so I don't know.

We ended up in the new Beer Garden behind Charlie's Kitchen.  It was pretty cool to be outside, and the crowd was good.  That is one of my favorite things about Harvard Square.  Generally the crowd is upbeat, intelligent and there to have fun.  This isn't the case in many parts of the city (I'm talking to YOU BU and BC bars.  FULL of meat heads.)  They definitely needed to get another bartender out there, but overall it was pretty fun.  Not sure what the deal is with tonight.  Hopefully something good is going on.  I can't handle sitting around in my apartment after a whole week sitting in a hotel room.

Maybe a trip to Somerville to meet up with some friends.  As far as squares go, I'd have to say Davis Square in Somerville is a close second to Harvard Square.  If you haven't been, definitely check out the area.  Great bars, good crowds.

A Requim for Baltimore

So my asian friend (A from here on.  Not for asian, for her name that begins with an A) called yesterday after work.  She said she was considering going to DC to hang out with some friends (apparently she is from there) but wanted to know when I was leaving Baltimore.  I told her I was leaving this afternoon and she changed her plan.  She came into town and we went out to dinner.  I started drinking at dinner.  It's been a long week.  I really needed it.  We finished, walked to Little Italy in Baltimore and just hung out.  (FYI: Little Italy in Baltimore??  Yeah not so much.  It's very little and not very Italian.  But they do have the required statue of Christopher Columbus that all Italian neighborhoods have.)

We went to a bar near my hotel that was new and looked pretty cool, but was closed for painting?  The place literally opened like 2 months ago and it already needs to be painted?  WTF is that?  So we went to the bar in my hotel to regroup and figure out something else to do.  The bartender at my hotel bar was named Maurice.  Maurice was the shit.  He was one of those jovial personable bartenders who is always cracking jokes and making you feel at home.  Maurice was closing up because he "had a little something going on later" and gave us a flyer for free admission to a piano bar in the night club area of Baltimore.  We thought, what the hell, let's check it out.

Howl at the Moon was an absolute riot.  Apparently it is a franchise at sorts and they have locations all over the country.  If they ever open in Boston I will be there.  There were 2 pianos, 4 piano player/comedians who took any request and played it.  It was absolutely hilarious.  So while we were at the bar A insisted on buying me a drink since I bought dinner 2 nights in a row.  So while she was getting the drinks some guy started hitting on her.  I really could not have cared any less.  It was a refreshing feeling to be honest, to be completely indifferent toward the guy who was hitting on the girl I was with.  But she was sitting there talking to him for a few minutes, which again I had no problem with, but I wanted my damn drink!  So I walked over, grabbed it and said I'd be at the table when she got done.  She looked as if she'd been caught stealing.  (Side Note:  The dude talking to her gave me this look like "haha I'm stealing your girl."  Again, I really didn't care, so frankly it was funny.  I kind of laughed at him and walked away.  He didn't know how to react to that.  I mean, how much of a douche do you need to be to get satisfaction from trying to steal a girl from someone?  God help us.  But I digress.)

She came back to the table a few minutes later and started apologizing profusely.  I said "Listen, you don't need to apologize to me.  I will be gone tomorrow.  You absolutely should meet and talk to people here.  Seriously, I have no problem with that at all."  She grabbed, hugged and gave me one of those "You are great" kisses that you get every once in a while.  We spent the rest of the night talking, singing along and laughing at the piano players.

On the way home I got a cab.  The cabbie was like "But where you're going is like 4 blocks away."  I assured him he would be paid and tipped well.  The reason I got a cab?  Well mostly because of the sketchy crack head/homeless guys who accosted me for all of the change I had in my pockets on the way there.  And it was much later now.  We went back to the hotel and I didn't get much sleep.  It was a rough morning.  Ever notice how the hangover from a night of drinking hard alcohol is completely different than a night of beer??  Yeah, I had a hard alcohol hangover this morning.  I left her in bed and went to the office.  She said she'd stay till I got back to pack up and check out.

I came back at about 1030 to get my shit together and check out of the room.  She told me she wished I live in Baltimore, and that I wasn't leaving.  All good things to hear I guess, but I honestly could not have been happier to be getting out of there.  I went to the airport early and had lunch and a couple of beers.  Landed in Boston just in time to hit rush hour traffic, and of course my cabbie was completely inept and took the complete wrong way to get me home.  What I wanted more than anything at this point was to get home, lay in my bed and take a nap, and this moron was not only preventing from getting there, but also making it more expensive to boot.  If it weren't going to be on the company I would have been far far more angry.

Now I'm back, heading out tonight with some friends to catch a show.  It's times like this that you really appreciate the people you have as friends (i.e. when you haven't seen anyone you know in a week.)  

Random Side Note:  As we were landing in Boston I got this overwhelmingly lonely feeling.  If anyone has seen the movie Love Actually (yeah, kind of a chick flick, but really not a bad movie as far as chick flicks go) you know that in the airport everyone is seeing their significant other, family, kids etc. and hugging them and just being happy to see people.  The only person who was there for me was the cabbie from god knows where who had no idea where he was going.  I always remember time I landed in the airport after flying alone when I was met by the ex (when we were still dating).  It was quite a thing because while I was away she got a job offer in NYC that she thought she was going to take, so we had some pretty heavy phone conversations and I honestly had no idea if I'd ever see her again.  That was one of the greatest hugs of my life.  I will never forget it.  (WARNING!!! CHEESINESS OVERLOAD!!!)

Anyway, thanks for reading and posting.  I'm finally back in Boston! YES!  Hoping to make it to the get together next week.  Crossing my fingers.

One More Night

So, this is my last night in Baltimore. Last night wasn't all that bad. I went to the outdoor bar at the Hard Rock Cafe (lame and touristy I know) on the harbor in Baltimore. The bar is almost like a dock. It sits out in the middle of a channel between two piers. This is what piqued my interest. I sat there and was the only one at the bar for some time and got to speaking with the bartender and the wait staff. She was very cute, brunette with beautiful light blue eyes and an easy smile. She was slow so she pulled out a cross-word puzzle and asked for my help doing it. (Full Disclosure: In my day I was pretty damn good at crosswords. I went to engineering school so there was a lot of time spent in the back of lecture halls doing crosswords instead of learning. And I tend to do the on the train when I am not reading anything.) So I wowed her with my crossword skills and we talked, along with the rest of the wait staff, as everyone was slow. Seems thats not the happening spot to hang, but I was surrounded by a bunch of girls who were talking to me (yes they were waiters and bartenders, but at this point human interaction is human interaction. I'll take it.) I finished about 6 beers there, and then left to get dinner somewhere else because, lets face it, the Hard Rock isn't exactly gourmet.

At dinner I sat at the bar alone and noticed a cute asian girl sitting a couple of seats away, also seemingly alone. I thought, what the hell, at the very least maybe a conversation. "So, are you here on business?" "No," she said, "I just moved here to go to nursing school."

So we got to chatting, talked through dinner, and had a few more drinks. I asked her what there was to do around here and she said she really didn't know. I said "Well, I'm probably gonna go for a quick walk around the harbor and then grab a drink at my hotel bar if you're not doing anything you are more than welcome to join me." She did, we walked and talked, then made it up to my hotel for a few more drinks. At this point I was pretty tipsy, as apparently was she. I kissed her. Yup. Bold move, prompted 100% by alcohol no doubt about it.

I was going to ask her up to my room, but I didn't really want to be too forward. She kind of invited herself up...

Today I think to myself "should I have said no and just gone to bed?" I really don't know. I woke up this morning with her next to me feeling a little scummy. More than a little. But I really don't know why or if I should. I mean, I guess there's no real reason NOT to have done whatever, but again, that catholic guilt has a way of finding its way into my brain.

I left her in bed this morning and went to work and told her if she felt like it to text me, as clearly I have NOTHING else to do in this city while I'm here.

By the way, if you're all reading the last few posts and thinking "No fucking way this all happened to this kid." I would not blame you. I would be thinking the same thing, and actually in reading these posts it's more than a little hard for me to believe myself. Plus I kind of feel like a bit of a man whore. Rightfully so I think, but honestly I've never really been in this situation before. Not sure how I should handle it. Please don't think I'm a horrible person. Honestly, it's not like I'm out there actively looking for tail per se. All of these things have happened when I was in fact not really trying to get laid at all. Perhaps that is the secret. Guys take note.

Anyway, today I feel sketchy and dirty and I'm pseudo hoping she doesn't text me tonight. We shall see...I'll keep you all posted.

Edgar Allen I am Not

So, you'd think that since I've been sitting in a hotel room alone for the last two nights I'd at least post something wouldn't you? I'm quite surprised that I haven't as well. I would say most of that has to do with the fact that for the last two nights I've gone to dinner alone and had...well...a few, and by the time I got back to my room I was less than motivated.

So here I am, before I leave work and go to dinner and drinks...probably alone again. Not probably alone, definitely alone. Baltimore is a cool city I guess. My hotel is right near the waterfront, which is a pretty nice place to hang out. There are malls, bars, restaurants. It's fun, and thus far, other than right now, the weather has been pretty great.

The work isn't bad either. Once again I've been called in to save a pregnant woman from her project who is on the verge of leaving to have her baby. Apparently that is my calling card at this point. So I'm here till at least the end of the week trying to familiarize myself with something that I really don't have any experience working with. With any luck I won't have a return trip to Baltimore next week, but thus far there are no guarentees.

Work travel...I mean, it wouldn't be so bad, but it's just like, hanging at a bar alone = lame
eating dinner alone = lame
going back to the hotel to watch the family guy till I crash = lame
not being able to get the sox on TV = lame

So needless to say I can't wait to get back to Beantown and just relax and hang out with friends. Turns out I have family coming to town this weekend though. Which sucks. I mean, I like my family. I really do. But I have a feeling that this weekend I'm just gonna want to be able to do my own thing and not have to do whatever they want to.

Last night I did have some human contact from home. K texted me telling me she misses me (clearly the polar opposite of C in that regard) L texted to check in since I told her last weekend I'd be spending the week in Baltimore, most likely alone. It was nice to have a little convo with her about when we'd meet up again. She seems really chill and relaxed which is just what I need at this point, and there is ZERO pressure from her for a relationship, which is also nice. I also got a text from my old roommate about a party this weekend that she wanted to invite me to. I really want to see her, but again, this weekend may be trash. This all remains to be seen.

In other news, I have no idea what is going on with my car. My rep at the dealership didn't answer his phone today. Getting a little irked at this point. Nothing like a car payment and endless repair payments for a car that you never get to drive. Again, don't buy an Audi with an automatic transmission. And if you do, and it breaks, don't say I didn't tell you.

Aaaaaand I guess that is all of the complaining I should do for today before I lose you all.

Any suggestions from people about what they would/have done in a situation similar to the one I'm in now (strange city, alone) would be great. I'm DYING here!

From Russia With Love?

Last night wasn't all blogging and packing as it turns out.  I send a text to K just to see what she was up to.  Turns out she had just gotten back from visiting her friend in Maine and was just hanging around her apartment.  I invited her over for, you guess it, a movie.  She accepted and came over.  We watched Snatch, one of my favorite movies.  (Side Note:  I will never forgive Madonna for what she's done to Guy Ritchie.  Before Madonna he made classics like Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch...Since then, crap like Swept Away (starring Madonna...After she married him.)  This kills me.)

We didn't watch much of the movie.  I guess you could say I got to second base?  Though based on what's going on in Gloucester these days may mean getting your girlfriend pregnant with twins.

She is making me wait till I get back from Baltimore.  That is what she told me.  Though, when I walked her home she brought me around to her bedroom window and said "There is my bedroom window.  If you ever want me you can just come stand outside."  Which immediately made me think she wanted me standing outside that night, though I did not.

I totally bit on her "tease" if you will and we had dinner tonight as well.  I kind of regret that.  It is too much too soon, but she is definitely into it.  We walked around Newbury street a bit after dinner and then I really had to leave to finish packing and getting everything together for Baltimore tomorrow morning (and apparently writing a blog entry.)  I said "I have to go, let's grab a cab home."  She said "I will walk.  You get a cab."

??  Umm, I'm confused, and made sure she was ok with that.  Apparently it was ok, and she walked away?

I don't know what this means, but I'm not going to worry about it.

Flight at 6AM tomorrow.  Wish me luck

Uncle Sam Wants YOU!

It's been quite a week/weekend thus far.  I'll try to summarize.  

Wednesday I went out with K, the Russian I met at the bar.  I met her at her house and we went for sushi.  (Side Note:  She looked absolutely beautiful.  This is the first time I've seen her made up and with clothes on that really showed off her figure.  Stunning.  She was turning heads all night.)  We sat, ate and talked.  After, I was stumped as to what to do.  I literally was trying to think ALL day long about what I was going to do with her.  I apologized and she suggested a movie again.  She said "It is not trouble at all, I love the movie theater."  So we walked to the theater, bought a ticket for the nearest show time and took a walk through the Fenway Neighborhood that I used to live in.  As we were walking around the neighborhood she grabbed me and kissed me.  I've learned that she...ummm...isn't shy about making out in the street.  Which is refreshing actually, but caught me off guard to say the least.

I had to break the news to her that I was going to be in Baltimore for the next week.  It was a little harder than you think.  I mean, just think about it; a guy you've been on 1 date with takes you out and essentially says "I can't see you for the next week and a half."  Your first inclination may be toward thinking it was B.S.  I assured her, and I believe she understood and believed me, though she did sound disappointed.  I reassured her to let her know that I was not thrilled about having to spend the week in Baltimore regardless, but it was even worse since I wasn't going to be able to see her. (Note: This was at least 75% genuine.  I really would like to see her again, and it having to be a week and a half between dates does suck.  At the same time, it is probably good that there is this time to keep me from rushing into something and turning into more than it is.)

I walked her home and we spent a few minutes on her doorstep kissing, and I told her that I would call her as soon as I was back in the state.

Thursday night is a blur.  I spent it at my brother's house on the North Shore.  There was a parade, fireworks and fun people.  And enough booze that I'm not really clear on what all went on, but I woke up alone with all of my clothes on, so I guess I've got that going for me.

Friday was the big cook out at my parent's on the North Shore.  I invited a bunch of friends from town up to celebrate the holiday, and the "Girl who Was There for Me" (she will be known as L from here on) came from CT.  We drank 2 kegs of beer, bbq-ed, played volleyball and other yard games.  And needless to say, there was more than a fair amount of drunkenness.  One of the "friends" that was invited was my roommate.  Couldn't be avoided without endless BS and drama and it was just easier to invite him even though he was the LAST person I wanted to be there.

So, the last time L was around my roommate (Q) TOTALLY hit on her all night.  Though she 

wanted no part of it, he kept talking, as he tends to do, endlessly.  Her and I ended up hooking up at the end of the night, and while I was speaking to someone else about the entire incident Q was eavesdropping, as he tends to do, and heard me tell a story about how it almost didn't work out because I didn't have a condom.  At this point Q interjects "Oh, you should have told me man.  I had a few."  To which I responded "Oh yeah?"  he said "Yeah, I figured if you didn't fuck L I would have so I came prepared."  ??  Who even says that first of all?  Second, she very very clearly wanted NO part of you.  At all.

So anyway, this weekend the same thing.  I invited this A-hole because I didn't want to leave him out and deal with his bitching, and he gets up there and IMMEDIATELY starts hitting on L.  Again, NO CHANCE dude, and she was definitely there to hook up with me in no uncertain terms.  So by the end of the night L and I are sitting kind of close, chatting, being a little playful, and I look up and I'm getting the look of death from Q.

I laughed in his face.  Kind of more rude than I should have been, but honestly, fuck you.  This was the culmination of tons of bullshit over the last few months.  He turned around a walked away without saying a word, as he should have.

(Randome Side Note:  L isn't stand out hot.  She is definitely attractive, but if you saw her on the street she might not really turn your head.  However, what was TOTALLY unexpected to me was how AMAZING her body is.  This morning is the first time I saw her with no clothes when it was light.  Just caught me a little off guard.)

Spent today on the boat going to the beach and swimming.  It wasn't an ideal day, but it was fun.  Q decided he would tag along as the 5th wheel.  Boy was I excited.

And now it is Saturday night and I'm sitting in my apartment alone blogging.  I don't have a problem with this at all because honestly, after the last two nights I need to take some time off from partying.  Tonight is definitely one of those nights that having someone to stay home with would be great, but alas I do not.  I'm good though.  I have to pack and get ready for my lovely week in Maryland.

I hope your Saturdays are more exciting than mine has been.

(Comment addressal:  It seems that the general consensus is that me dating a 20 year old is just fine, which is what I suspected.  Maybe Becky is just jealous ;)

Thanks again for reading and posting.

OK? not OK? I dunno

So I had a bit of a freak out last week.  Mini freak out.  I should say.  After I got the "You may need $10,000 to fix your car" news, and all of the realizations about C were kind of hitting me at the same time I was just overloaded.  I went for a walk at about 10PM.  I had to get out of my apartment.  My roommate is driving me absolutely NUTS (Side Note:  He really is a douche.  I didn't realize how much before because I spent a lot of time with my ex and he wasn't around.  Now he follows me everywhere.  Also, he sucks to live with.  In the two years we've lived together he has cleaned the bathroom once, never cleans anything else, complains constantly about anything and everything, and has a penchant for leaving rotting food in my kitchen sink.  I'm not a neat freak by any means, but come on.)  After I walked around for a bit I went to the bar across the street from my house because I still wasn't prepared to deal with him or being in my apartment.

Yes, I went to a bar alone.  And drank and watched the baseball game.  I found myself next to a pretty blonde girl, though honestly if she hadn't spoken to me I wouldn't have noticed.  I was just completely consumed by all of the bullshit surrounding my life at the time.

She is Russian.  Not of Russian descent, but from Russia, here for the summer.  She has a great Russian accent which, I have to be honest, I love.  So she says a few things, I am polite but by no means trying to be a charmer in any way.  Again, my head was full of thoughts like "Where the fuck am I gonna get $10,000?" and "Why is this girl playing me?  I didn't do anything to her and I REALLY thought she liked me."

So after a little while I apologize to her and tell her I'm really having an awful day and that I'm sorry if I seem like a jerk.  She apologizes for bothering me.  I assure her that she was no bother at all and that it was nice to talk to someone.  About 15 minutes later I stood up to leave.  I thought, eh what the hell, pulled out a business card, wrote my cell number on the back and walked back over to her.  I handed her my card and said "I'm sorry I was such a downer tonight, but if you ever want to meet up for a drink or something my number is on the back.  Have a great night."

Now, normally I'm not the type who hands out my phone number.  To me it's a bit taboo for me to expect a girl to call me.  If I don't get their number, thats it.  No dice.  But I was in such a shitty mood I really just didn't care.  She called me Monday night and asked if I wanted to see a movie.  Random, but not unwelcome. (Full Disclosure:  Apparently I have a thing for Eastern European/Russian girls.  My last girlfriend was Ukrainian and Bulgarian.  Not of descent, actually from there, though she moved here when she was 12 and had no accent.  You really would have thought she was American at first glance, and in fact I did the first time I met her.)

We went to the movies and saw "The Happening."  Not my favorite movie, but I've seen worse.  We walked home to Brighton, though I offered to get us a cab.  It was good because we got to talk.  Turns out she is 20.  Yeah.  I met a 20 year old in a bar.

That night we kissed at her door.  I'm supposed to meet her tonight because this is the last night I will be in town for at least the next week and a half (Yeah, remember business travel?  Spending next week in Baltimore...and possibly the week after.  Great for my social life, let me tell ya.) In the meantime I've asked a few people about the slight moral dilemma I'm having here.  Is it ok for me to be hanging out with a 20 year old?  I mean, my mom is 5 years younger than my dad, but they didn't meet when she was 20.  I've gotten conflicting answers.  My guy friends are all giving me the "Yeah man!  Good for you!" while my friend Becky was like "Eee...that is a little young."

I'm literally on the fence.  I don't know.  I mean, it's not like she looks like she is 13 or something, and she acts more mature than C (perhaps because she doesn't have the option of going to a club and acting like a 17 year old) so there's that.

Comments on this would be much appreciated.  I know it's too late to do anything about tonight, but I'm really curious how the world at large feels about this.

Here is another question:  What the hell do I do with a 20 year old?  I haven't been under 21 in almost 5 years now and my social/dating life has revolved around going out to bars or pool halls.  I don't remember what I did when I was 20.  Well, I guess I do, but that was get drunk in my apartment with 30 of my closest friends.  House party seems like it should be out of the question at this point.  I'm too old for that shit.

Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting.  If I don't blog before I hope everyone has a happy, fun and safe 4th.

(Aside, voiceinmyhead, if you're reading, just a quick follow up to your last comment.  The thing is I'm not an option.  And it's her fault.  I would have had no problem dealing with just being the dude on the weekends or every once in a while, but I'm not dealing with anyone who doesn't return phone calls or do what she says she's gonna do.  Perhaps she's had guys who would deal with this shit before, but she's lost me.  Is that a thought that goes through her head or does she not even care?  Also, I had no idea word verification was even on.  Once I figure out how, I'm turning it off.

Also, Penelope, I guess for now I'm off internet dating...though who knows what the future may hold.)