WELCOME TO MY HEAD

Here it is....for the world to see....
Please read, and tell your friends...
AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD COMMENT!!!!

Quote of the....well....however long it takes for me to get a new one.

"You don't miss your water
Till your well runs dry."
-The Black Crowes

Monday, June 30, 2008

What Happened?

Ah the weekend.  This weekend would have sucked if the Black Crowes hadn't put on one of the best shows I've been to in years.  Let us delve shall we?

So Friday I went to the North Shore.  Gloucester has a big festival the last week in June every year and it is guaranteed to be a shit show.  It is also a good chance to catch up with those kids from high school that I don't see much (by choice or convenience is the constant question.)  I get a ride home with friends because, as we all know by now, Audis suck and mine is in the shop.  At home I call a good friend to get his ass off of the couch and get him out to the bars/festivities.  I tell him I won't be around tomorrow night so he HAS to come out tonight.  I tell my friends, who are here to party, that we'll go as soon as H shows up.  Yeah well, H returns my call.  He's the town over having a drink with friends.  He assures me that he'll be at my house in under an hour, and we'll go out then.  This is at 9.  I hang at my place drinking.  Losing track of time.  11 rolls around and my phone rings "lets go out"...The bars in Gloucester close at 1230.  "Thanks but no thanks dude.  What happened to an hour?"

Yeah.  Partially my own fault for not paying attention to the time, but what the hell is the deal here?  Why am I the person that people are CONSTANTLY flaking out on?!  ARGH!  This is really kind of getting to me.  I may start flaking out on people for spite.  Just to return the favor.  How horrible is that?

Saturday rolls around and we head up to a friends place in Portsmouth for some pre-concert BBQ and drinking.  In the interim, the "Girl who was there for me" texted and she is going to be coming up for the 4th.  (Full Disclosure:  I haven't gotten laid since the last time I slept with her...which was, A month or so ago?  I don't know.  I guess that's not bad, but it seems like FOREVER when most of your life has been spent in serious relationships where getting laid wasn't hard.)  So hopefully that will go well.  She's an OK girl I guess, but I don't see this as anything other than just some fun.  Which is really just what I need at this point.  As much as I seem to think its a good idea, I really don't need another relationship right now.  I need to figure out some shit about me by myself.  Which isn't to say that if my dream girl came along I wouldn't jump.  But needless to say, she isn't here.  

As I said before the show was AMAZING.  I've seen the Crowes 3 or 4 times but this was by far the best.  The Casino Ballroom in Hampton is an amazing venue and the set list was perfect.  We drove back to Gloucester and finished off the night with some hamburgers and Budweiser.  

At a point in the night I got a text from my old roommate (a girl, yeah, I've lived with girls too...again, the friend thing).  It said "You need to come to CT" where she lives now.  Now, full disclosure:  2 weeks into living with this girl I woke up at 3AM with her standing drunk in my room.  In no uncertain terms...ummm...looking to get laid.  I did the honorable thing and put her to bed because 1) she was clearly shitfaced and 2) she had a boyfriend at the time that was always at the house...awkwardness I could live without.  On another occasion I was in CT at the casino when I got a call from her.  I was drunk.  She was drunk.  We both wanted to hook up but were both too drunk to drive anywhere.  I said "I'm gonna go play blackjack and if I win any money I'm gonna get a car to your house."  Well, I won, but by the time I called her it was 330 AM and she was asleep.  Opportunity lost.  So at any rate, I responded "That can probably be arranged, but you need to come to Boston sometime too."  "I will.  Soon."  So I guess I may have that to look forward to??  Who knows.  I'm sure she'll flake out too knowing my luck.

Sunday was basically a waste, but I did actually play 18 holes in the afternoon so that was good.  I'm now sitting in my apartment blogging instead of enjoying this beautiful day, but I needed to write something.

On Comments:  You guys are great!  I'm gonna try to address a few, and actually ask some questions of you.

voiceinmyhead: You say you've been this girl before.  Why?  I mean, do girls think its better to just avoid a situation till it goes away than it would be to just say, "Listen, I don't think this is gonna work.  I'm sorry."  That doesn't seem like too much to ask for.  But perhaps it is, I clearly have no clue!  HA!

Also, about the list; I'm glad I'm not asking for too much.  I mean, I didn't think it was out of line, but I honestly haven't found anyone who meets the criteria here.  I've been close.  Obviously.  But now that I'm playing the "game" it seems like no one can even handle meeting ONE of the things on the damn list.  It's discouraging.  I'm trying SO hard not to be jaded, but I'm not sure how long I can hold out.  HELP!  HAHA!  It's like I feel like I should be able to find someone like this but I can't.  I understand that everyone  is trying to not get played, and that its hard to trust people, but I really don't know how to convey to people that I'm NOT going to screw you over.  Give me a chance.  Let your guard down and I promise you won't regret it.

I'm THIS far from internet dating.  I don't want to do it.  It seems like a horrible idea, and honestly, (I don't judge, though this sounds judgmental) it seems a little pathetic for someone my age and in my situation to be doing it.  Any thoughts on this?

Also, I'm now reading "No Country for Old Men"  Can't get myself to read Atlas Shrugged So I'm taking it off the list.  Lazy, I know.

Thanks for reading and commenting.  You guys rock!

Friday, June 27, 2008

One more thing...

I got a card from my mother today.  It's not my birthday or any other occasion, but she sent it.  She knew I was down, and sent me the most amazing card with the most amazing things written in it.  I love my mother.  I always have.  But right now I love her just a LITTLE bit more...if that is possible.  I'm going to call her right now and tell her....I hope you all have someone in your life like my mother.  We all deserve it.

Deep thoughts by jack handy

So I'm not calling her.  I won't do it.  I talked to my friend Becky, who is the shit, for the record, and she said "Fuck that girl.  You're a great guy and if she isn't going to call you she's a bitch.  You can do better I promise."  I love you Becky.  I really needed that.  Becky has been my Jiminy Cricket (along with you folks of course) for the last few weeks.

Anyway, I guess with this post I'm gonna make it not about my personal life for once.  After this weekend I'm sure I'll have TONS to tell, but for now, no.

Ok, so I saw this link on the Digg yesterday.  I've seen people in these shirts and honestly, WTF?  My first reaction, of course, was to ask "Is that guy wearing a girls shirt?"  Well, all of my fears have been realized because he wasn't.  This is a man cleavage shirt.  Ya know what I want to see when I'm walking down the street?  Some man cleavage.  Yeah.  That's hot.  Girls, am I way off or is this the dumbest fashion trend of the last 10 years?  God help us.

Also, since I'm single, and involved in so many weddings this year this link kind of struck a chord with me.  Too funny to not share with the world.

Few more random links:

A Guide to Douche Bags - Priceless.  Not sure what type of douche bag I am, but hopefully none.  Though I guess everyone gets a little douchey at times.

A Letter From a Boston Cop - This is pretty much perfect.  I love everything about what this guy is saying.  Unfortunately he's not allowed to beat the piss out of these idiots because everyone and their brother has a camera phone and would only film him beating someone up, not the part where someone smashes a window or lights a car on fire to deserve said beating.

What Airline Pilots Want to Say when you have a flight delay.  Priceless.  And self explanatory.

This Piece will be a bit controversial.  It is a long video for youtube, but everyone in the U.S. and the world needs to watch it.  The common misconception about the Israeli Palestinian conflict is that Israel is good, Palestine is bad.  Needless to say it is not that cut and dry.  Israelis are not saints, and as seen in this piece are prone to firing carelessly into crowds of innocent people, as well as murdering people in cold blood and then lying about it to the outside world.  It is quite graphic, be warned, but it may open a lot of people's eyes to what is really happening in the region.

I hope you all have a fun safe weekend.  Thank you for reading and commenting, and wish me luck. I'll need it.

Good bye for now.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

??What??

Ok wrap your heads around this one.  I got a text from C today at 615.  It said "I'll call you later to figure out this weekend."

No call.

What the fuck?  What IS that?
I have NO idea what this means?  If you didn't want to call, why would you text and say you would?  It makes no sense.  I'm pretty done with this girl.

BTW, Penelope, comment all you want.  Never too many.

I'm back...for now

Alright.  I've cooled off a bit.  I guess.  Still not having a good day, but I'm better than I have been for the past few.  So I want to address some comments before I rant.  Again, thank you all for reading and writing.  It really does mean a lot.  First I will address a commenter specifically.

Penelope, your insight is very helpful.  I'm thinking that you're right.  Though I get vibes from C when we're together that make me feel like she is as into it as I am, the truth is she probably isn't.  And that isn't her fault, and I don't hold that against her in any way.  I just wish it was more clear and easier to tell.  I'm now taking the approach of "If you want to see me let me know.  I'm done chasing you."  So far so good.  I told her I may be in town this weekend and that if she wanted to meet up to let me know.  Got a text today, we'll see what happens.  But I'm not going out of my way.  I'm going to do what I want and if she is a part of it great.  If not, I guess that answers a lot of questions pretty easily.  I am not interested in someone I'm going to be doomed to try to entertain, impress, chase, keep whatever.  I'm not in high school anymore.  

I've been seeing a lot of lists lately of what guys should do, or what girls want or all of that stuff from a dating perspective and it kind of made me want to make a list of my own.  Here goes.

10 Things my dream girl knows:

1.  If you want something, ask for it.  Chances are 99% of the time you'll get it.  If you beat around the bush, or hint or just expect me to know chances are I won't.  I'm a guy I generally don't pick up on that subtlety stuff and then you'll be mad because I didn't know what you wanted.  As the old saying goes: Ask and you shall receive.

2.  Be honest with me.  I'm a big boy.  I can take it.  If honesty says you don't think we'll work out because we're just different, or you don't feel a connection, just say that.  I can handle it.  What I can't handle is when people do things like just stop answering their phone or don't call back or act standoff-ish and aloof.  Just tell me.  It will save us both a lot of trouble.

3.  Don't be flakey.  If you say you're going to do something, do it.  I understand that things happen and sometimes there's nothing you can do, but honestly, if you say you're going to call, call.  I can't think of a reason why you wouldn't be able to get on the phone for 2 seconds and say "Hey I'm real busy can we talk tomorrow" or even just send a text.  It's not hard, and it means a lot.

4.  Don't judge me based on my clothes or my car or how much money I make.  I know, its hard.  I freely admit that I'm more superficial than I'd like to be, but I promise the substance of the person I am is not embodied in my vehicle or the pictures I have hanging on my walls.

5.  It is ok to be forward.  I know in your grandma's day it was taboo to be the person who made the phone call or suggested meeting, but this is 2008.  If you have free time and you'd like to see me, call.  Chances are I would be psyched to see you.

6.  Dinner Etiquette:  If I take you out to dinner, get what you want.  Don't sit there and say "Oh that is too much." or just order a salad to save me money or make me think that you don't eat.  I asked you out to dinner, I understand what that entails.  And when the dessert menu comes around, get something if you want it.  It doesn't make you a pig or any less attractive.  Also, don't even THINK about putting your hands anywhere near that check.  I would honestly leave a restaurant hanging my head in shame if you paid any part of the bill.

7.  How you interact with my friends says a lot about you.  I'm not saying you have to like them all.  Hell there's things about all of them that I don't like.  But if you sit around with a stuck up "I'm over it" look on your face all night not even trying to have fun or talk to people it does not reflect well on you.  I won't leave you alone, but I also don't want to be the only person you talk to all night.  Also, if you have a friend that is a man hater, it would be nice to know before I get the eye roll for daring to speak to her.

8.  Guys want sex.  Always.  Pretty much always.  I can think of very few times that we don't.  Girls, on the other hand, don't.  Now, this leaves us guys in the interesting position of trying to guess when you girls want to get laid.  I understand that this needs to happen sometimes, and that sometimes I need to get you in the mood to want to have sex, but honestly, if you want sex, and I'm around, say the word.  Don't tell me the next day "Oh I really wanted to have sex last night but I wasn't sure you were into it."  Here's your answer.  I was. I am.  Chances are I always will be. (with a few exceptions)

9.  Relax.  This is just a general sentiment.  In my experience the girls I have dated have constantly felt like there was a problem, or had some reason that they should be freaking out in one way or another.  Especially with regard to me/our relationship.  Know what ruins a relationship really quick?  A girl who makes up problems that aren't there, or constantly asks if everything is ok when there is no reason everything wouldn't be ok.  If there is a problem I will let you know.

10.  Don't play me.  I'm a nice guy.  I'm not playing you.  I'm going into whatever this happens to be in good faith, and you should too.  I know its hard.  I have a hard time with it myself.  And I'm sure you've had your experiences with douche bags who are just trying to get into your pants.  But thats not me and I'm not ready to be that jaded old man who thinks everyone is fucking with him, so please don't contribute to me ending up that way.

There's a quick diatribe if you will.  I've never really made a list on this blog before but that was an interesting experiment.  I really had to think about that.  Anyway, thoughts are appreciated.  I'll probably post again later but I gotta do some laundry.

Also, if you read this list and your first thought is "Good luck.  There's not a snowball's chance in hell you're ever finding that."  That would be helpful to know.  Because I don't think its all that outlandish.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

BAD! Bad Blogger!

I'm being a horrible blogger lately.  And its not for lack of anything to say.  I have tons to say but I'm in a horrible mood and quite frankly have been getting drunk and stoned beyond belief for the last 2 days to make myself feel better about it.  By the way, Audi told me its not 5 k to fix my transmission today.....its 10k.  Ten thousand dollars for a new transmission.  What The F*#&^$@?

I promise I will write soon.  I really want to touch on some of the comments.  I apologize for keeping you guys hanging but this is how I deal with massive B.S. in my life.  I drink.  Yeah.  Not healthy.  If you want to lecture me feel free.  I probably need it.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Grrrr....

So my transmission is broken.  Don't buy an Audi with an auto.  I knew that.  I bought one anyway.  I'm an idiot.  So now mine is broken.  And I need to replace the transmission.  We're talking on the order of 5 k.  talk about ruining my summer.  I'll write more at a later date, but I'm really in no mood.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Bit of an Epiphany

So I'm kind of coming to my senses about C.  She didn't call me today.  I had to call her at about 9 PM.  I'm kind of being played aren't I?  I'm kind of realizing this at this point and I'm convincing myself that I'm right, that she isn't in it for the same reasons as me.  Also, I'm thinking its not about her being flakey and more about her not giving a shit about whether she gets back to me or not.  I gave her the benefit of the doubt for a little bit too long, but even if she is just really flakey do I really want to deal with someone like that?  This is the thinking pattern I'm used to going through my head when I'm "normal".  I guess it's less emotion and more logic.  Thinking like an engineer if you will.  This is where I'm comfortable, and it saves me a whole bunch of stress and anxiety when I can step back and get rid of the emotional reasons I'm thinking about things.

Here is where I am with C.  I spoke to her today.  Called her out for not calling me, and then said "Ya know, it's way to early in whatever this is for me to expect anything from you and vice versa.  I do expect honesty.  That isn't too much to ask.  I would love to keep seeing you how we are seeing each other now.  I have no problem with that.  I just wanted to clarify what this is/was so we were both on the same page.  Also, if you say you're going to call me, please call me and don't make me sit all night waiting for you.  Thanks."

The ball is in her court.  I'm at the point where I'm not going to try all that hard for a girl who isn't exactly showing a whole lot of interest.  I've realized that what happened this weekend definitely shouldn't have happened like it did, and thats how I'm looking at this.  If she wants to see me, she can see me.  If not, I can deal with that too.  That was the problem I was having.  I didn't think I could deal with not being with her, but I'm now looking at her, how she is and the realisticness (i just made that word up) of whether anything would ever work between us even if she did want it to.

I say this all now because I'm a tough guy.  Wait till I'm home alone for a few days.

Really??

I work with a girl who is voting for John McCain.  Now, I'm all for choice and people having their opinions, but how, as a woman, can you vote for a man that says this:



I mean honestly.  The guy is literally saying he will actively be trying to take away your right to make a decision about your life and your body.  I hope she comes to her senses before november....

Back at it...

So I may have ruined whatever it is I have/had with C.  Not that I did anything all that bad, I don't think, but I still may have.

So last night she came to Boston with her friend.  Ok.  Not what I expected to happen, but I can hang.  No biggie.  Then they decided that we were going out downtown.  Now, I don't mind going downtown and going out, but it's really not my scene.  So I went and we met up with another of her friends.  Ended up at a bar/night club where the girls wanted to dance.  Ok.  Fine.  However, I then somehow get stuck on bag guarding duty for her friend's bag.  Not her bag, her friend's bag.  Now, I'm not much of a dancer but I have been known to get on the floor, but since I was on bag duty I had no choice...and looked like one of those dudes who can't have fun and just hangs out at the bar.

So at last call we were waiting around for her friend to get/give her phone number to whatever dudes she happened to be hitting on/being hit on by.  (Side note:  Her friends are a bit slutty.  I don't see girls at bars throwing themselves at guys like these two were very often.  Not that it should matter to me.)  In the meantime the conversation between me and C somehow came to what she liked about me.  "I really love that you're so chill and that you're cool with all of this."  This kind of put the thought in my head "Cool with all of what?  I literally have NO idea what this is."  On the way home she was texting someone.  A friend she assured me.  I looked her in the eye and said "I know you don't owe me anything and I really don't expect a lot, but please just don't play me."  She seemed a tiny bit offended that I would even say that, so I said "Not that I think you are, but you can just never tell.  I'm just asking you to be honest with me.  Thats all."  Her friend and her drove themselves home at about 3.  I sent a text that said "Good night beautiful.  Drive safely and I can't wait to see you again."  No response.  The girl has been texting like a maniac all night long with whoever, but she can't return 1 to me?  That's weird right?

So this morning I sent her a text to call me.  She called at about 930 (yeah, I was up before 930 because I was fucking thinking about this B.S.)  She sounded like she just woke up.  I said "Listen, I don't want to get all heavy and have a deep conversation here but I really need to know what this is.  I'm not asking you for commitment, I'm not asking for anything to change, I just need to know what this is so I know I'm not wasting my time."  I think this caught her off guard, but her response was "I figured we'd have to talk about this sooner or later.  I really don't know.  I was in a relationship for a long time and I'm really trying to find out who I am.  So I really don't know."

She said she needed to think and that she'd call me later today...we'll see.  She is either really flakey or just avoiding me because its anyone's guess whether she will call me when she says she will or not.  

On another note, I felt like her and her friends were really young and immature.  I mean, I'm not the most mature guy, but these girls are like I was when I was a freshman in college which was years ago.  I'm king of over going out and getting shit faced and wild.  They're not.  So I guess that's something I need to take into account in all of this.  I don't know what to think, say, do...I'm lost.  Yet again.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Questions? Comments? Rude remarks?

This is gonna be a potpourri of a post I guess.  Wanna respond to some comments and touch on some news.

First, thank you all for your comments.  Very cool, very helpful.  Would like to respond to a few if I may.  Getting stoned is a funny thing.  It's different for all people, and even different for the same person depending on the conditions they're doing it in.  For me, most of the time I get very relaxed.  However, this is not to say I will be getting stoned every day to relax.  I was just kind of observing the effect that it had on me the other day.  And I understand that some people get depressed and stuff from weed, but honestly it's never had that effect on me.  I can really only say good things, which may lead to a hypocritical moment when I'm telling my kids how bad it is for them to smoke pot (assuming I ever have any).

As far as therapy goes, I'm gonna hold off.  I feel like I'm getting to a better place.  Seeing the forest for the trees I guess you could say.  Writing things here has really helped put things in perspective as far as what is and is not something that I should really let bother me.

Sign that I'm getting better: C had to break our date on Thursday because her mom and brother and sisters were doing a belated father's day dinner for her step dad.  I freaked for like 15 seconds thinking "she's thinking up excuses to not see me."  But convinced myself "No, she really has to be with her family, its all good.  And if she is making shit up, I don't want to see her anyway."
We are hanging out tonight.  Actually I'm still trying to figure out what the F to do with her.  I'll figure something out.

I'd like to touch on these RETARDED girls from Gloucester (my home town) who all thought it would be a great idea to get pregnant and "raise their babies together."  WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?!  You think cuz Britney Spears little sister starts shooting out kids at 17 its the right thing to do?  Um, hi.  Major difference here.  SHE IS RICH!  And can pay someone to raise her child.  You, are not.  And these friends of yours that you'll be "raising your babies with?"  Lets see how much they give a shit about you when you've all been up till 6 AM with your screaming children.  Do you understand that your life is over?  Oh, and kiss any kind of normal childhood good bye.  Further more, your children are probably as doomed as you are.  Who are these parents of yours who raised you to think that having a child at 15 with a 24 year old homeless man was a good idea?  (yes, you read that right)  Good luck.  

Oh, and everyone else?  Keep working and paying your taxes, because there are 17 girls in Gloucester now that will be depending on their welfare assistance checks to keep their children alive.  And guess who pays for it?  Yeah.

As my uncle once said "It makes no sense.  You need to get a permit to but a tank in the ground to put shit in (septic tank), but anyone who wants to can just have as many damn kids as they want."

Poignant.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Nature Boy.


Just stopped by my friend's house and got stoned.  I'm better now.  See, I don't need pills...I self medicate.  But in all honesty, I have definitely lost the hopeless feeling I had before.  And I feel good about C and me.  Whether I should or not.  One of the wonders of weed I guess....

Nature's Prozac.

The Proverbial "Rut"

I'll post some pix from the parade this morning later, or some time tomorrow, but right now I need to let some shit out.

I'm stuck.  I'm unhappy.  I really can't put my finger on exactly why, but I have some ideas.  It makes me feel like a whiny little jerk to sit here and be unhappy because I have every reason in the world to be happy.  Well, a lot of reasons.  I have a good job (we'll get into this later), good friends (for the most part) and overall a pretty good life.  So why can't I just be happy?

I've been thinking about this for a while now and I've come up with some ideas.

First, I'm single.  Now, for a lot of people this would be great, and for me at times it is, but honestly all I've thought about since I've been single has been finding that perfect girl.  I should be thinking about hooking up and having fun, but I'm not.  I'm out there looking for someone to spend my life with.  I think I've come up with a few reasons for this too.

1.  I have very little experience not being with someone.  I have been in one long term relationship or the other for 9 of the 11 years since I turned 14.  I'm not used to it.  I guess you could say I've become a bit co-dependent.
2.  Being single isn't how I remember it.  The last time I was single I was still in college so the opportunities to meet other singles were rampant.  Now, I'm old.  Ok, not old, but all of my friends have serious girlfriends or wives and are not wing man material, let alone partners in crime.
3.  I've become more neurotic with age I guess. (See every previous post about C)  I can remember a time when I was easy going and a girl was a girl.  If she liked me enough to call or hang out again great, if not oh well.  This may be a product of my lack of options, but either way it is not helping in the happiness department.

Another thing that I realized may be effecting my "single behavior" is my family.  I have great parents.  Honestly, I have always loved them both to death and they have always been there for me while giving me my space to grow up and make my own mistakes.  But in a conversation with C over the weekend we started talking about our brothers.  I have an older brother and our relationship is....well...strained to say the least.  We're not far apart in age and I have always kind of been the big brother because he's immature and has some issues.  I said to C, "He's just so distant.  I want to talk to him and get to know him and be close to him but every time I try it turns into a fight of some kind.  I just want to be like 'Hey, when mom and dad are gone its just gonna be you and me ya know.'"  That moment was the first time I've thought about that.  I have one brother and my relationship with him sucks.  I don't know how to make it better.  But I guess what I'm getting at here is that I need someone I can depend on when it's just me and him, and right now I really can't see it being him.  I feel like deep down this may be why I'm so gung-ho about finding "the one."  Because deep down I know that once my parents are gone I have no one.  That scares the shit out of me.  I can't believe I'm even thinking about it really, but it does put a lot of things in perspective.

Now, work....work has been horrible lately.  I'm doing a lot of work in Washington DC which is ok I guess because I'm getting resume stuff I might not otherwise get.  The problem is the project sucks.  It's a loser.  The manager of the project is an inept woman who just had a child so she is doing NOTHING.  I am managing this project and being paid an assistant engineer's salary and getting ZERO help from her or anyone in the DC office with any of this.  It sucks.  Now, I won't be held over the fire if this whole thing bombs, so I guess that is good, but that isn't the point.  I want to do the project, I want to do it right, but to do that I need information and help that I'm not getting.  So my days are spent trying to get in touch with a woman, who when I actually DO get in touch with her I have to listen to a screaming child in the background.  Now, I'm all for maternity leave and being there for your young kids, but if you can't do your job realize that and ask for some help.  She won't.  It's just her and me (just me really).  So work right now isn't good.  I'm seriously spending a lot of time thinking about what I might like doing better than what I do now.  That is horrible.  I'm 25 and I'm already thinking like this...

Not good.

Anyway, I think I might go talk to someone.  I've got health insurance that I never use, why not see if a tiny bit of therapy can kick me back into perspective.  Or not.  Haven't really decided.  Anyone got experiences or advice on this one?  I'd really like to know if I'm just being dramatic or if going to see a therapist a few times might be beneficial.  (P.S. I will not use drugs.  Not even on my radar.  Taking prozac every day for the rest of my life sounds much much worse than the little depressed episode I'm dealing with right now.)

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Homerism...


See!  I TOLD you if they won I'd be the first one to buy the hokey championship garb!  Ok, I wasn't FIRST, but it hasn't even been 24 hours and I've already got it!  And one for my dad that I promised him on father's day.

So, just a quick recap because last night I was too damn tired to do this right.  KG, you made me eat my words and I appreciate it.  Great game.  Transcendent game.  You will no longer be mentioned with the likes of Karl Malone or Charles Barkley.  Ray, unbelievable man.  Best shooting performance of the playoffs for you by far.  Great work, and god bless.  Ray's son has been diagnosed with diabetes, which isn't the end of the world, but means a life of needles and medicine for Ray and the family.  Paul, thanks for sticking around.  Thanks for game 7 against the Cavs.  You spend a few more years here and I'll see that number of yours up in the rafters with all the rest.

But the reason this game was won how it was had a lot to do with the random role players.  Rondo (21 points 8 assists) Posey (2/2 from 3 and shot 100% for the game) and Eddie "In Tha" House all contributed to this one, and all deserve their rings.

I will be at the parade tomorrow morning.

While I'm here I'd like to address rioting.  I've been in this city for all three of the Patriots Superbowls, both of the Sox Word Series and now a Celtics championship, and every time a team wins a group of mindless hooligan assholes ruins the celebration for everyone else.  I have no problem with people in the streets.  Hell if you're a girl and wanna flash 5000 of your closest friends be my guest.  But WHY do these people feel the need to destroy shit all the time?  Just once I'd like the fans to pour out into the street.  Party like hell, then go home when the police tell you to without flipping cars and breaking windows.  Just because you can get away with it doesn't mean you should do it.

On a sad note, at 2 of these events young people lost their lives.  Now, at Fenway when that girl was hit with a pepper bullet that was a tragic accident.  She was a bystander.  She was not innocent.  I'm sorry.  I was there.  I was in the street with everyone else.  But ya know what?  when the police came with clubs and shields and told me to go home, guess what I did?  I went home.  If everyone did that none of this shit would happen.  If that young lady listened to the police when they told her and everyone else to disperse, she would be here today.  But she didn't because she got caught up in the crowd mentality of "I'm just a face in the crowd, and if everyone doesn't leave, I don't have to leave and I can get away with it" so instead of leaving she stayed.  Accidents happen, and I am by no means apologizing for the untrained officer who was wielding the weapon that day, but if you don't put yourself in a position for something like that to happen to you, the chances are it won't.

Call me an asshole, I'm just stating my opinion.  You have every right to disagree.  It's a free country.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Number 17

Open letter to the Celtics:  Thank you.  Thank you for another championship for Boston.  We are living in the golden age of Boston sports, but this championship is one of the sweetest because it was won in the city.  It's easy to be a sports fan when you're here in Boston, and honestly I take it for granted, but a championship is never taken for granted.  Congratulations.  Another parade is in the works, and I'll be there.  BRING ON THE DUCK BOATS!

Then on to '09.

P.S. Doc, thank you for not letting Sam I Am the Freaky Alien play.  I TOLD you it was for the better!

Legitimate Sports Column...but first.

Text messaged my other girl friend (yes, another one) this morning that was at the concert this weekend with the ex because she had texted me that she had a story to tell me.  She texted back that she'd call me later to tell me.  3 minutes later I got a text from the ex that said "can I ask you for a favor?"  I replied "of course, shoot."  She wrote "So B (the new bf) and I were in a little spat about Petty because he wanted to go with me but I went with H instead" (end of text 1, I'm using initials to protect the innocent, not that anyone would ever know who they are.  Anyway, I could tell where this was going.) "and i didnt want to make matters worse telling him that I hung out with the ex, so if you could just not mention it when you see him at the wedding that would be cool" (end of text 2.  We are both bride/grooms people in the same wedding later this summer btw.)  "Not that he has a problem with you AT ALL (lie...that is a lie.  He obviously has a problem, but as I said yesterday, I can kind of understand) but I didn't want to throw salt in the wound."  I replied "Not a problem, your secret is safe with me.  It was really nice to see you by the way."

So my guess was correct.  This is about the boyfriend more so than the two of us.  Which really sucks because we could be really good friends.  I mean, we were in a six plus year relationship and she knows me and I her probably better than anyone else.  It could be good, advantageous, helpful and just plain nice to have a friend like that, at least from my perspective.  But it looks 
like it is not meant to be.  I'm kind of disappointed, but, to use a super LAME cliche, it is what it is, and there's really nothing I can do about it.

In other news, game six of the NBA finals is tonight in Boston.  The Celtics gave away a winable game 5 in LA on Sunday night thanks in large part to the fact that Kevin Garnett failed to show up.  Don't get me wrong, I love KG.  He is the single most important thing that happened to this team this year, but he has a bad habit of disappearing at the end of important games.  He doesn't take open shots when he has them, has a habit of committing dumb fouls and missed 3 HUGE free throws at the end of the last game.  At the same time Paul Pierce was playing one of the best finals games ever turned in by a Celtic (that is saying something people.  The Celtics have played in more finals games than any other franchise.)  Tonight they need to win.  I want NO part of a game seven with Kobe on the floor, so if you read this and you're going to the game tonight you better be on your feet for 3 straight hours screaming your lungs out.  

I'm already a bit frightened of the dubious officiating crew that has been assigned to this game.  In game five David Stern essentially gave a big fat F you to any skeptics by assigning Dick Bavetta, a man under federal investigation based on allegations that he improperly influenced a playoff game between the Lakers and Kings in 2002, to referee that game in LA.  Bennett Salvator, who is assigned to this game is also implicated as far as I know, and Joey Crawford, another official who will have his hand in this game, was suspended last year after picking a fight with Tim Duncan DURING a game.  Needless to say I will be spending a lot of energy cursing bad foul calls while chugging beers to calm my nerves this evening.  Should be an interesting day at the office tomorrow.

Open Letter to the Celtics:  My father was once the worlds biggest Celtics fan.  You lost him in about 1994 after Reggie Lewis died and the team sank into obscurity/suckitude.  I personally don't remember the glory days in the 80's when Bird, McHale and the Chief were winning championships, but from what I hear it is on par with a Red Sox victory in this town.  So please, for my father, for me and for all of us in this town who have been waiting for the Celtics to be the team and the franchise that tradition and history knows they are, bring one home for us tonight.

I will be the first one in line at the Celtics store buying all the homer hokey fan crap that you guys come out with.  All you have to do is win one more.  Do it for yourselves, your careers and your families.  But most of all do it for us.  The fans of the Celtics who never really went away.

And Doc, PLEASE don't put Sam Cassell in this game.  PLEASE?!  I'm not asking much.  You can do whatever else you want.  Just let Sam I Am the Freaky Alien wave his towel on the bench for this one.  It will be for the better.  I promise.

Oh, and to the fans, could we get a "No means NO!" chant going when Kobe is shooting free throws?  Your chants in this series have been sub-par at best.

17.  Raise it to the rafters.

Monday, June 16, 2008

The Recap

Very interesting weekend.  Very interesting.  So Friday night I was supposed to hang out with C, but there were some complications.  The original plan was centered around her friend's birthday.  She wants me to meet her friends, so I guess what better way than to hang out with them all while they're celebrating one of her friend's birthdays.  I spoke with her Friday after work and she still wasn't clear on what was happening, so I asked her to give me a call when she did.  In the meantime some friends were planning on going out, and the time was coming to make the decision about what I was going to do.  I called C and asked what the deal was.  Turns out her friend's (who's birthday it was)  boyfriend planned a "surprise" party for her at his parents house??  That he didn't tell her best friends about??  I've since been informed that the speculation is that he was doing this more to keep her from going out than to throw a surprise party.  So C said that she had to go, but that I was welcome to come.  I declined.  I mean, honestly, I'm gonna go to a surprise birthday party that I wasn't really invited to at someone's parent's house?  I don't think so.

C sounded legitimately disappointed, and apologized over and over for the situation.  I assured her it wasn't a problem but that I was really disappointed that I wouldn't see her.  I spent the night out with friends getting FAR too drunk, somehow not even thinking about it.

Saturday I spent tailgating and seeing Tom Petty.  It was a great time.  Good show, but a
 horrible vibe overall at the concert.  The venue seemed full of high school drama.  There was tension to say the least.  But, in the meantime at this concert I saw my ex from 2 exes ago.  She couldn't run away this time, and was forced to talk to me.  Honestly, we had a great conversation and caught up a lot.  I hope this means that she now knows that she can talk to me and we could POSSIBLY be friends, but that remains to be seen.  It seems she is now less concerned with the awkwardness between the two of us and more about what her boyfriend will say/do about the two of us possibly being friends.  I didn't say this to her, but honestly he needs to grow up.  There is nothing between us.  It's been over for a long time.  We're friends...Though I guess I can understand where he'd be coming from.

Sunday I went to the North Shore to take my father out for dinner for Father's Day.  We had an early dinner because he had been up at dawn to go fishing and I didn't want to keep him up.  On the way back to Boston I figured what the hell, I'll give C a call.  She answered and I asked if she had plans to watch the game.  She said nothing concrete and that she'd make a phone call or two and get dressed and call me back.

We ended up meeting at a bar, having some drinks and a bit of food and talking and watching the whole game together. (did I mention she is a sports nut?  She was more pissed off about the Celtics losing that game than I was, and that is hard to do)  Toward the end of the night she told me that she was taking today off because she has tomorrow off for Bunker Hill Day??  Yeah, apparently that is a holiday in the state of Massachusetts.  So I asked if she had plans for today and she said, no nothing solid.  I said, "Well, if you want to come to Boston with me I'll take tomorrow off and we can hang out in the city."  This caught her a bit off guard.  She thought I was kidding.  I assured her that I wasn't and she seemed truly excited and said she would love to come to the city with me.  We stopped at her house so she could get her stuff and drove to Boston at around 1 AM.

We went to bed and spent a long time talking about all kinds of things.  Kids came up (not me, I promise.  I would NEVER start a conversation about kids with a girl I've only seen a few times.) and we both shared that neither of us was anywhere near the part of our lives where kids would be a good idea.  Then we went to bed, and again, we did not "seal the deal" as it were.  I'm taking this as a good sign, though I'm not sure I should.

Today we woke up around 10.  We both showered (separately unfortunately) and got ready to go.  I have a Mac....the weather widget for the Mac Dashboard...sucks.  Not even close.  Last night at 1 AM it said today would be sunny and 77 degrees.  Needless to say it was wrong, which kind of threw off my plans for anything to do.  We got coffee and ended up on Newbury Street.  We walked and talked and got lunch.  On our way back to my car it was raining, and I was the hero for remembering my umbrella.  We spent the afternoon at the MFA where we looked at art and talked more.  I drove her back to the North Shore this afternoon.

Now, I was sitting in my car on the way to bring her home thinking "This is the perfect opportunity to ask her where, if anywhere, she sees this going."  I didn't.  I'm a pansy and now I regret it.  But I'm in a good place as far as C is concerned.  We've made plans to see each other again Thursday and I'm truly looking forward to it.  I love talking to her and she is really sweet and down to earth (and did I mention absolutely beautiful?  Have you ever walked down the street with a beautiful girl and just known...and not even thought of looking at anyone else because you've got the most beautiful girl you've seen all day?  That was me today.)

Anyway, needless to say I'm happy.  I'm in a good spot, and I'm not being neurotic or driving myself crazy about this that or the other thing.  In time I'm sure I will be, but for now I'm fantastic.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

The NBA its FANTASTIC!!!!

Edit:  Disregard all of the horrible things that I've said about the NBA.  I just watched the greatest comeback in NBA playoff history and it was my Celtics doing it.  This is why sports are the greatest.  At any time history could be made.  I was literally about to change the channel, and during the regular season I would have, but this is the finals.  And I'm glad I watched.  Thank you Celtics for making that 3 hours of my life well worth every minute.

Amazing.  This is why I love sports.

One more gentlemen.  Its your turn.

...Same Old...

So, obviously I was being neurotic.  As always.  C texted me and we're planning to meet up tomorrow night.  The lesson, as always, is I'm an idiot.  It pisses me off that I feel like this for 2 reasons.  It is completely unfounded, in this case at least.  And honestly, I really shouldn't care this much about someone I don't even really know that well.

I want to write, but right now I'm tired and pissed off because the Celtics are getting absolutely smoked, and once again the officiating is dubious at best, so I'm really in no mood.  This is why I hate the NBA.  If it were going the other way I'm sure I'd love the NBA, but it's not so right now I hate it.

Anyway, thanks for all of your comments.  Once again if I actually listened to them it might help.

What is my problem?

I told you all I'd find a way to make this negative.  Last night C was out with her friend's for one of their birthdays.  I sent her a text and got no response. I'm sure there are 100 legitimate reasons that she didn't get back to me last night, but I'm obviously only thinking of the bad ones.  What I SHOULD have done is realized that C was out with her friends, and not even have sent the text.  

But at the same time, if you got a text from someone like me in the situation we're in, wouldn't you return at least SOMETHING?  Am I crazy, or am I just way off in what I think is going on here?

I hate this shit.  I need to chill the fuck out.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Good As New..

Picked up my car from the body shop today....FINALLY!  That would be one and a half weeks it took them to fix and paint the rear quarter panel and the bumper.  I have never done body work on a car, but come on...that is 8 business days to take off and paint a panel and a bumper and put it back on.  Seems like too long.  But it may have been a blessing in disguise.

I had to go to the North Shore today to pick up my car so I figured, what the hell, I'll give C a call and see if she wants to have a drink.  She did :)  We met up for a drink and ended up talking for hours and staying for dinner.  It is nice to meet someone who is so easy to talk to.  And it seems like this may be going somewhere, but it is too soon to tell I guess.  She said she wanted me to meet her friends (only fair since she knows 70% of mine), and for me to take her out for sushi because she has never really gone.  That sounds good right?  I'm sure in the next few days I will find a way to spin it in my head into something other than good.  But I'm happy now.

In other news, the Celtics got screwed by the same officiating that gave them the victory in game 2.  It is just insane to me that NBA referees can be so egregiously horribly inconsistent based solely on the venue that the game happens to be in.  A foul in Boston is not a foul in L.A. and vice versa.  It makes no sense.  It is either a foul or it isn't, regardless of where you are.  The bigger problem is that the NBA as a league sits aside and doesn't address the issue at all.  They deny it exists.  Well, sorry David Stern, but the truth is, every referee you have has throughout their career displayed a home team bias.  It doesn't matter what home team, just the team that is playing at home (or one of 5 or 6 current superstars including Kobe Bryant and Dwyane Wade).  The referees for the most part have more effect on who wins the game being played than the players do.  Just ask the Dallas Mavericks.  It is a joke.  It is one step above professional wrestling.  Yup.  I said it.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Who is Dependable?

One of the things that is really striking me now that I don't have a significant other in my daily life is the lack of dependability in the people that surround me.  For the most part it isn't intentional, though there are many who don't give a rat's ass about fucking me over.  But I honestly can think of maybe 2 or 3 people (who aren't my parents) that I could really depend on for something.  That, to me, is sad.  I mean, when did it all of the sudden become ok for people to not do what they said they are going to do, or to just be intentionally misleading or flakey?  I think that I am dependable.  I mean, if I tell someone that I am going to do something I generally get it done.  I guess this is why I'm the person who gets the 2 AM calls from the police station.  It is frustrating to have to assume that people will not come through, and behave like it is a luxury for someone to stand by their word.  I have a huge problem with the fact that this is an acceptable form of behavior in our society.  It is easy.  Make a plan, then do it.  Done.  Over.  There you are.  You're not a flake, you're dependable.  That is all it takes.  I'm not hard to please.  This is all stemming from a few situations I've been involved in lately, but I would say it is due mostly to the fact that I don't have a girlfriend that I can depend on every day.

In other news, the weekend was great.  C came into town Saturday night and we made a great night out of less than ideal circumstances.  We went to dinner with a group of my friends for a friend's birthday.  She was perfect.  Looked beautiful, was social, happy and fit right in.  Then we all came back to my place, as it has become the default after party locale.  In an apartment full of people I managed to slip away to my roof deck with C and got a chance to have a really great conversation with her, which included her saying "you just seem like a really nice and genuine guy to me...and that is hard to find."  She also said that the last guy she hung out with a few months ago was "trying to force me into a relationship when I just wasn't ready for it."  Like an idiot I didn't take that opportunity to ask if she still felt that way, but the rest of our conversation led me to believe that she may be open to something more now.  That is something I will have to find out later.

By the end of the night we were both very drunk...again...she apologized profusely for being so intoxicated, to which I replied "you don't have to apologize.  you're doing great.  I can barely tell."  She grabbed me by the arm and whispered in my ear "If I get really drunk will you please take care of me?"  I replied "Of course I will.  I promise I won't let anything bad happen to you.  You have my word."  She kissed me then and there and looked truly happy.  Kind of made me wonder about the kind of guys she's been around if me taking care of her when she's off her ass drunk is a luxury she didn't assume she would be given.  As if I would have thrown her out on the street in that condition?!

We ended up in my room on my bed at the end of the night.  It was pretty obvious where it was going, but I had to stop it, and in the most awkward 20 seconds of my entire life I said "listen, I think you're wonderful, and beautiful and honestly I want you so insanely bad right now that I don't know why I'm doing this, but we are both really really drunk and I don't want it to happen like this."  I held my breath and waited for her reaction.  She threw her arms around my neck pulled me close and kissed me.  Pulled back and said "You are right.  Thank you for saying that."

I called her yesterday after 18 holes (yeah, 18 holes in 98 degree heat with a raging hangover....not the best idea in the world.)  I told her I was thankful that she came into Boston and told her how wonderful I think she is and that next time it was going to be just her and I.  She said she had a great time and that it was no problem at all that we hung out with all of my friends all night.

So there we are.  I'm kind of on cloud 9 at this point, and have pretty much had a smile on my face since she left Sunday morning saying "I wish I didn't make plans to go to the beach with my friends today..."  Well, except on the side of the 6th green where I promptly deposited all of the water that I'd been drinking all morning in a sand trap...

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Saturday morning, 10AM

Re-read that last post and I'm kind of realizing that I sound like a pretentious douche.  I was angry.  Bad day at the office.  So I vented here.  Again, this is kind of like my therapy.

Was at the Sox game last night....right behind the home dugout, perhaps you saw me on TV.  Great seats to a horrible game....8-0?  Really guys?  To the Mariners??  WTF?

Got a friends B-day party tonight.  C is coming (I'm gonna start using initials like Julie.  Sorry for stealing your moves, but I like it.)  It will be fun I assume, but I'd really like to get some alone time with her.  The last time I was with her we at least got to go to dinner and talk first.  This time we're pretty much gonna be surrounded by people the whole time.  Not ideal, but at least I'll get to see her.

In other news I'm sore.  For 2 reasons.  I played volleyball last sunday with a couple of friends.  Went running for the ball, hit it in the air, and the guy on my team dove to get it and rolled up over the back of my leg bending my knee in a direction that it is not meant to be bent.  At first it just hurt a bit, but now I'm thinking there may be some real damage because it's been almost a week and it is still really tight and sore.  Just what I need.  The other reason is that since my knee is a mess I couldn't run so I did about 100 pushups and 200 sit ups instead....bad idea.  I can barely lift my arms above my head....but boy am I going to be super jacked!  I remember a time when I used to be able to work out and not be sore....I guess I'm old now....damnit.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

A Scholarly Discussion....

Here's the problem with scholarly discussions:  Someone always thinks that they are more right than the other person.   How they deal with this fact says a lot about their personality.  I used to be really bad about this.  As in, I would take it very personally if someone disagreed with my stance, and all I could think of was hitting them over the head with facts until they realized that I was right and they were wrong.

I think I've matured.  I know I've matured.  At this point for the most part I really don't give a crap what people think they know.  I know what I know.  If they think something else, I try to explain to them their incorrectness, and they choose to ignore that, its their problem, not mine.

Here is a problem I have sometimes though (particularly at work.)  People talk about things with me, say what they think, state what they think is fact (not opinion, which is completely different, and for another post).  Now,  I'm going to try to not blow too much smoke up my own ass, but I read a lot, have a better than average grasp of science and mathematics, graduated from engineering school with a damn good GPA and truly make an effort to continue educating myself almost every day.  When some idiot comes up to me and says something like "I don't believe in evolution" I just brush it off.  There is no reasoning with people like that.  If you don't believe in evolution, good for you.  But you really sound pretty ignorant to pretty much everyone north of West Virginia, and most of the people south of there too.

Here is my big problem:  People make statements of fact that I KNOW are incorrect.  I try to, as nicely as I can, explain the actual situation to them.  I'm not trying to be a smart ass.  I'm not trying to make them look dumb.  Just the opposite really, I'm trying to make it so they don't make the same incorrect statement again.  What I get sometimes is "Oh really?  I didn't know that."  Which is great.  What I get a lot (again, particularly at work) is "What are you some kind of know it all?"

Yes.  I'm a know it all.  Because I know something that you don't know, I'm a know it all.  I'm not more educated, or better at remembering things.  I'm a know it all.  This drives me crazy, because it is really more about them trying to save face for being completely wrong than it is about me, but the fact that I am put down in some way for being educated is just obnoxious.  It drives me nuts.  With friends I can swing back, at work, I have to bite my tongue and say nicely "Well, what I said is true.  You can look it up if you want."

I'm going to write what I'd like to say right here: "Am I a know it all?  No, I just know that you are wrong.  There is no reason to be an obnoxious prick just because you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.  You COULD be mature, learn something and not look like a dumb shit the next time the subject comes up, or you could sit here and call me a know it all if it makes you feel better.  Either way, I really don't give a fuck, but for the record, you are wrong, and I am right, and if you spent 3 seconds looking that shit up instead of giving me crap, you might be better off for it.  Only a person as ignorant as you could possibly begin to think that they "know it all."  ASSHOLE!"

I'm better now......Perhaps I should just let people continue to be misinformed...

P.S. I have another date with Caitlin this weekend.   :)
One of these days I will stop worrying like an asshole and realize that not everyone doesn't like me.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Business Travel

I travel for work.  Not a lot, but it happens more than a few times a year.

When I tell people this they are SO impressed.    I don't understand why.  I mean, if I were important enough, or high enough up in my company, I wouldn't have to travel.  I'd send someone like me out to travel instead.  People also think it is SO COOL to travel for work.  Sometimes its not bad, but let me sum up what most of my work travel ends up being like.

Wake up at 4 AM to get to the airport far a 630 AM flight.  Deal with the airport and all of its nonsense.  Get on the plane and fly to wherever the hell it is I'm being sent in that particular instance.  Get to the office.  Work.  Work with a bunch of people who I don't know all day and into the night.  Generally pretty late in the night.  Go to dinner with someone from said random office who I don't know, or in the worst case alone.  Check into the hotel room, sleep till early the next day and get into the office really early.  Work till noon-ish and then go back to the airport and fly back home, get into Boston just in time to sit in rush hour traffic in a cab on the way home.

Now, I know some people think it is glamorous to travel for work, but quite frankly it is pretty much exactly the opposite.  It sucks. I hate it.  If I never do it again I would be thrilled....but at least I can tell people and impress them.....

Bookeeping...and such...

So I re-read that post from 2 nights ago...seriously considered taking it down, but I feel like if I post it, its there for a reason, so it's staying.  I'm really not neurotic.  Or I didn't used to be, but reading that makes me feel like Van Gough or some shit.  I'm not depressed.  Never have been.  I just had this overwhelming feeling of loneliness for some reason...it's gone now...

Anyway, as far as books go, I've finished The Road.  It was good.  The ending (specifically the last paragraph) kind of left me scratching my head, and I'm definitely going to have to read the whole book again to pick up on the subtle symbolism type stuff.  I've decided Atlas Shrugged needs to wait for another time.  I don't think I am in a situation where I can give a book of that volume and deepness the kind of time that I should.  So I'm re-reading A Short History of Nearly Everything...again.  I'm an engineer, its a nerd book, but every time I read it I feel like I learn something new.

In other news, I've got a pretty booked month coming.  Few concerts, sporting events, holidays and maybe just maybe a little party with all of my fellow bloggers.  I'm excited.  It seems every
 time I'm single I get to do tons of awesome things with my friends that for some reason I don't get to do when I'm attached.  And its not even like I couldn't do them when I have a girlfriend, I just don't for some reason.  It is a mystery.

Also, today is apparently an historic day, as an African American man has been nominated as the Democratic party's presidential candidate.  Many people say that this shows serious progress in American society.  I guess that argument can be made, but to convince me that significant progress is being made in American society a lot more will have to happen.  But congrats to Mr. Obama and all of his supporters.  I personally voted for Hillary (because by the time of the MA primary John Edwards had already dropped out), but honestly, I feel like anyone is better than what we've got going on now, and things can only get better.

I'm attaching one of my photos to this post.  I am
 not a photographer.  I'm a guy who likes to
 take pictures, and sometimes I get lucky.  This shot is one of my luckiest.  It is in the Public Garden in Boston.  A little dark, and not ideal composition, but the subject is essentially posing, which is tough with animals.  If you like it, great.  If not, so be it.  I have it framed on my wall and the overall reception that it has received has been pretty good.  Sorry its so small...I'm a blogging rookie...don't know how to fix that...

And all of my fears about Caitlin and what was going on with the phone call were completely unfounded.  She called me last night while I was at the baseball game.  She apologized for not calling sooner, and explained that she and her girlfriends had gone out the night before for drinks and to see Sex and the City.  We are, with any luck, hanging out this weekend.  The Girl That Was There For Me has cancelled her trip to the city, so things are working out pretty well at this point....It's not that I have anything against her...I just like Caitlin more.

Anyway, keep reading and commenting.  You guys are like my free therapy at this point (speaking of therapy, that is a WHOLE other post that I promise to write.)

Later

Monday, June 2, 2008

Pretty much couldn't live alone....

at least not in my current situation.

So my roommate is away on business, and I have the apartment to myself.  Normally I would be absolutely thrilled about this.  But for some reason I just have weird shit going through my head, and quite frankly I'm kind of lonely.  I've lived alone before.  I loved it.  It was fantastic.  But for some reason right now I'm just not happy.  All I can think about is the fact that I'm just alone.

On a side note, I called Caitlin, and she didn't answer.  I left a quick "Hi its Nick.  Give me a call when you get a second."  No call.  I think this may be contributing to my issue.  God I'm such a loser!  HA!  I'm going to bed.

When it Rains, it Pours

So, I'm apparently getting set up.  An old friend from high school heard I was single and apparently has "the perfect girl" for me.  She emailed me today and said that she had spoken with her friend and that she had said that it was ok for her to give me her number (as if I'm some kind of creepy stalker or something.)  So, I guess I have to call her right?  (My friend's exact words in the email were "Don't do the 'wait 3 days' thing, call her tomorrow.")  This presents a bit of a dilemma.  Two bits of a dilemma if you will.

First there is Caitlin.  I like her.  I may be interested in more than just a fling, but to what point am I responsible for not messing around while I'm still single?  I mean, I can't really be held accountable in the future for something that goes on now can I?  

Second is The Friend of the Friend from CT.  It looks as though she will be in Boston this weekend, and more than likely is pretty much a sure thing if I go for it.  Should I be expected not to at this point?  I personally don't feel like I'm accountable to anyone but myself at this point, but honestly it would be pretty much my worst nightmare if this somehow came back later to ruin something that could have been great.

I mean, aren't I living every guy's dream right now?  I have at least one girl who just wants to get laid, one girl who I am feeling like I'm into, and another that I know nothing about, but apparently is interested/desperate enough to give her phone number to someone she doesn't even know.  I guess you could say I'm being a "player" at this point, but honestly, I'm not really trying to do that, and it is really causing a moral dilemma for me.

Any advice would be appreciated.

On another note, I'm still on the fence about this blogger party.  I'm feeling like it is a game time decision.  Father's day, girls, parties, too much for me to plan so far ahead.  But please don't take it personally.  It isn't like that.  I'm sure it will be a great time, and quite frankly there is the very real possibility that I will attend.  I'm sorry for holding out.